Jump to content

some advice please


theirlaw99

Recommended Posts

hello all i was wondering if i could ask you for some advice.

i have been involved with a wonderful woman i love dearly for a while now. during the last little while i have been too clingy, needy and controlling - maybe due to the stress i was under at work but it has driven her to the point she wanted to end the relationship.

so we are over now fro a week and I am doing a semi-NC thing. These last few days though she has been getting quite aggressive with me. Claiming I never loved her, that I have already found someone, that I was better off without her etc etc.. obviously this is because I have backed off from being very clingy to just leaving her alone. I do want her back though. any ideas of how to respond to this?

 

thanks

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think the best thing to do is to explain to her once that what she is saying isn't the case, explain the reasons for you past and preset behaviour and that you are just giving her space as she broke up with you, would like to get back together but if she isn't willing to consider that then you will not be in contact as you need to move on.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sounds manipulative to me.

 

Even if you got back together with her....they end up pulling the same kind of crap.

 

We basically waste time we could have been using to date other people.

 

So do what you want.

 

Good luck.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think the key thing here is that you were controlling- and that could be the reason why you are getting what you are getting now-

 

she may have believed that you loved her- but she couldn't handle being controlled - nobody wants to be controlled.... everyone has a right to be free and make their own decisions.

 

and now that you have stepped back - she probably feels like you found someone else because how could you go from one extreme to another so quickly?

 

i think you need to evaluate your behavior in the relationship as far as control and neediness... - and if you want to re-establish a relationship with her communicate with her the changes you are going to make.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just let her know you need time to think. She is acting like this because she probably realized what she had and now that you are not pushing to get back with her she wondering what you are thinking. Stay strong and let her come to you

Link to comment
Share on other sites

exactly what i am doing

to lots of "all men are liars, you're as bad as all the rest" - "you're bound to shack up with someone" - "you never loved me and are better off without me".. very confusing!

 

 

Can't really understand this behaviour. It sounds to me that she didn't really want it to be over and that she is annoyed at how you took it. I'm thinking she broke up with you to get a reaction, and when she didn't get the reaction she wanted she got angry and started retaliating in this way.

 

Can you give any more info on what was said when the break up happened and how you handled it?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I can certainly try!

She asked for space. I argued and acted like a knob. she said well lets end it then.

Gave her some space, she lost it and told me I've moved on to fast. Next day met her briefly and she said, the feelings gone it is definitely over! two days latera female friend apeared on facebook, nothing goign on, and she went in to what i descibed above.

When she actually said it was over although I was bad on that day I have been calm, told her it wasn't what I wanted but I accepted her decision and that I woudl get on with my life.

it almost feels a little like she is trying to justify her decision by making out that i never cared and am just a lying bloke!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

How to leave an abusive relationshi...
How to leave an abusive relationship and why it's so hard

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...