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do you even consider dating someone four hours away?


fatcat1999

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i was talking to a guy met online for a while,(havn't met in person yet) and we're four hrs apart. he seems a good match, but i'm hesitating.

 

how am i going to get to know the person only thru phone and msger communication? he talked about getting together next months, but even we like each other on the first meeting, then i'm guessing we won't be able to get together that often.

 

meeting each other once every two weeks doesn't seem to be sufficient enough to keep the date going;

 

i'm not trying to think about too far but in terms of dating, do you think i should give it a try? what if it's just "ok" feeling but technically he's a good match, should i still try to put in as much effort getting to know him? thanks.

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To me, dating someone 2-4 hours away is not a bad thing. It can work. My ex lived 2 hours from me and didn't drive at all. We spent the weekends at either my place of his place (he lived at home : ( ) and we saw each other in the middle of the week too (I would drive down to see him and spend the night). It helped that I had a flexible work schedule.

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My boyfriend and I are 13 hours apart from each other. Granted, when we met we went to the same high school but I only really see him 3-4 months out of the year. Other than summer and christmas, we never see each other.

 

I guess it depends on what kind of person you are. There are a lot of benefits to a long distance relationship. You value your time more and appreciate each other more. It forces you to talk more and get to know each other very well on a friend level. I can easily say that my best friend is my boyfriend. It forces you to go slower physically which takes the emphasis off shacking up. It forces you to develop amazing communication skills.

 

It also allows you to be an independent person. I'm still in college, so I am still mentally growing. Having too strong of an attachment to someone can stunt your growth at my age. If I were to go to the same college as him, I never would have branched out and grown into my own as much.

 

The decision is really yours but, when you look at the big picture, 2 days a week isn't that bad.

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I dated my previous girlfriend even though she lived a 2.5 hours train journey away while at University (I was still finishing high school). We only saw each other once a week, and kept it going like that for a year before I moved up to the same city as her. After that, we kept it going for another year and half.

 

So yes, it is possible, but in my case it required being willing to travel (which can be exhausting, and cost a lot of money). It was definitely worthwhile, and the time we spent together was incredible

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I think its possible. As debaser_wolf said, it depends on what kind of persons you are. I guess some people are simply not the LDR type.

 

Meet in person as soon as possible and see what will happen.

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LDRs can be really hard... and based on your personality and situation it can be doable or impossible... but if it's the right person and you can both handle each other's absence then it can work.

 

the last two years of college my SO lived 4 hours away... we would alternate weekends driving out to see each other. eventually she got a 4 day work schedule and came out to be with my 3 days every week.

 

It was taxing but that was years ago, we live together now and will be married later this year.

 

Her sister met someone online at the other end of the country, they hit it off online so she flew out to meet him and they got married 6 months later and have been happily married for a number of years now.

 

unless you really really need someone to be there all the time there's no reason not to consider a relationship with someone 4 hours away.

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i don't know how to drive (i'm in my late 20s, boon..)

 

probably i was thinking too much about the draw backs of LDR but debaser wolf and mrmellow got good points about the benefit of it. i'll have to wait for him to come here next months and see how chemistry might be. although we've talked on the phone for 45min and it's ok.

 

thanks everyone.

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I also experienced a long distance relationship (LDR) for 4+ years. It is of course doable.

 

HOWEVER, my LDR and the others posted here probably began by having both people in the same location. It is hard to develop the initial bond from a distance. It will also really wear on you after awhile, unless there is the possibility of moving close to each other. So, it really depends on the both of you and on the chemistry. You both have to be able to handle being apart and can't get jealous when the other is going out with friends from the opposite sex, etc... I personally don't think it is worth it, w/o developing the initial bond first.

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I'd have to really click with someone to consider starting up a relationship with a 4-hour distance.

 

And as Scorpion said, it's even more difficult when it starts as an LDR right out of the gate, as opposed to building up the relationship locally then, for some reason, turns into an LDR for a period of time.

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so why starts LD right out of the gate won't work well? can't really get to know the person?

 

 

I'd have to really click with someone to consider starting up a relationship with a 4-hour distance.

 

And as Scorpion said, it's even more difficult when it starts as an LDR right out of the gate, as opposed to building up the relationship locally then, for some reason, turns into an LDR for a period of time.

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so why starts LD right out of the gate won't work well? can't really get to know the person?

 

That's a little harder to explain in words. IMO, it would be very tough to develop a bond w/ a person from a distance. Another big reason is that people are different when you see them in person, compared to when you talk to them over the internet. If you spend all of your time apart, it is hard to really get to know the person.

 

I think of an LDR this way: You develop a bond, when you are apart, the bond slowly decays until it comes close to a time when you can see the other person again, and then it jumps up again and you get excited. However, I feel like the bond generally continues to decay throughout the LDR until it is gone. The stronger the initial bond, the longer the LDR can last. I can't imagine starting an LDR w/o that bond first. You just become apathetic about the relationship b/c you spend most of your time away from it.

 

If you're asking these questions, then I'd say you really want to try this. In that case go for it. You should only worry about your own opinion when it comes to dating. Who cares, what I think or the others think. If you are willing to try it, then try it.

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As longdist says, the choice in the end is yours as there are differing opinions here.....

 

Speaking of... mine is that I would never do it ever again. I did it 5 years ago for 4 months. And there was only a 2.5 hr. distance between -- us but that was enough. Neither of us drove at the time.

 

I wouldn't do it because there seemed an imbalance to the relationship to me, in that maybe I wanted to see him on a Wednesday (maybe there was an event I wanted to go to with him or just felt in the mood to see him very much) & maybe I wanted a little stretch of time for myself on a given (not every) Saturday or Sunday. After all I work very hard all week.

 

So it was a challenge to me in that I could not do fun things with him or even see him any of the 5 days of the week, and that if I wanted to see him I had to travel (which is tiring) & spend the entire weekend away. Or, if he visited me it was a whirlwind of house cleaning, trying to plan a couple of fun things to do, go shopping to fill the house with groceries... Not that it wasn't exciting to get to see him but all very tiring after working a long week. It can even be a bit much spending an entire wknd. with one person never leaving your side practically. As much as one might like the other, we all need to have some time of our own space as humans.

 

I am dating someone now & we take dance lessons together through the week, work out together several time per week, have taken classes together, etc. All stuff we would never have been able to do LD. You can't beat the kind of bonding & getting to know someone that living in the same city affords.[/i]

 

I will not ever date anyone who does not live in the same city as myself.

 

That all said - there are some on here where LD seems to have worked out really well, even leading to longevity.

 

I guess you would need to decide whether certain aspects of LD will begin bother you or whether you might honestly be okay with them.

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i was talking to a guy met online for a while,(havn't met in person yet) and we're four hrs apart. he seems a good match, but i'm hesitating.

 

how am i going to get to know the person only thru phone and msger communication? he talked about getting together next months, but even we like each other on the first meeting, then i'm guessing we won't be able to get together that often.

 

meeting each other once every two weeks doesn't seem to be sufficient enough to keep the date going;

 

i'm not trying to think about too far but in terms of dating, do you think i should give it a try? what if it's just "ok" feeling but technically he's a good match, should i still try to put in as much effort getting to know him? thanks.

 

 

 

No, you are never suposed to date anyone who lives 4 hours away. What's the point?

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To me, dating someone 2-4 hours away is not a bad thing. It can work. My ex lived 2 hours from me and didn't drive at all. We spent the weekends at either my place of his place (he lived at home : ( ) and we saw each other in the middle of the week too (I would drive down to see him and spend the night). It helped that I had a flexible work schedule.

 

But why were you willing to do it if he didn't drive?

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