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First post here in a while ... feeling much better, but still have my bad days.

 

In any case, I have a dilemma of sorts.

 

My ex owes me a substantial sum of cash. About 6 weeks ago she said she'd be in touch within a few weeks to start paying it back. Naturally I haven't heard anything back. Its not so much she hasnt started paying it back, its the saying she'd be in touch to sort things out and then not having the courtesy to actually get in touch when I have been more then polite enough and even broke no contact to respond to her letting me know she'd be giving it back. It feels like I haven't got complete control of my life while I'm waiting for this to be sorted.

 

So rather then waiting for her I am contemplating manning up and sending a polite message to enquire timelines regarding the money (stressing I don't need it now, but I need to know when to expect it).

 

I feel very catch 22. On one hand I'm okay most of the time now, still have moments of sadness/ anger but I haven't broken down for God knows how long. Yet I still think about her most of the time, she's always on my mind (back or forefront) and I think in part its because I'm anxious because I know we're going to have to have another conversation regarding money. So would it not be best to get this out the way, deal with any emotional repercussions and then know that I never have to deal with her again?

 

Or should I wait, but then this financial attachment and knowledge of an impending conversation is perhaps preventing me from completely letting go. I don't think I'm using this as an excuse to get in touch, but part of me wonders if on some subconscious level I'm curious to see what shes up to and show her what I'm up to (new job, went travelling, had some success with my writing etc).

 

I really don't know whats the best course of action to help me get to where I need to get.

 

Sorry, rambling a bit, genuine, emotionless confusion

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The last thing I'd say is that I don't need the money now. I'd send an email stating the full amount and how much you expect to be paid by a specific date. Save the email for documentation in small claims court if it comes to that. Treat this like business--and collect what she owes you. Walking on eggshells won't get you respect or your money. Frankly, I'd file a small claim sooner rather than later. If she opts to settle out of court, then all the better. It sounds as though you've been taken advantage of, and playing doormat to win 'nice guy' points won't benefit you on either front.

 

In your corner.

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I agree that you should go ahead and make brief courteous contact, reminding about the amount owed, and the expected date of delivery. For me, sooner rather than later would be better, less build up of anxiety about the talk. Good luck, and take care of yourself.

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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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