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How can my mum hate me so much?


DontMindMe
Feeling like a failure, mum? This i...
Feeling like a failure, mum? This is what you need to hear

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my mum and i have never got along well she says i'm too much like my dad which she cant handle. she's always spiteful of me and never speeks in a nice tone, i really wounder what i do that's so wrong that she hates me so much.

 

she's recently had two more children as she said we were failed and she wanted to try again, one is three and one is two, i've grown to love them but i never wanted any more siblings it was compleatly selfish on my mothers part, she made me give up all my childhood toys and even new soft toys to them to play with and destroy. because of the children my Mum is always stressed she makes a mountin out of a mole hill and is permently shouting ( i know you think i'm being over dramatic but really it's true i swear she doesn't know how to talk anymore)

 

when she's not shouting she's swearing calling be a * * * * * and telling me to get my * * * * ing act together when i'm a A* student learning how to drive with a job offer already, and she is a failed doctor who is now working one day a week as a carer after 3 years of unemployment she's going back to University leaving me and my older brother to look after the kids with a nanny who she has imported to look after us while my dad has work to do.

 

 

ontop of all this she has decided that we need to move and i'm just not having it there is no benefit of moving we have a nice house in a nice town were both my parents can get to work from. my mum's excuse for moving is that she wants HER dream home. i said i didn't want to move she said i was being a selfish * * * * * with no consideration for her feelings.

 

She openly says i'm a mistake and the only one out of the four of us (children) who doesn't fit in and that i keep too many things bottled up, i look like a tramp, i'm dislectsic (which i'm not i'm just not good at spelling)

 

just there are so many things that she can pick at, and her advice to me about sex is "sex is dissapointing, but i'll just stick you on the pill" i'm 14!!!!! does she know how to be a mother.

 

she's so violent some times and knows i'm having a hard time bacause the doctor told her that my depression was making me sick. i just cant see how she can hate me so much and it is hate it's like whenever she sees me she wants to fault me on something. i've sacrificed so much for what she wants i've given up going out or inviting anyone over because i'm to ashamed to invite anyone to my mum, most of my friends actually admit that they are scared of her.

 

 

how can i deal with this, have you had any experience with a parent like this?

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Dear You,

 

Let me start off by saying; you are a fantastic being. I have so much to tell you and so many books than may guide you to. My best friend went through some of the same experiences in her youth. I would be more that happy to put you guys in contact. She even reminds me of you.

 

In the mean time; check out this book on link removed: The Gaslight Effect. I am sure you would recognize yourself in that.

 

Stay strong - and know you are wanted. You're here for a reason!

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I'm so sorry you have to put up with that! Like Agent said, remember that this is your mom's problem. You aren't doing anything wrong. I'd get out of there as soon as I could though.

Are you close to your dad and brother? Do you have friends to turn to at school or anything? If your mom's having such a negative impact, it's obviously best to spend as little time as you have to with her.

You sound like a great person to me. Please don't take what she says to heart. She sounds very troubled herself, and probably isn't very good at dealing with it, thus she takes it out on you. If anyone in this situation needs help it's probably her.

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I'm so sorry you have to put up with that! Like Agent said, remember that this is your mom's problem. You aren't doing anything wrong. I'd get out of there as soon as I could though.

Are you close to your dad and brother? Do you have friends to turn to at school or anything? If your mom's having such a negative impact, it's obviously best to spend as little time as you have to with her.

You sound like a great person to me. Please don't take what she says to heart. She sounds very troubled herself, and probably isn't very good at dealing with it, thus she takes it out on you. If anyone in this situation needs help it's probably her.

 

i'm close with my dad and sometimes i even * * * * * about my mum to him and most of the time he agrees. there is no way i could turn to my brother though he thinks he can walk allover me and is bossy and resembles my mum in so many ways he's only recently stopped hitting me out of anger so i tend to stay away from him too. My Mum had a pretty bad childhood her Dad was an alcoholic who left her mum married and divorced three times and my mum was born and lived in Africa and got racially abused when she moved to england, so i sympathise with her and i know that she had a bad time but that all ended years ago.

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Dear You,

 

Let me start off by saying; you are a fantastic being. I have so much to tell you and so many books than may guide you to. My best friend went through some of the same experiences in her youth. I would be more that happy to put you guys in contact. She even reminds me of you.

 

In the mean time; check out this book on link removed: The Gaslight Effect. I am sure you would recognize yourself in that.

 

Stay strong - and know you are wanted. You're here for a reason!

 

thanks i'll look into it, in a way it's nice to know that someone else has experienced this before and got through it although it would be nicer if the issue didn't exist, i have friends to turn to but they just don't get it their mums are great but my friends moan about pocket money and small things then conversation stops when i tell them my mum kicked me out the house the other day.

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Your mother sounds abusive towards you....It is very common for an abuser to pick on one child...Im sorry you are going through this...I was a foster parent for years and have met many kids who were great and the problems they were having were the fault of their parents.. Maybe you could talk with a school counselor and they could help you find some help.. Maybe set you up with the big sisters association or even as a last resort maybe you should consider foster care to temporarily get away from this situation..They will set up family counseling and teach your mother new ways of interacting with you and your siblings....Many of the girls and boys I had living with me years later still keep in touch

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she's recently had two more children as she said we were failed and she wanted to try again' date=' one is three and one is two, i've grown to love them but i never wanted any more siblings it was compleatly selfish on my mothers part, she made me give up all my childhood toys and even new soft toys to them to play with and destroy.[/quote']

 

It was extremely mean and wrong of your mom to tell you that you were failed. That's just plain vile.

 

On the other hand, her having more children is HER choice and you really have no say in the matter. You saying that it was selfish to have children because you didn't want any more siblings is a very selfish statement for you to make. And regarding the toys. I am sure you didn't buy those toys, your parents did. Letting the new children play with them and even destroy them is not your choice. You are old enough to where you don't need to play with toys and if your mom decides to let the little ones play with them, DEAL WITH IT.

 

because of the children my Mum is always stressed she makes a mountin out of a mole hill and is permently shouting ( i know you think i'm being over dramatic but really it's true i swear she doesn't know how to talk anymore)

 

Yes, having children IS stressful and it IS a lot of work. Your mom could learn better ways to control her stress but feeling it is not wrong at all. It's normal.

 

when she's not shouting she's swearing calling be a * * * * * and telling me to get my * * * * ing act together when i'm a A* student learning how to drive with a job offer already' date=' and she is a failed doctor who is now working one day a week as a carer after 3 years of unemployment she's going back to University leaving me and my older brother to look after the kids with a nanny who she has imported to look after us while my dad has work to do. [/quote']

 

Her swearing at you and telling you to get your act together is not a good way for her to handle things. She needs to learn how to communicate better.

 

On the other hand, her going back to the University is none of your business and her education goal is a GOOD thing. She's not abandoning you all either as she is employing the help of a nanny. Sounds to me like she is covering her bases appropriately. You are in the wrong to complain about that.

 

ontop of all this she has decided that we need to move and i'm just not having it there is no benefit of moving we have a nice house in a nice town were both my parents can get to work from. my mum's excuse for moving is that she wants HER dream home. i said i didn't want to move she said i was being a selfish * * * * * with no consideration for her feelings.

 

Are you paying the bills? No. If she and your dad decide to move then that is something YOU have to deal with. You are under THEIR roof. They are the parents and they set the rules. If she wants to move it is her decision, not yours. You have the right to express that you are happy where you are at but to complain about her decision and to call her selfish is not your place (on this subject).

 

She openly says i'm a mistake and the only one out of the four of us (children) who doesn't fit in and that i keep too many things bottled up' date=' i look like a tramp, i'm dislectsic (which i'm not i'm just not good at spelling) [/quote']

 

That is verbal abuse and your mother is very wrong to say these things to you. That's bad parenting.

 

just there are so many things that she can pick at' date=' and her advice to me about sex is "sex is dissapointing, but i'll just stick you on the pill" i'm 14!!!!! does she know how to be a mother. [/quote']

 

It sounds like she isn't very good at all at being a mom. She does make many mistakes and is actually hurting the growth of her children by being verbally abusive rather than encouraging.

 

she's so violent some times and knows i'm having a hard time bacause the doctor told her that my depression was making me sick. i just cant see how she can hate me so much and it is hate it's like whenever she sees me she wants to fault me on something. i've sacrificed so much for what she wants i've given up going out or inviting anyone over because i'm to ashamed to invite anyone to my mum, most of my friends actually admit that they are scared of her.

 

 

how can i deal with this, have you had any experience with a parent like this?

 

I think you should tell the doctor about her behavior towards you. Perhaps you could talk to your dad or even try to sit her down and express what you would like to see from her.

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thanks for your reply you have alot of good thoughts on this. i understand that Uni would be a benefit for her and she seems really exited to go so in a way i'm happy for her but i also don't want her to go as i think the children will see little of her and My dad, and will grow up knowing the nanny more, i guess i think this is a big issue because for most of my childhood i was away from my house and away from my parents at a child minders i would be droped off early and picked up late after school i spent my Birthdays at the minders and barely saw my parents atall until late at night when they were stressed after work. i know this isn't their fault, people have to work so i guess i am being selfish about it.

 

About the moving i can't help how i feel, i hate moving it's just how i am. My mum spent her whole life moving and hasn't really got a childhood home apart from the one that burnt down in zimbabwe. I've moved 5 times so far to her so called "dream home" and then she gets tired of the house and wants to move again. I don't think i'm being selfish here i think i am entitled to have an opinion when i voiced it, my whole family turned against me and my brother started shouting calling me selfish aswell, so no matter what i say my opinion is not valued. This is the only house that i can really call home it's the longest i have ever stayed in a house i managed to keep friends for longer than a year and i have nice memouries in this house, i understand i don't pay the bills but i still have a say, although my Mum did say that if i didn't want to move with them then she'll just kick me out the house and make me stay with my Gran, i am considering it as a possibility. My Dad doesn't want to move it's all my Mums idea, we just have to go along with it.

 

i think my Mum is a good parent when it comes down to it but she goes wrong sometimes or reacts badly to little things. I also think that it wasn't my doctors place to tell my mum i need counciling i wanted to discuss blood results with the doctor so i thought it would be ok if my mum went with me and then the doctor started talking about everything i told her in private so i wasn't pleased about this. i go to school counciling and my mum didn't know about it until the doctor told her so know she is accusing me of lying to her and keeping secrets when to be honest i just want her to support me on this.

 

i talk to my friends alot and they all say that none of their parents swear or call them stuff like that which i thought was normal for a parent to say, but i guess it's just how different people show anger. I can take verbal abuse i have to just deal with it, i get verbal abuse at home, and school it's just peoples way of trying to get to me.

 

There was this guy that was harrasing me, it could even be counted as sexual harassment i told my mum this and she simply said it was my fault for 'leading him on!' i only went out with him for two days and then called it off then he continued to harass me for 5 months ( and is still being a about it) of course it's all my fault though.

 

yes i know having kids is stressful but i see parents with 8 kids who are more tranquel than my mum there is stress and then there is over reacting.

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Your mother sounds abusive towards you....It is very common for an abuser to pick on one child...Im sorry you are going through this...I was a foster parent for years and have met many kids who were great and the problems they were having were the fault of their parents.. Maybe you could talk with a school counselor and they could help you find some help.. Maybe set you up with the big sisters association or even as a last resort maybe you should consider foster care to temporarily get away from this situation..They will set up family counseling and teach your mother new ways of interacting with you and your siblings....Many of the girls and boys I had living with me years later still keep in touch

 

my friends mum is a foster parent, although i wouldn't consider it because of how it would make my mum feel and the guilt i would have of openly showing that she is a bad parent. My Mum just needs to see the error of her ways but still i think it is just her personality she's able to take care of me and isn't causing me physical hurt so i don't think the problem is to the extent of foster care. what's the big sisters association? i have never heard of it.

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my friends mum is a foster parent' date=' although i wouldn't consider it because of how it would make my mum feel and the guilt i would have of openly showing that she is a bad parent. My Mum just needs to see the error of her ways but still i think it is just her personality she's able to take care of me and isn't causing me physical hurt so i don't think the problem is to the extent of foster care. what's the big sisters association? i have never heard of it.[/quote']

 

The Big Sister Association (and Big Brother Asociation) is where men and women spend time with younger people of the same sex, (men with boys and women with girls) and do fun things together... Kind of like a mentor, give them someone to talk with, go to movies, play sports, shop and give them advice when needed...Look on the internet or talk with your school counselor and see if there is one or something similar in your area...

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The Big Sister Association (and Big Brother Asociation) is where men and women spend time with younger people of the same sex, (men with boys and women with girls) and do fun things together... Kind of like a mentor, give them someone to talk with, go to movies, play sports, shop and give them advice when needed...Look on the internet or talk with your school counselor and see if there is one or something similar in your area...

 

Oh ok, i'll look into it, thanks

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My mum was a lot similar to your mum, only she hated ALL her children. She'd always set one of us to be her fave, and the rest of us were nothing more than dirt on her shoes. Until she wanted something of one of us and it'd switch.

 

The best thing your mother is teaching you, it how NOT to be. When you have children of your own, you'll remember how your mother treated you, and you'll know how not to treat your children.

 

She's teaching you the best lesson of all, how not to be a complete and utter selfish person.

 

Does your dad not help you at all?

 

Keep working hard and then when you can get yourself out of that house when your old enough. Use her as your drive.

 

I eventually left, and I now have no contact with my mother. Be strong!

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My mum was a lot similar to your mum, only she hated ALL her children. She'd always set one of us to be her fave, and the rest of us were nothing more than dirt on her shoes. Until she wanted something of one of us and it'd switch.

 

The best thing your mother is teaching you, it how NOT to be. When you have children of your own, you'll remember how your mother treated you, and you'll know how not to treat your children.

 

She's teaching you the best lesson of all, how not to be a complete and utter selfish person.

 

Does your dad not help you at all?

 

Keep working hard and then when you can get yourself out of that house when your old enough. Use her as your drive.

 

I eventually left, and I now have no contact with my mother. Be strong!

 

i'm sorry to hear that you don't want to have contact with your mother, i wouldn't go that far i think contact even a little bit is better than none. when i move things will change anyway i think my mum will be less stressed and may come round a bit. My dad normally sticks to my mum's point of view even when he shares mine, he doesn't wear the trousers in the relationship.

 

something i find weird that my mum said to me that she would never want to be on my bad side as i scare her. this is suprising to me, as i have the same thoughts about my mum i never thought as myself as scary but apparently i am, i hope i'm not turning into her, seems horrible though that my own family (and this was a family input this time) thing that i'm blunt and scary when annoyed

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