blahsquared Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Hey dudes. So I've been a sad sack for the past few weeks, reading the forums here and not posting my own situation. But you know, I'm a sucker clinging onto hope, and need an anonymous smackdown to get my head out of the clouds. So the ex and I dated for about a year and a half. Things started great, I was this hot, crazy thing and he was a very solid, dependable guy. Our chemistry worked. Our relationship took off, despite others' doubts. Point is: Opposites attract. While we have similar interests, we have completely different outlooks on life. He wants to settle down in suburbia (already bought the house) and I itch to travel, expand my career abroad, so on. He dumped me a week and a half ago, because he couldn't see himself marrying me. I'm heartbroken, because for months I've tried to put aside my wilder side to settle down, because I love him. I want him back. He wants to be friends... like that ever works, huh? He hasn't dated much before me, so he kept saying he has "doubts..." I think he thinks he can find someone who suits him better. Honestly, that's probably true... but I just miss him like crazy already, and wish I could be the person who DID suit him. Am I crazy to want him back? Should I just pick up and move on? Are these "doubts" of a very logical, detail-oriented person completely irreversible? I've read all of these inconclusive "how to get him back" posts and they all advise no contact... I cried on the phone to him yesterday because I missed him but "agreed with the breakup" ... but is this the sort of scenario where you could turn things around? He's been distant for a few months now... he initiated the breakup... he (gawd) "misses me and the idea of never talking to him again is too much to handle..." He never gave me a reason as to why he couldn't see a future with me... just that he hasn't had a serious girlfriend before and had, as I said, "doubts," he's probably right, we're very different... but I was willing to change... I guess that's problematic in any relationship, isn't it? I guess I know the answer here... but I'd love a vote of confidence, saying this is a situation that is salvageable, blah blah... Please? Or something? Get back to me people, I'm a neurotic mess and MISS HIM so much. Link to comment
joethe Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 sorry to hear about your situation. If you want him back the only chance you have is to: -stop pursuing all together -no calling, texting ect -if for some reason he does contact you, act like you are happy and keep the conversation very brief ending it something like i have to get going i have to go to my moms. - make him try to reconcile And then if it does happen you can then choose if you even want him back. hope this helps and good luck Link to comment
Xplode Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Point is: Opposites attract. While we have similar interests, we have completely different outlooks on life. He wants to settle down in suburbia (already bought the house) and I itch to travel, expand my career abroad, so on. thats where u need to define yourself. i was broken up with because of travel. you will be saving urself time. i dont believe that mix works out, well least not for me. thats not an "interest" its a life goal. so thats where i think the breakup is a good move Link to comment
wgq Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Yes you know the answer as you said. You may barely notice that you are right on the healing progress unknowingly. Now you move to breaking up section, later you may find yourself on the healing after break up, one day you are surprised that you are looking for advice on the dating. Sorry you have to go through all of this. It sounds cruel now but true that this is just a matter of time. After the rain and shower you will see rainbow again. Link to comment
Pixiedoc Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 I'm afraid I agree. It's no good for you to have to 'change yourself' or 'be different' just to be in a relationship with someone. Imagine if you tried to do this in the long term - suddenly 2 years would have gone by with you 'not being yourself', tailoring yourself to his needs, putting travel to one side. Frustration would pretty soon set in and you would probably start seeing the relationship as holding you back, which it would be. You need someone who loves travel as much as you do (there are LOADS out there, believe me) and someone who is nearly as 'crazy' as you are In a way, this guy (probably as he IS steady and sensible) saw this before you and although he misses you, realises that you are best as friends as in the LONG TERM there are too many areas of compatibility. Don't tell him you will change. Stand back and heal, maybe explain you can't be friends at the moment as it's hurting too much. Go off and do some travelling if you can, when you come back - or are ready to talk to him, maybe you can be friends. He can probably handle it (he's obviously been preparing this for several months, but it's harder for you right now as you couldn't) - the question will be do YOU want to when you've had some time to think about it...take care. Link to comment
blahsquared Posted June 10, 2009 Author Share Posted June 10, 2009 Thanks for the solid advice, guys. It's crazy how common these emotions actually are. When your heart is broken, you feel like you're the only person who has ever felt like this. But I guess it's true, not every relationship is meant to work out. He better miss me too. I'm awesome. Link to comment
Pixiedoc Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 That's the spirit!! You'll have good days and bad days, but we are here for you too and good luck. Link to comment
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