pdoog Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 I just had I guess what you can call a realization. I just realized that I have LOST her after 63 days of strict NC I have come to understand that I am finally just letting go and realizing that I lost the only women I ever really loved. I have lost those nights of cuddling and talking with her before we kissed each other goodnight. I have lost the days of cooking for her and her children after a hard days work. I have lost everything that I held dear to my heart and I just want to scream at the top of my lungs!!! This pains me that words cannot describe the hurt I feel right now. I am trying to be strong by not crying but I feel them at the threshold and I don't know if I can stop them from flowing. I Miss her and still Love her so much. She is in a new relationship that looks like a very good match for her and they seem extremely happy. The only way I know of this is I just happened to talk to one of her friends. I actually didn't even ask about her he just brought it up. So yea it has taken me 2 months of strict NC to realize I have Lost something and I fear I will never get it back. I don't necessarily want her back but I want those feelings that I had towards her back. And I am afraid I never will be able to love like that again. I know this is probably all the emotions talking right now but this is how I feel. I know I must now let things be how they have been. I just cant stop thinking of what went so wrong that she just gave up on us. Thanks for listening Link to comment
DaisyDaisy Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Hey I went through this for months. I think the severest time was a 2-month period. Then my mind was cleansed. I still have set backs every now and again (my story is a little more complicated than a clean break) but I can assure you that these feelings will soon calm down. As they say "if you are going through hell, keep going". Trust me, that saying is true. You just have to stick it out til the end. Don't worry about the "what ifs" and the things you have lost. Just don't worry about them. They are 99% just created by your own head, and they occupy unnecessary space in your mind. Link to comment
pdoog Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 Good point daisy I know it's all in my head, but I can't stop these idiotic feelings. I mean if she loved or cared for me she wouldn't of done what she did. Sure the break up was clean, and I did all the things you not supposed to after (beg,plead,stalk.) But now i think it finally sunk in that "maybe I wont ever hear from her again" Link to comment
DaisyDaisy Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Better to forget than to expect. But you have to WANT to forget. It's okay if you don't yet. You will want to eventually. Link to comment
nauum Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 I don't know...this is why I hate NC...I really think it gives them time to forget about you and go to another...but keeping in contact isn't working either. UGH!!! Link to comment
pdoog Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 I WANT TO SO BAD!! just very hard to. UGH!!!! is the right word nauum.. Why cant this be easy. Link to comment
ellie999 Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 I don't know...this is why I hate NC...I really think it gives them time to forget about you and go to another...but keeping in contact isn't working either. UGH!!! ya but you have to realize, NC is a mutual decision. if your not contacting her and its been 60 days since she contacted you, then she is consciously not calling you. if she loves you or misses you or wants you in her life, shell call. if not, forget it. why would i want to contact someone who doesnt want to contact me. Link to comment
pdoog Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 Ellie true, but that same person could be thinking that way as well. I know in my case my Ex is busy with her new relationship so any thought of me quickly gets pushed aside. Link to comment
Tired Tiger Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 I have lost everything that I held dear to my heart and I just want to scream at the top of my lungs!!! This pains me that words cannot describe the hurt I feel right now. I'm right there too, man. My entire life as I knew it - her, home, her kids, dogs... everything... gone like that. It's brutal. But rest assured, this will all ease with time. Link to comment
pdoog Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 Yep it is brutal, and now I am slowly picking up the pieces of my shattered existence. Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Yep it is brutal, and now I am slowly picking up the pieces of my shattered existence. We're all picking up those pieces. And I know I had a point yesterday where I very nearly just crashed to the floor with the weight of the reality that I had been in love with someone who loved me, and now... nothing... it's like the enormity of the thing my brain just had not wanted to deal with for the last several months, and recent events just forced it to the top of the list. Link to comment
pdoog Posted June 10, 2009 Author Share Posted June 10, 2009 Yea I totally understand that. Seems like just now I am realizing all this. She is off with her new love interest so for her she has that happiness again. I myself am not looking for that right now so I just need to heal and get back on my feet. I still feel like I am on my knees after being flattened on the ground Link to comment
atelis Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 it's hard pdoog, very hard. I find the two toughest points are when the break-up initially happens.......the shock and feelings of being lost are totally wrenching. The other tough point is weeks or months later when you let go of hope and the final separaton occurs. Cutting that chord can be both liberating but also very painful, because we fear letting go of our love for someone that we loved so deeply. It's really like a withdrawal.......for months or years you lived with a deep love in your heart for someone, then you just go back to living Link to comment
Tired Tiger Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 I am trying to be strong by not crying but I feel them at the threshold and I don't know if I can stop them from flowing. I don't think there's anything weak about letting it flow if you need to, especially if there's some privacy. We're not robots... Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 I don't think there's anything weak about letting it flow if you need to, especially if there's some privacy. We're not robots... Hell, I was silently crying in my cube at work yesterday for the better part of 4 hours.... Link to comment
waveseer Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 This may not make you feel any better right away, but I needed to accept this: There is a very good chance I will never feel the same about any other man as long as I live as I did about him. Today I can accept that, maybe once in a lifetime is all this human can handle. Link to comment
pdoog Posted June 10, 2009 Author Share Posted June 10, 2009 I don't think there's anything weak about letting it flow if you need to, especially if there's some privacy. We're not robots... Not but some people act like robots with no feeling or emotion towards certain people *cough* my ex after the break up Link to comment
Coyote9 Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 It's just so unbelievably hard for many of us here...a bunch of strangers who are in so much pain over having been left by people that we thought loved us and with whom we had hopes and dreams...poof...gone...I've been in a funk the last few days as well, now 5 weeks or so out of my being rather abrutly dumped out of a 6 month relationship by bya coupld of e-mails...so many unanswered questions and such shock still...the pain had now really settled in my gut and I can't just talk it away or think it through the way I tried in those initial days after the breakup...it just is...and it is the way it will be for awhile. My hope is underneath this avalanche of pain and confusion however...it's a tiny voice I can barely hear from under the rubble...but it's there. The reason I know this is from my own past experiences....previous relationships that have ended over the years that I felt much the same way...and now, hardly feel much about at all...other then the sense that these feelings are intense and they are very familiar. Daisydaisy said it best..."if you're going through hell, keep going." What other choice to we have but to just move ahead...even as that feels like something measures in centimeters at this point. Link to comment
manup7228 Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 okay words of wisdom coming at you...kind of some tough love...oh yeah, if you gotta cry, cry, let it out, people cry, it shows you did love at some point, i like to think if they didnt cry, then their coldness will come back at them one day, and i am better off...but back to my MAIN point hard facts: your thinking irrationally, period. its normal, i used to do it too. but lets take certain things you said and break them down. "Shes in a relationship now and seems extremely happy" Dude, what the h3ll? how do you know...lets say your going to reply and say i saw pictures...well lets think rationally, NO ONE, and i mean NO ONE, puts up sad pictures or angry pictures man. of course they want everything to appear happy but in retrospect, you literally have no idea. now lets say your going to say, well her friend said they were really happy, or i saw them out, another irrational source. not too many people argue or appear unhappy as a couple in public. its too degrading and just embarrassing, most people bottle it up and communicate once they get home. now the friend thing, i dont know about you, but my friends would back me up no matter what, and im sure hers are doing so for her. do you honestly think they are going to basically talk smack about their friend by going "yeah dude, she is SOOOO unhappy right now, like her relationship is pointless, cold, and heartless..." NO WAY IN H3LL! no matter what the relationship is like they are going to tell you its like a romeo and juliet liek relationship. now the she is not contacting you. dude, let me tell you, as bad as you could possibly want her back, this is a good thing. i know it doesnt sound like it but it is. trust me ive been contacted and it sucks. you think its going to alleviate you but really it doesnt. all it really does is show that while your out trying to better yourself, she is still the same person, she is not changing, and therefore if you got together again, odds are you would break up for the same reasons. you NEED her to go NC. not only for yourself but for her as well. a break up is a double-edged sword no matter how nasty the situation. you both have to change for it to work again summary: just because shes in a relationship, doesnt mean shes happy, and just because she is not talking to you, doesnt mean she dont think about you all the time. you get this in your head, your going to heal much faster. stay strong. man up. Link to comment
RobD70 Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 I don't know...this is why I hate NC...I really think it gives them time to forget about you and go to another...but keeping in contact isn't working either. UGH!!! The funny thing is the effects tend to be the opposite for each person. It helps the dumpee heal and move on while the dumper ends up thinking about the dumpee MORE and question themselves. Going NC shows you are strong enough the let them go and they respect that. You can't love someone you don't respect (which is why looking pathetic is a big turn off). IF, and that's and big "IF" there is ever a chance to reconcile then NC is the only way to go. Continuing contact actually helps them move away from you. It's very counter-intuitive which is why people screw up so much. Link to comment
Dante09 Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 "okay words of wisdom coming at you...kind of some tough love...oh yeah, if you gotta cry, cry, let it out, people cry, it shows you did love at some point, i like to think if they didnt cry, then their coldness will come back at them one day, and i am better off...but back to my MAIN point hard facts: your thinking irrationally, period. its normal, i used to do it too. but lets take certain things you said and break them down. "Shes in a relationship now and seems extremely happy" Dude, what the h3ll? how do you know...lets say your going to reply and say i saw pictures...well lets think rationally, NO ONE, and i mean NO ONE, puts up sad pictures or angry pictures man. of course they want everything to appear happy but in retrospect, you literally have no idea. now lets say your going to say, well her friend said they were really happy, or i saw them out, another irrational source. not too many people argue or appear unhappy as a couple in public. its too degrading and just embarrassing, most people bottle it up and communicate once they get home. now the friend thing, i dont know about you, but my friends would back me up no matter what, and im sure hers are doing so for her. do you honestly think they are going to basically talk smack about their friend by going "yeah dude, she is SOOOO unhappy right now, like her relationship is pointless, cold, and heartless..." NO WAY IN H3LL! no matter what the relationship is like they are going to tell you its like a romeo and juliet liek relationship. now the she is not contacting you. dude, let me tell you, as bad as you could possibly want her back, this is a good thing. i know it doesnt sound like it but it is. trust me ive been contacted and it sucks. you think its going to alleviate you but really it doesnt. all it really does is show that while your out trying to better yourself, she is still the same person, she is not changing, and therefore if you got together again, odds are you would break up for the same reasons. you NEED her to go NC. not only for yourself but for her as well. a break up is a double-edged sword no matter how nasty the situation. you both have to change for it to work again summary: just because shes in a relationship, doesnt mean shes happy, and just because she is not talking to you, doesnt mean she dont think about you all the time. you get this in your head, your going to heal much faster. stay strong. man up." Love it, I keep trying to imagine who I will be in time to come and who will be there. (Someone cool) Looking forward to that day! Link to comment
hulk7280 Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 man i needed to hear this today.. thank you Link to comment
pdoog Posted June 12, 2009 Author Share Posted June 12, 2009 Only reason I know that she in a relationship is now on her FB page there is ridiculous wall posts from her and her new bf back and forth saying I love you blah blah, you make me the happiest I ever been blah blah, you are perfect blah blah. This makes me laugh my ass off because its all the same stuff she once told me early on in our reltionship. I dont really want her back at this point. I just find it funny how she treats me now. I don't really care that she doesnt contact me anymore either. I have seen her true self and it is a pathetic one. Link to comment
rebelfac Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 I am also in this unfortunate club. I miss what I had so much and feel she is the coolest gal I will ever meet. Perfect wife, in bed and very charming & smart. She was the one for me and I blew it. Sure I learned from it but wish I would have read books before permanately learning the hard way. I don't believe in having to learn things this important the hard way. I was lucky enough to meet her and be with her for 14 years though. It's just so hard to imagine my life ever being as good. Link to comment
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