Guy I'm dating did/does Steroids!

[FreedomRing]

From Wiki -

 

 

 

Not to mention, all major sports bodies will disqualify any individual found to be using steroids.

 

Personally? I view steroid use in the same light as illicit drug use. If the guy cheats in sports, what else is he going to cheat at?

 

I agree with this. This would be my issue. It's the reasons behind why he chose/choosing to do it that would have me running. Besides, you've already made the vow to yourself to never get involved with someone again who uses drugs. Trust your gut here.

[sasha1982]

Hmm so I had a talk with him about it.. It was bothering me so I just messaged him saying I wanted to know more about his usage and any negatives that could happen because of it.. He knows about my ex and that he dealt drugs and was very aggressive and he knows this is a big concern of mine getting involved with anyone that xhibits any of these behaviours.. He told me that he takes very small doses and only takes it for his show.. He goes on and off the steroids tapering his way off, and takes the medication to get his testosterone levels back to normal. He has been taking steroids on and off in small doses since he played football back in College.

 

I mentioned to him that the only reason I was worried is that the side effects of even coming off the drugs can cause depression, mood swings, etc and I was wondering if these things were going to be an issue.

I made it clear that I don't tell people how to run their lives, but if something becomes a problem for me and affects my relationship with someone than that is where I draw the line and would decide not to continue any further.

 

He told me that I should have noticed by now, that he's the type to put someone else first (me) and if something bothers me he would change whatever it is that he is doing... So maybe that's his way of saying if we get more serious he would consider stopping? I don't know... I am happy with this for now.. He knows how I feel about it, he was really good about it and said he was upset at work and wanted to talk to me about it.. He said he wanted to me to talk to him about anything now or in the future when it bothers me and don't be afraid to bring it up.

 

So I will just be careful and watch and continue getting to know him. He says he does them in such small doses and cycles on and off like once per year that it doesn't have harmful side effects.

Not sure i believe that 100%, but it's one of those things that ANYTHING in moderation shouldn't hurt you right? I could drink alcohol 4-5 times a week and be more unhealthy than he is..

I'm not saying I agree, but all I can do is take what I see and make my decisions based on how he treats me, or how he acts on a regular basis.

[retired1]

What part of illegal does he not understand? And he's a cop??

[sasha1982]

Uhh yep.. Aren't all cops probably crooked..

I'm not saying I'm going to marry this guy.. I am going to watch and see what kind of person he is over time.. even aside from the steroid ocassional usage, I still have no idea what he could really be like as a person..

[mrmellow]

What part of illegal does he not understand? And he's a cop??

 

I used to do competitive powerlifting... a lot of the competitive body builders and powerlifters at my gym were cops... most of them also juiced

 

just because they enforce the law doesn't mean they're a pillar of morality themselves.

 

as for roid-rage... it's not a myth, but it's not as bad as people make it out to be either... these people are pumping themselves full of testosterone it makes them more aggressive/alpha-male-ish... peoples tempers get shorter and the hormone boost ups their average heart rate, adrenaline, and stress levels...

 

obviously if someone is normally a mouse-ish person this kind of boost wont turn them into the incredible hulk ... in most cases no one will even notice, but those people who are already on the edge of snapping, tip right over and blow up all the time... it doesn't effect their self restraint either, so if someone is good about bottling up their rage then they'll still be able to bottle it up, the only difference it's it presents them with more to keep under wraps...

 

It effects different people differently, I've known a lot of nice even tempered juicers, and I've known a number of a-holes who went all Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde too.

 

aside from the mood swings and hormone changes I don't think steroids have many short term side effects... it's the long term damage that is a problem it can shave DECADES off your lifespan.

[EQD]

Right now you are downplaying this issue because you dont really want to break up with him.

and then you downplay the drug use and its harmful effects as well.

also going back on your previous word.

ahh... what love does to people.

 

before you said he just did it for shows, now you say he cycles on and off all year. Seems like he was fudging the truth.

So surely if using drugs isnt enough for you to leave someone.. maybe lying is.

 

Watch and see if he has a pattern of being dishonest with you. Seems like maybe its already started.

[mrmellow]

Right now you are downplaying this issue because you dont really want to break up with him.

and then you downplay the drug use and its harmful effects as well.

also going back on your previous word.

ahh... what love does to people.

 

before you said he just did it for shows, now you say he cycles on and off all year. Seems like he was fudging the truth.

So surely if using drugs isnt enough for you to leave someone.. maybe lying is.

 

Watch and see if he has a pattern of being dishonest with you. Seems like maybe its already started.

 

I never got the impression that he lied to her... he told her that he does it for shows... later she asked him how long he's been doing it and he said off and on since college...

 

That's not lying, that's having a conversation about current context and then another one later about historical context.

 

 

I also don't think she's downplaying the issues at all... considering that it sounds like he's currently NOT using them and she's more worried about what will happen once he starts up again.

 

It also sounds like he'd be willing to give it up for her, which I think is a very important aspect...

 

It's a difficult situation because someone in his position doesn't necessarily see what he does as a bad thing... the relationship is still very young, and giving up the juice would pretty much mean him giving up competitive body building.

 

If he IS serious about giving it up than that would be a huge gesture on his part. Honestly I think it would be in the best interest of both parties if he did.... but like I said it's a hard sell from his point of view.

[diabolik]

Right now you are downplaying this issue because you dont really want to break up with him.

and then you downplay the drug use and its harmful effects as well.

also going back on your previous word.

ahh... what love does to people.

Good summary.

[EQD]

mr mellow, if i am not mistaken he said he only did it for the show in january.

that doesnt constitute cycling since college.

 

(unless of course i misunderstood)

 

that would have been a lie.

[EQD]

"He does bodybuilding and is very in-shape and muscular and has been honest with me about going on Steroids for his last show in January. He says he is currently off the steroids and taking another medication from his doctor to make sure he doesn't have any side effects of going off the steroids"

 

" He told me that he takes very small doses and only takes it for his show.. He goes on and off the steroids tapering his way off, and takes the medication to get his testosterone levels back to normal. He has been taking steroids on and off in small doses since he played football back in College. "

 

so.. okay. thats what we have so far.

 

he's addicted to using steroids. how many years has it been since he played football??

[mrmellow]

he's addicted to using steroids. how many years has it been since he played football??

 

AFAIK steroids are not addictive, at least not anymore so than caffeine... any sort of addictive behavior comes from people desiring to keep up the "enhanced" body they get as a result of steroid use.

 

She said he played football in college... so I'm assuming he was 18-21, and she said that he's 34 now. so thats 13-17 years he's been using them off and on.

 

As for the "lie" keep in mind that you're basing it off of nuances in how she's been presenting the information and we're hearing it 2nd hand.

 

The real issue here is that he's using an illegal and harmful substance and that bothers her on a personal level and she needs advice on how to approach and deal with the situation.

 

It can't really be compared to other forums of drug use because it doesn't have an immediate and adverse effect on his state of mind, nor is it addicting in that his body builds up a dependency... This produces a peculiar situation because on the one hand discussing it's use can be done with both parties speaking rationally... however on the other hand the biggest dangers of it's use aren't immediately apparent to the user as most steroid users simply see it as a medical tool towards reaching their fitness goals.... the complications and health problems only occur when they're misused (which it sounds like they're not being misused) or years after the fact where the body starts failing prematurely due to over stressing earlier in life.

[diabolik]

AFAIK steroids are not addictive, at least not anymore so than caffeine... any sort of addictive behavior comes from people desiring to keep up the "enhanced" body they get as a result of steroid use.

From what I've read, you're right, there isn't a real physical addiction. The addiction is to the body image and the pursuit of ever larger size. And that addiction can be very powerful.

 

As for him offering to give up roids for her, I would guess that's a bluff. After using for 10+ years, he's going to give them up for a girl he's known 6 weeks?

[mrmellow]

you never know...

 

besides, at his age he's past his body building prime anyway.

 

most of the body builders I've known over the years were either smart and "retired" in their mid 30s... or had trouble letting go of the image and crashed and burned...

 

It is a very difficult situation considering the age of the relationship, and how long he's been juicing. but if he really likes her and realizes that he wont be able to really compete much longer anyway then I don't see why he wouldn't give "retiring" some serious thought.

[sasha1982]

Hi guys..

 

Sorry I didn't mean to say he said he would give up using the steroids for me.. I never asked him to do that either..

I made a reference to something he said (which I can't remember exactly) but it was to the effect that if we are together and something bothers me, he is the type to do whatever he can to make me happy.

 

That was all he said... I don't exactly know what that means in regards to his steroid usage.. Maybe he's insinuating if we were together down the road and serious than he could see himself going off them? I would have to get clarification on that.. But like I said, after 6 weeks of dating him I even told him I was uncomfortable even telling him I was bothered with this.. As it may or may not even be acceptable for me to mention this early on.. But he said he had no problem talking to me about it and encourages me to ask him or let him know when something is bothering me.. He said that he cares for me and wanted to be honest about his usage.

 

He seemed genuinely concerned and bothered when I mentioned that I was trying to get some facts before I made any decisions..

He wanted to come talk right away after work..

 

As MrMellow mentioned, he is 34 this year.... And he told me he has done steroids on and off since college football days, so yes that was around 19-21... He already told me he's been training for 17 years straight. He actually did admit to me he has a bit of an "addictive personality" when I asked him how he was able to keep such motivation to train and eat so healthy..

 

It's a really tough situation because I feel I could be over-stepping my boundaries showing such disapproval so early on.. But I guess it's better than not saying anything.

 

He currently is going off the steroids as I mentioned, however I have no asked when he plans to go back on them. I would "assume" it will be a few months before his next bodybuilding competition in January 2010.

 

I also agree with the points made that he's 34 years old and isn't he getting a little old to be doing bodybuilding? I don't know what level he is competing at but he won first in heavyweight on his first competition.. So really what else is there to prove???? How about go off the steroids and train and see if you can win first this time around? I never said that, I just thought of that now.. lol

 

I was just trying to get through to him that I'm not telling him what to do, I support whatever makes someone I am with happy.. But I just think drugs are wrong and seems unnecessary to me.. He doesn't make a living at bodybuilding.. He won a trophy and some supplements for pete's sake! Seems crazy to want to put potentially harmful drugs into your body for recreation..

But I told him I didn't want to get into a moral debate about it.. I was just worried about his health and if we were to work out down the road, his health would become my concern and I also mentioned me being concerned if there were any side effects shown towards me such as aggression, mood swings, impotency.. etc.

 

MrMellow knows a great deal about the steroids, and I had asked him if low-dose steroids caused side-effects because most of the resources out there seem to be geared towards high-dose or abuse.. Low-dose steroid use doesn't seem to cause many side effects. My concern however, was are there "long" term side effects he may not be aware of?

[retired1]

I can't believe I'm reading this... You're seeing a cop, who is sworn to uphold the law, and he's using illicit drugs. What's wrong with this picture? What else is he willing to bend or break as far as the rules or law.

[sasha1982]

Sorry for the added facts, I originally posted only knowing about his steroid use for the last show he did, which he told me was his first competitive bodybuilding show. I later asked him (after I made this thread) how long ago he went on steroids and does he do them often?

 

That's when he told me he started using them in college for football. That I was unaware of! I thought he only recently went on them for this past show in January. He never told me of any other times he went on them, but saying he has been on them since College, it is pretty apparent he has been doing this his whole life.

 

It seems he is only on them now once per year. These bodybuilding shows for him are once per year. His first was January 2009 and his next is January 2010. He is now going off of them (for now). I am only assuming he is going on them next year. I can't exactly see him competing "clean" this time around.

 

*sigh*... I dunno, for me the real issue is WHY is he so obsessed with getting big?

 

I spent all weekend with him, Sat/Sun was when the "penis issues" started.. Monday we talked and that's when it started bothering me because I made a joke if he was still broken and he kept aplogizing and said it was only because of the show he did in January.. I apolgized and said I shouldn't joke, I was kidding and I understand... But after I spent a few hours thinking that's when it started to bother me... See this weekend it really hit me that I care alot about him.. I had a sun-burn on Saturday night and when I slept over he took such good care of me even putting aloe-vera lotion all over me and tucking me into bed lol.. So cute and didn't even try anything physical with me. He is just a super caring person, I could go on for days about how thoughtful he is.

 

He even just texted me if I wanted him to come by later real quick to give me a hug and has been asking if I'm ok with everything? I told him it was ok, I didn't expect him to go out of his way to come hug me lol... But he just said that I was totally worth it and a whole lot more...

 

He just seems like such a kind hearted person, and I want to be supportive about all this.. Even if I decide I can't take on anyone else's issues in my life (because of my past) I still want to be kind in the way I do this, or give him a chance before I just say forget it. He almost seems embarassed like he knows it's an addiction of his.

My best friend who set me up with him (dated his best friend a year ago) she even told me his last girlfriend HATED his bodybuilding and was always harping on him for it... So I'm going to go with I'm not the first girl to have issues with this in his life.. Although I don't know any further details than that..

[sasha1982]

I can't believe I'm reading this... You're seeing a cop, who is sworn to uphold the law, and he's using illicit drugs. What's wrong with this picture? What else is he willing to bend or break as far as the rules or law.

 

I agree, I'm not saying it's morally right... However, he is only affecting HIS body no one elses.... Cops are human too, I am sure there are many who have addictions like drugs, alcohol, sex addictions, gambling, whatever else. I am not justifying it for him, but he isn't selling to anyone, he is doing this to his own body.

[diabolik]

*sigh*... I dunno, for me the real issue is WHY is he so obsessed with getting big?

Cuz they all wanna look like Ronnie.

image removed

What? A thread about steroid use is useless without pics!

 

As for your idea about him competing clean - forget it, there's no way he can compete clean against guys like him who are juicing.

[sasha1982]

hahah that's a big dude!!

 

My guy doesn't look that big ! I gotta say though, I've seen these guys before & after and they don't always look like that ! They dehydrate their bodies the day before so they look even more cut/veiny.. and they put this tanning paste on which darkens them and makes them look even more cut. It just makes it look even more ridiculous than it actually is

[Capricorn3]

I've read this entire thread and it boggles the mind, lol. You have got tons of great advice, with the majority of members all saying the same thing (be careful, break up, illegal drugs, he's a cop but breaking the law, red flags and warning signs all over the place) etc etc, yet all the way through, you consistently find excuses as to not break up with him. I don't get it.

 

You've only been together for 6 weeks, hardly enough time to really make any significant connection, yet you are questioning so many things already, but ignore all the awesome advice given here and find excuses as to stick by him. Don't you see something wrong with the overall picture here in general?

[sasha1982]

Well I don't need to "break up" with him, since we never officially became a couple.. But I am going to think about it and see how I feel.. I don't believe in sleeping with more than one person at a time, but that doesn't mean that I can't date around and maybe find someone that isn't into steroids or a lifestyle like this. I don't feel I really owe him anything after 6 weeks.. I just won't get serious with him if I feel I want to date other people and I will tell him that..

Just because I care about him and have been physical, it doesn't mean that I am convinced he is my soul mate and I am going to ignore everything and go looking for wedding dresses tomorrow. I can still take my time and make a decision later to stop seeing him completely if I don't want things to develop.. Or I can be honest and tell him I don't want things to get serious because of this.. Doesn't mean I have to stop seeing him/sleeping with him.

[mrmellow]

Steroids aside... I understand what you're doing... you like him a lot and you're hoping there's a way that you can be with this guy without telling him he has to give up what he loves.

 

Honestly, I think the best thing you can do is just tell him where you stand

 

-you really like him

-you're not comfortable being with someone who uses illegal drugs (regardless of how he justifies it)

-you don't want to tell him to give up what he loves but you don't want to commit yourself to someone with that kind of lifestyle.

 

at that point the decision is up to him.

 

If he's off the drugs now (or cycling down) then you could date him for a while without really worrying about it but eventually he'll have to make a choice, you or body building.

[sasha1982]

Some really good advice guys, thanks... At least I am seeing these things early on and can pace myself emotionally and step-back if need be.. That is something I have learnt with age, when I was younger I used to fall in love with so many of the "wrong" guys because I failed to see signs early and was too blind to certain things about people like their lifestyle, friends, up-bringing, etc. Now I realize the importance of taking things slow and getting to learn about someone before you invest your emotions 100%.

 

My last relationship was a big eye opener.. he turned out to be very controlling and emotionally abusive, and by that time I found out we were already living together and engaged at 6 months.. Just stupidity!!

 

At least with this guy I am well aware of what he does for these shows.. and his past use... Now I can keep an eye on his behaviour and see how he reacts in stressful situations or arguments, etc.

 

Like MrMellow said, he is going off of the meds now so I will get a feel for his personality "normally".. But like I said before, I haven't seen any aggression or anything odd from him thus far.. everyone says he's a really good guy, he seems very well liked and he's very reserved.

He actually is VERY in touch with his emotions for a guy... He is always being affectionate and hugging, kissing and saying really sweet things.. He just seems like a big suck really.. He has this passiveness to him.. I also heard from my best friend his friend's tease him about the way he is... So really, he doesn't have the alpha male personality from what I have seen. That is why I am being a little forgiving, because I know what my ex-fiance was like and he from day 1 was alpha-male.. Sure he was all Mr. Nice guy in the beginning, but his dominant personality was very evident the first moment I met him. This guy does not have that quality, thank goodness.

 

Who knows, maybe this guy would stop taking the drugs for good? Not that I have even asked, but I myself wouldn't give up anything for a guy after knowing him 6 weeks! The good sign to me so far is that he was VERY open and welcoming about talking to me about how I felt about the whole thing.. I was very pleased with how he handled all of this. He messaged me after we had our talk and he asked if I felt better.. and I said a little bit, thanks for clearing some things up. And he said what would make you feel ALOT better?

I don't remember what I said, but I should have said GET OFF them for good lol.... But I will use that approach later on, if we last and all goes well.

[sasha1982]

Oh I just thought of another question/concern... I know steroid use is said to shrink the testicles.. Is this from long-term usage?

Is it from higher doses? Or could it be from any steroid use no matter how small or infrequent...?

 

Reason I am asking is I have visual proof (I've seen them lol) his testicles are VERY VERY small.. his sac is practically empty.. He can't lie to me about that one if he tried.

[diabolik]

Oh I just thought of another question/concern... I know steroid use is said to shrink the testicles.. Is this from long-term usage?

Is it from higher doses? Or could it be from any steroid use no matter how small or infrequent...?

 

Reason I am asking is I have visual proof (I've seen them lol) his testicles are VERY VERY small.. his sac is practically empty.. He can't lie to me about that one if he tried.

mrmellow may know better, but I would expect them to shrink a little even after one cycle - basically the body detects all the exogenous testosterone derivatives and shuts down its own testosterone production - that's why the testicles shrink. And you've already seen the impotence caused by low testosterone. The idea behind using clomid, a fertility drug, is that acts as an anti-estrogen, and allows the body to start producing testosterone again, so presumably the testicles will get bigger again. I think guys also use HCG to try and avoid testicular atrophy in the first place.

 

I don't know if after many repeated cycles the testicles ever get back to full size and if natural testosterone levels ever get back to normal levels. But if I had to guess, I'd say both size and T levels are permanently retarded.

 

Lots of speculation on my part, but if anyone knows better, chime in.

 

One last thing: some guys claim that their testicles don't shrink, and maybe that's true for some, but I imagine their is a high degree of resistance to a guy admitting he took drugs for purely aesthetic reasons and ended up shrinking his jewels. In any event, shrinkage is certainly an issue for your bf.