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I WANT HIM BACK!!!!Any tips? LONG THREAD


melissag87

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Well here's the situation:

I dated my b/f for 2.5 years and about 3 weeks ago he broke up with me out of nowhere. I was in complete shock because he broke up with me on a Monday and we had just had a wonderful weekend together.

 

He told me that he could no longer be in a serious relationship anymore because he was "too young" (he's 24). And that if he ended up staying in a relationship with me that he could see us getting engaged in about 3 years and that he didn't even want to think about marriage until he was 30. He also said that he doesn't "deserve me" because I was pulling alot of the weight in teh relationship and he felt like he didn't want to try anymore.

 

The reason that I am so confused is because I never really felt that way, we were usually always really happy to be together. I mean, we did argue...but what couple doesn't? Anyway, I tried NC for about 1 week...and then I did something stupid and I called him to return his stuff. When I got to his house he started crying, and I was so confused because he was the one who dumped me, why should he be the one crying? We ended up getting really emotional but he told me that he still felt he made the right choice.

 

Then about 1 week later, I wanted to try and get him back. So I went to his house for a "talk", I dressed up really nice to hope he would notice. When I got there we spoke and I knew there was no chance....But we ended up having sex with eachother. It was great! because i thought that then he may want me back...but that's not exactly what happened. I left his house dissapointed once again.

 

I didn't receive a call from him the next day, but for the next 3 days after that he would call me on his lunch break to see how I was doing. This made everything very confusing for me. He used to call me on his lunch break when we were together, so I didn't know where we stood. I confronted him about it, and he said that he wanted to "salvage our friendship" and a long story short we got into a huge argument and he told me that he was "talking" to some barista girl from starbucks that we both know. But he hasn't hung out with yet. I was sooooooooo hurt, I felt so naive. I ended up saying some very hurtful things and he said that i was "heartless" and that he never wanted to speak to me again. I called him back and I left a voicemail saying that I was sorry and to please call me back. He never called.

 

I'm so confused because despite how much he's hurt me and how quickly I was replaced, I still love him unconditionally. The sad thing is that he seems to be going nowhere in life. He is thousands of dollar in debt, he has less college credits than my 19 yr old sis, he still lives at home, and he was a bank for about $10 an house. I felt like i was a good influence on him, i was always pushing him to do better. Plus, he wa some commitment issues, all of our friends around us were getting married and maybe he was starting to feel the pressure...I am about to finish college, maybe he thought i was expecting something.

 

The point is, that I want him back. I never knew how miserable i could be without him. I find no joy out of things that i used to love. and i can't stop thinking about him and his little starbucks tramp together and its driving me insane. Any suggestions on how to win him back.

 

* Also, before we broke up I had bought him tix to see John Legend as a surprise. Now the concert is in a month and I still want to go with him. After we broke up i told him about the tix ( to try and make him feel like * * * * ) I told him that I would just mail him the tix and he could take whoever he wants (since they were a gift) and he said that he would still love to go with me. But now after we got into such a huge fight , i don't know if he'll even speak to me. I haven't mailed them to him yet, part of me want to go with him and the other part doesn't want to go at all. We used to listen to John Legend all the time when we first started dating and it brings back such good memorie of us together

 

PLEASE HELP, I'M SO CONFUSED AND MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS AREN'T HELPING SINCE THEY DON'T WANT ME TO GET BACK TOGETHER WITH HIM

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I think if you see a future with this guy, you have to let him go. Continuing being the one who wants him all the time will make him resent you, and his reluctance will make you resent him. If there is a time in future when he wants to settle down, then what will be will be, but in the meantime i say get out. It will improve your chances at some point in the future if you take this opportunity to work on yourself. it wont be easy, but nothing worthwhile is

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I think if you see a future with this guy, you have to let him go. Continuing being the one who wants him all the time will make him resent you, and his reluctance will make you resent him. If there is a time in future when he wants to settle down, then what will be will be, but in the meantime i say get out. It will improve your chances at some point in the future if you take this opportunity to work on yourself. it wont be easy, but nothing worthwhile is

 

I agree here. When i split up with my ex-wife, then decided I wanted her back, I tried so hard that she lost all respect and totally resented me. Your best bet is to stay away for awhile. I know it seems impossible, its not.

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