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Contact or No Contact???


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This is a follow up to my original post.....

 

"I Broke Her Heart", currently on page 2 of this forum. (can't post a URL?)

 

.....I know we need time apart and I need outside perspectives on if and when I should start "no contact".

 

It has been about a week and a half since our "let's take a break/separation period" and two days since our in person, emotionally draining, 2 hour breakup.

 

I completely understand her need to constantly text, but she still wants to talk about whether or not I am sure I want to stay broken up. I am sure, 100% positive, pain and all. I know this is the right move for us both.

 

So should we go incommunicado? If so how do I let her know?

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Implementing no contact will work best and you should do it immediately. If she is still much into you any attempt you make at contacting her will create false hope in her mind and prolounge the moving on process. Usually no contact works best right from the start and you can transition to low contact after a few months to a year when the two of you feel ready and have moved on enough.

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this is a tough one for me to comment on. there are similarities in your story to mine... i like annie24's take.

 

its a BIG shock to your ex (even if she is in denial that maybe things in all honestly were not as good as they could have been given your posts, likely she will see this over time). and if she aware about your doubts all along there will be a sense of betrayal in your staying so long. she will need some time to process.

 

you could suggest a meet up in a week where you could answer some questions again for her. and perhaps one another day if she needs it a week or two later... but i think it is important to be blunt if it is your truth.. ie. 'i don't miss you' or 'i am really happy without you' ...

 

does she have supports, are there other stressful things going on in her life? factor that in.. you owe her this, in my opinion anyways...

 

avoid any physical contact that will confuse her.

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I think I'd go for 30 days apart to let everything settle down and see what happens. Neither of you may want to talk at that point, or maybe there will be a more clearcut picture of what to discuss if you do talk.

 

It will be hard for her if you go this route, plus she might be "looking forward" to the 30 day mark with false hope... those are the risks.

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