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what's wrong with being quiet?


penguin26

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so, can someone tell me why people always have to point out when someone is quiet? like, "why are you so quiet? you need to talk more." since when was being quiet a bad thing? i'm not shy, i just don't always feel that i need to fill up space with useless babble. i like being alone, and when i'm with people, i don't always have something to say, so i don't. so why do other people see quiet as something like a disease? i don't need to change my natural personality, it's who i am. i'm fine with it, so why are others uncomfortable with it?

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The people that point that out are usually insecure people themselves and they don't understand why someone isn't like them and opening their mouth every 5 seconds.

 

Personally, I'd rather be more quiet and reserved than be the guy who never shuts up.

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I'm usually quiet myself and I get that comment a lot.

 

sometimes I'll just shrug and other times I'll stab them back with something witty...

 

just don't let it bother you... it's their problem not yours

 

 

EDIT:

here are some of my favorite responses:

-*just shrug and make a concerted effort to not make any verbal response at all*

-*look them straight in the eyes as if you're confused and then mouth the word: "what?"*

-"you haven't given me any topics worth talking about"

-"there's a lot I'd like to say but I have trouble expressing myself monosyllabically enough for you to understand"

-"I'm just doing my part to reduce noise pollution"

-"it's better to lay silent and be thought a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt"

-"why do YOU feel the need to constantly blather on? Are you uncomfortable with silence?"

-if they were going on an on and then a moment of silence occurred before they asked you why you're quiet "oh? is it my turn to talk already? I thought you were just catching your breath."

-*act surprised* "huh? wha? sorry, was I sleeping with my eyes open again? That tends to happen when I'm stuck listening to some dullard"

 

I have a friend who constantly talks ALL THE TIME, he's a good guy but he just never shuts up and he's constantly trying to be funny... I give him crap all the time for it.

 

usually I'm nicer about it when it's with family...

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Quiet isn't a bad thing. But recently I've asked somebody why they were bein so quiet. Because I've hung with her alot recently and she doesn't talk unless directly asked a question to. It wasn't that I was saying there was anything wrong with it. I was just simplly wondering if she didn't like us, or didn't like the subject we were talking about. I always just thought she felt embarrased about the thoughts she had about anything.

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Our society contains a lot of extroverts.

 

A lot of people associate quietness with there being something wrong (nervousness, worrying, something on your mind), so, some people ask.

 

Also, if you're in a one on one conversation with someone and aren't really saying anything to keep the conversation going, people will ask you because they either don't want to do all the talking or (if in a group settings) want to include you in the conversation.

 

I don't think they are trying to be mean or are being insecure by asking why someone is being quiet. If they don't know you well, they don't know that that is just part of your personality.

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Our society contains a lot of extroverts.

 

A lot of people associate quietness with there being something wrong (nervousness, worrying, something on your mind), so, some people ask.

 

Also, if you're in a one on one conversation with someone and aren't really saying anything to keep the conversation going, people will ask you because they either don't want to do all the talking or (if in a group settings) want to include you in the conversation.

 

I don't think they are trying to be mean or are being insecure by asking why someone is being quiet. If they don't know you well, they don't know that that is just part of your personality.

I completely agree with you on this one and I was actually feeling pretty isolated and alone on this issue until I opened up your reply.

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If the lack of communication developed over time then yes it is an issue.

If someone is quiet from the start then they are just that.

If they knew you were quiet there is no need to change if this is what you are.

Just make a peep reassure every now and then, thats all.

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Quiet people are kind of hard to get to know. I like to make friends with people and quiet people always seem standoffish. Maybe they are not, but they make me decidedly uncomfortable. I guess I'm outgoing and I don't understand what goes through a quiet person's mind. When I'm alone, I'm quiet, but when I'm with people, I'm talkative. Why not communicate with people, share a joke, a story, a kind word, a sport's score? It's what makes the world a friendlier place.

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you don't have to say much, if you are an introvert person, but people usually like it (especially if they are considering you a friend) to know that you are enjoying yourself. Maybe there is a way you can express that without having to use too many words.

 

If someone is outgoing, I usually have a fair idea if they are having a good time or not; if someone was very quiet I would be concerned that they are not happy and thus would try to find out what was wrong.

 

Let me ask you this: what happens when you are with another quiet person? Does one of you take the initiative in the conversation, or are you both silent? - How does that make you feel then?

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Let me ask you this: what happens when you are with another quiet person? Does one of you take the initiative in the conversation, or are you both silent? - How does that make you feel then?

 

I'm just going to give my thought since I apply to the same 'introvert' category that you mentioned about.

 

Generally speaking, I tend to see more depth in introverted people, enough to be interested in exploring their viewpoints on things.

 

It's not so much that introverts don't talk, it's that the counterpart, lets call them extroverts!, is being too surface with them.

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^^^ isn't this a bit too generalizing?

 

Yeah, it's a valid argument.

 

That being said, I do realize that introverts can get other introverts to talk and become quick friends - given that the introvert we're talking about is like the OP, where he just felt no need to talk and not the "I don't know what to say" introverts.

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I'm quiet as well. My boss asked me the other day why I don't talk anymore and I said "What do you want to talk about?" That shut him up haha.

 

When I'm in a big group and I try to say something usually the people that are loud never stop talking enough to let me get a word in and my voice is naturally quiet so sometimes people can't hear me. If it's a group of people I'm comfortable with I'll talk really loud and get myself noticed, but if I've just met you I won't.

 

advice to outgoing people talking to a quiet person...talk to them one on one away from a group first. It's easier to open up to someone when you're not worried what everyone else is thinking about what you're saying.

 

Also a lot of the time I'm just thinking about my life and I don't realize I'm not talking. I also like observing and "people watching". Don't you ever wonder what other people's stories are? I try to picture what a day in the life of someone else is.

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wow. interesting to see how this thread is going.

to reply to your posts, penelope13, just because a person is quiet does not mean they don't know how to start and carry on a conversation. i too, like dancergirl, like to "people watch" and observe. introverts are not necessarily inept at talking in groups - we just don't always feel the need to put our two cents in, especially when we find the conversation... not exactly interesting (btw, i liked Creatives post)

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As a kid I was an extreme introvert. Now I'm a really talkative extrovert when you put me around 1 or 2 of my friend's. But I still like to kick back in large loud groups (I generally observe the conversations and don't speak up because the ones talking are plenty loud enough ).

 

Personally I don't mind the quiet types at all but I get along much more with people that speak up a little so I can actually get to know them. Introverts are intimidating sometimes because I can't tell what mood they're in.

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The people that point that out are usually insecure people themselves and they don't understand why someone isn't like them and opening their mouth every 5 seconds.

 

Personally, I'd rather be more quiet and reserved than be the guy who never shuts up.

 

Quiet people are boring. and because they're boring, they are annoying to hang out with.

 

i personally dislike it if a quiet person is in a group, since you don't know what they are thinking. for this reason, i shy away from quiet people.

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I'm guessing you're not a quiet person, but you don't seem all that fun to hang out with either. It works both ways

 

i'm simply stating a common opinion.

 

if you're in a group out somewhere, say at a party or something, the quiet person usually stands out and makes others feel uncomfortable. most of the time one is with this person, you're thinking "what's he/she thinking?" or "why doesn't s/he talk?".

 

IMO, it's not about being immature or infantile in a perception of quiet people. I think it's just different personalities have differing triggers. An outgoing person feels comfortable if others are also engaging.

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Quiet people are boring. and because they're boring, they are annoying to hang out with.

 

i personally dislike it if a quiet person is in a group, since you don't know what they are thinking. for this reason, i shy away from quiet people.

 

It's kind of interesting. I agree with penelope's comment with regards to generalizing introvert/extrovert because the scenario is more complicated than just pegging someone as encompassing all characteristic that introvert or extrovert should have.

 

I can see there are many types of introverts and extroverts each with varied level of intensity. But level of depth is still something I would peg owning to introverts.

 

I thought sanadee made an interesting point. Because from my side of the coin, when I do speak to extroverts, unless it's something very down to earth like food/movies etc... they wouldn't be able to discuss issues / ideas with me very well. I know they're not the type who will go in detail about things I want to go in detail about. In other words, they're not that interested so I don't want to talk to them about it. I've been brushed off by extrovert's impatient more often than not because they don't know the topic I hold so very dearly. When they do discuss it, they made themselves sound like an idiot because they know nothing about it but still have an 'opinion'. If I were to have a pleasant discussion, I might have to define some terms and introduce some ideas before we can get things started. If do think they know the topic, very soon I'll be able to figure out they really don't.

 

It's kind of the same with me and 'places'. If extrovert were to talk about the local places in my area, I probably wouldn't know a lot of local places. They may have to explain where exactly it is to me. Same thing with people. If I live in a dorm with an extrovert, I probably wouldn't know anyone that is not on my floor whereas they would be able to.

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