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Need help in either responding or not responding


dd

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There is a guy that I met a few weeks ago, who had been flirting with me, but he did not ask for my number. I was really surprised that he didn't.

 

I saw him Saturday, he started with the compliments again and tried to kiss me, but I refuse. He had to leave because his friend was leaving.

 

Again, I was in disbelief that he did not ask for my number. I got upset again.

 

The next day I get a message on FB, I guess he had found me. He requested to be friends and also writes a personal note:

 

"I owe a big apology for last night and I had a nice time the dancing was a lot of fun. I promise I will behave next time. lol"

 

The lol, got me upset too....but then again he could have been embarressed.

 

Should I write him back, I'm thinking no. I gave him two chances to ask for my number again. yeah I could have given my number to him but I wasn't able to.

 

I'm going to decline his request on FB.

 

Any suggestions would be deeply appreciated.

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Maybe he was scared? I speak for us shy guys who don't know * * * they are doing and may not ask for #'s due to lack of girl pick up skills. Unless he was like, really super social and seemed like more of a ladies man, in that case maybe he didn't want it for some reason? I can't imagine why not, guys always want numbers right? RIGHT?! lol.

 

Edit: another reason he could be shy, is the fact that he went through facebook first. Its always safer and easier behind the computer screen ya know?

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Some guys don't know that asking for a number is such a big deal to girls, that this is how you judge if a guy likes you. Believe it or not, this isn't knowledge that we are born with. But the fact that he tried to kiss you makes it seem like he should know to ask for your number.

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Some guys don't know that asking for a number is such a big deal to girls, that this is how you judge if a guy likes you.

 

I'll have to fess up to this one, though not so surprising given I didn't even know it was stock normal to ask for a person's phone number till a few years ago (yes that's right, I'm 25). Shows you the overprotective environment I'm working my way out of.

 

But on a related question (I hope this doesn't cause major de-rail), what about the reverse; if a girl asks for your number - although in my case it was during the date. (I still ask this of what girls think of this. Big deal in reverse).

 

topic dd I would agree with the others and say add. Do you want to decline him because you don't think he's interested (cos he didn't ask for your number) or because you actually don't like him (e.g. going in for the kiss, or the apparent LOL with the Facebook message). On the FB message too, I can understand him trying to make light of it with the 'lol' and not come off sounding so sorry and serious. As a shy guy it would take a lot for me to ask for someone's number, though I have to say a bit strange to go the kiss but not the phone number.

As for what to do my take on it (disclaimer: I'm like bottom rung of eNA so don't listen to me!) I would say to ask yourself if you like him enough to give him a chance ... (give him your number or whatever)

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knotty, To me I assume that if you want to get to know a woman better and hope to see her again, you could ask for her number. To me yes, that is a sign if a guy is really interested in a guy and also how fast a guy calls her. Oh I forgot to ad, trying to kiss you as well.

 

Symbolic: the idea of him looking at my FB profile prior makes me think he was checking me out before that night and new where to find me.

 

I didn't give him my number because he didn't ask for it.

 

If I respond what would i say to his reply.

 

Thanks keep them coming.

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I want to decline him because I don't want him seeing my profile....lol...

 

I don't believe that he likes me too much if he didn't ask for my number.

 

I guess I want him to work a little harder...he did put an effort.

 

 

I am interested in him, but his behavior doesn't lack much interest.

 

With him trying to kiss me, I let him kiss me on the cheek, we weren't on a date.

 

I was dancing with him, smiling at him and flirting.

 

What makes you think I was not interested in him.

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Oh, please. stop with the "I want him to work harder" - that is not a reasonable or wise attitude, especially in this day and age. You could just as easily asked for his number as he could have asked for yours. This is 2009 not 1959. Men should no more have to 'work' to get a woman's attention than she should.

 

If you are genuinely not interested then refuse the request but if that is the case why post about him?

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I don't believe that he likes me too much if he didn't ask for my number.

 

I guess I want him to work a little harder...he did put an effort.

Well he must like you to some decent enough extent?

 

I am interested in him, but his behavior doesn't lack much interest.

 

I was dancing with him, smiling at him and flirting.

 

What makes you think I was not interested in him.

 

As a guy who does wish (ok not as serious as that may read lol) that girls were a little more open/forward, I suggest you try. Or just ask yourself this: do you want to go on a first date with him?

Yes? - then screw it and take the risk.

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"I owe a big apology for last night and I had a nice time the dancing was a lot of fun. I promise I will behave next time. lol"

 

Say "No apology necessary - it was nice dancing with you. But you have to ask me out if there is going to be actually be a next time".
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i like DN's version better, it sort of 'challenges' him in a cute way. i met a guy at a club a year ago. we were chatting and he was like, 'i would like to hang out with you again.' i said, 'well boy, you better take down my number then!' so he pulled out his phone, lol.

 

i agree that declining his fb request will lead him to think you aren't interested at all, i don't think it would necessarily make him 'work harder.'

 

my final thought is a word of caution. sometimes guys like to flirt and stuff, but don't ask for your number because they are in a relationship.

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i like DN's version better, it sort of 'challenges' him in a cute way. i met a guy at a club a year ago. we were chatting and he was like, 'i would like to hang out with you again.' i said, 'well boy, you better take down my number then!' so he pulled out his phone, lol.

 

i agree that declining his fb request will lead him to think you aren't interested at all, i don't think it would necessarily make him 'work harder.'

 

my final thought is a word of caution. sometimes guys like to flirt and stuff, but don't ask for your number because they are in a relationship.

 

Good post. I also like DN's version better. To be honest, I think the ball is in your court now. He danced with you, tried to kiss you, bothered to look you up on Facebook, send you a message, apologize... I can't speak for everyone else here, but I'm not in the habit of doing these types of things if I don't give a flyin rat's @$$ about someone. Message him back using DN's suggestion. If he doesn't step up, oh well, on to the next. But something tells me he will.

 

Good luck!

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Thanks for your replies....I have come to the conclusion that I have too high expectations and I have to stop that. I spoke to a friend of mine and she thought that the message was nice and he made an effort to find me on FB. I had a heart to heart talk with her and she made me see the light.

 

I did write him, but not telling him to ask me out on a date and he responded with a response saying that he left his credit card in the club we were at. lol....

 

I will just take it day by day.....

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knotty, To me I assume that if you want to get to know a woman better and hope to see her again, you could ask for her number. To me yes, that is a sign if a guy is really interested in a guy and also how fast a guy calls her. Oh I forgot to ad, trying to kiss you as well.

Some guys talk on the phone more and go out to eat more than other guys, so it's just natural for them to ask for a number and ask a girl out because it just fits into their normal routine. Other guys don't go out as much, so getting a number and asking a girl out seems like a much bigger deal. So try to judge a guy by who he is. This guy seems like he has friends and goes out, so you shouldn't have to pursue him more like you would do with a shyer guy unless you are super hot and he is intimidated by you.

 

Good post. I also like DN's version better. To be honest, I think the ball is in your court now. He danced with you, tried to kiss you, bothered to look you up on Facebook, send you a message, apologize... I can't speak for everyone else here, but I'm not in the habit of doing these types of things if I don't give a flyin rat's @$$ about someone. Message him back using DN's suggestion. If he doesn't step up, oh well, on to the next. But something tells me he will.

 

Good luck!

I agree, he did a lot of things to show interest in you, but you still want him to work harder. You at least have to give a hint that you are interested in being pursued or most guys will give up. Hopefully, with a little hint that you are interested you can get him to ask for your number.

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I heard from him again. On Monday I wrote back and said that I had a great time on Saturday as well.

 

He writes back last night and invited me to a bbq tomorrow with some friends and left me his number......

 

I am not able to go because I am at the internship site, but when I write back I will thank him and decline the invitation because of my internship and leave my number.

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I heard from him again. On Monday I wrote back and said that I had a great time on Saturday as well.

 

He writes back last night and invited me to a bbq tomorrow with some friends and left me his number......

 

I am not able to go because I am at the internship site, but when I write back I will thank him and decline the invitation because of my internship and leave my number.

Dopn't write back. Call him, thank him for the invitation, tell him why you can't make it and suggest an alternative date.
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I agree with "suggest an alternative date". I've heard from women that if the guy asked her out, but she is busy that day, then she will suggest another time if she is interested. This is usually the advice given if a guy asks a friend, "What if I ask her out on Xday and she is busy that day?" So it would be nice for you to say, "I can't make the BBQ, but maybe we could do something next weekend" (or whenever). Then you could leave it up to him to call during the week and suggest something.

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