What’s your herpes status? (Anonymous poll)

[pinkelephant]

I was given both oral and genital herpes from an unknown sex partner. I found that when I met new people, if I told them that I had this condition before we got intimate that they would run away.

 

So now I don't tell them but if I have an outbreak I will make an excuse such as I don't feel well during that time period.

 

I feel a bit bad about deceiving people but I have needs too!

 

Wow, that's horrible. I would never ever knowingly put someone else at risk like that. Thanks for posting though. I will request my future partner(s) proof of a recent sti test before I get anywhere near their bits. hah. (I hope there's such a thing??)

[Capricorn3]

I will request my future partner(s) proof of a recent sti test before I get anywhere near their bits. hah.

You're very wise. I would do the same thing (if I was single).

[pinkelephant]

Thats not really fair to those who suffer from an STD that they got unknowingly from someone else. It's like your discriminating against Herpes patients.

 

What makes you think I would discriminate?

I would like to know what I'm dealing with. What you're doing is unethical.

 

If my partner were a STI patient, I would want to know so I can then decide whether I want to put myself at risk or not. However, it is my within my RIGHTS to know if I am at risk or not.

 

I'm pretty sure that knowingly putting others at risk for your STI's is illegal.

[pinkelephant]

You're very wise. I would do the same thing (if I was single).

 

Can you ( or anyone here) confirm if I can request a proof of this STI test? I've gone for testing before, but they said they'll only contact me if there were something wrong.

 

And yea, it's from having a * * * * * for an ex bf. It makes you a little wiser. hah.

[diabolik]

I WAS aware that cold sores were caused by viruses, but I didn't know that cold sores could be spread to a partner's genitals. I read the other thread that Diabolik started, and that made me do some research about herpes.

I’m very glad that some people are getting something out of these threads, other than the impression that I’m a jerk.

 

After reading, oral herpes (the cold sore kind) seems to be (to me, at least) not so much a "sexually transmitted disease", as it is a virus that can possibly be transmitted during sexual contact. I'd venture to say that there are a great deal of viruses that can be spread through sexual contact--any that can be passed through intimate contact with another person's fluids. If I am now to consider myself "diseased", I am so because I was kissed by my mother. Thus the ascription of the title "sexually transmitted disease" to H-1 is more social than it is "scientific" or "absolute". As another poster suggested previously, are we to label the flu or common cold as an STD because it can be transmitted whilst having sex (oral or genital) with someone who is (or is about to be) sick?

I knew my labeling oral herpes an STD was controversial, but I did it both to get people thinking about transmission risks from kissing and oral sex and to take a swing at the wall of stigma that separates oral herpes from genital herpes.

 

Look, anyone can call oral herpes ‘cold sores’ if they prefer and they can refuse to label it an STD. And if they can get their head around the semantic gymnastics required to reconcile the somewhat absurd result that transmission of the virus from one’s genitals to another’s mouth via a sex act magically strips the virus of the STD label, then good for them. What is important is not what it’s called, it’s that people become aware of the risks.

 

And if everyone knew exactly what those cold sores are, and how very closely related cold sores are to genital herpes, then maybe those with genital herpes wouldn’t feel like lepers. Imagine if the two-thirds of the population with oral HSV-1 would treat those with genital herpes the same way they treat everyone else with oral HSV-1. And if two-thirds of the population did that, I think that would also sway the one-third that doesn’t have oral HSV-1 (as a side note, a decent chunk of these probably have genital herpes anyway).

 

In fact, the instances of infection of the genitals by H-1 that are now on the rise seem to be the result of not being exposed to the virus orally, at a young age. So, in a way, I'm thankful that I was exposed to the virus orally--because, according to the studies that you cited in the other thread, it makes me immune to becoming infected with H-1 in the genitals (especially since the instances of infection--even among young people--is around 45%).

Yes, researchers suspect the lower incidence of childhood oral HSV-1 is partly responsible for the rise in genital HSV-1, and so I agree with you that having oral HSV-1 provides a benefit, so long as those with oral HSV-1 take precautions not to infect those who do not have this immunity.

 

In fact, someone in the earlier thread has oral HSV-1 and her husband does as well. Seems like a pretty good position to be in, and no worries about transmission risks, so no condoms, no dental dams, no antivirals, just a lot of shagging.

 

I have no problem with raising awareness about herpes--in fact, I'm thankful for these threads. But the manner in which you address posters that express an opinion contrary to yours, diabolik, is often overly aggressive and quite demeaning.

When I see misinformation being spread while I am in possession of better information, I’m going to say something. Could I be more gentle about it? Probably, but that’s a secondary issue. As for being demeaning, while it’s not my intention, I grew up with and spend time with some pretty thick-skinned folks, so I probably do need to work on treading a bit more lightly on ENA, where there are more thin skins than I'm used to. Thank you for pointing that out. I’ll work on it, I promise.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

I know it's not all that responsible but someone gave it to me and that wasn't my fault and I can't get any one to be with me if I tell them the truth.

 

People should be more relaxed about it and not panic when they hear the word Herpes. It's not like it's going to be a death sentence!

 

Don't you wish the person who gave it to you would have told you??

Genital herpes won't kill you but it's extremely fricken painful and an inconvenience for life in most cases.. I feel so bad for people who suffer from outbreaks.

 

I would just assume you would have an understanding since it happened to you. Not everyone is going to turn you down when they find out.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

I like the way this thread has opened up some eyes to facts about this issue.

No one should be judged, it can happen to anyone but there are more risks than people know and more information that people should be sharing and learning.

 

There should be a sticky on this site regarding std facts. They aren't the end of the world (sans HIV of course) but people are getting sort of lax in my opinion.

"EH, whatever, it's not so bad." ??? Really?

 

Cause they can cause cancer and a ton of grief... not so fun. Sex is a risk/reward thing, and stuff is going to happen but knowledge is power. Cheesy as it is.

[EQD]

I was given both oral and genital herpes from an unknown sex partner. I found that when I met new people, if I told them that I had this condition before we got intimate that they would run away.

 

So now I don't tell them but if I have an outbreak I will make an excuse such as I don't feel well during that time period.

 

I feel a bit bad about deceiving people but I have needs too!

 

you DO know that you can still infect people with herpes even when the sores arent present.

you may well be infecting all of your partners. shame on you.

[EQD]

I know it's not all that responsible but someone gave it to me and that wasn't my fault and I can't get any one to be with me if I tell them the truth.

 

People should be more relaxed about it and not panic when they hear the word Herpes. It's not like it's going to be a death sentence!

 

wouldnt you have liked to have been told your partner had herpes before you slept with him??

Your logic makes no sense because you are now essentially behaving like that person who gave it to you in the first place.

way to continue the cycle!

[diabolik]

While I don’t agree with donders’ approach, the irony is that those who are aware of their positive herpes status and use precautions (avoiding intimacy during prodrome, outbreaks, and using condoms and antivirals) are much less likely to transmit HSV than the average person who is not aware they have it.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

...if he does those things. I hope so, but I am not getting that sense. It's kind of a "I need sex, I'll quietly hope you don't catch it" situation.

[EQD]

...if he does those things. I hope so, but I am not getting that sense. It's kind of a "I need sex, I'll quietly hope you don't catch it" situation.

 

exactly.

its of course not the specific rate of transmission, but the admittance that they are aware, and choose to withhold that information for their own personal and selfish gains. with blatant disregard for the other persons health.

there is no innocence or redeeming quality to that.

[Applewhite]

Yes I know there's still a risk of having sex when there's no outbreak but I'm willing to accept that risk.

 

It WILL be curable some day just like everything else is.

 

That risk is not yours to accept?!

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

He's not the only one. I bet a huge chunk of people with stds choose to stay mum on the topic. They want sex. They don't care about the well-being of others or they are scared to admit. I don't envy their situation, but at the same time it sucks for those in his path.

 

But here is the bottom line: this should motivate people to advocate for their own sexual health.

Your partner might not/probably won't tell you! Demand a test, demand condoms.

You can't blame him, you have to take care of yourself.

 

Sad but true.

[diabolik]

Yes, researchers suspect the lower incidence of childhood oral HSV-1 is partly responsible for the rise in genital HSV-1, and so I agree with you that having oral HSV-1 provides a benefit, so long as those with oral HSV-1 take precautions not to infect those who do not have this immunity.

 

In fact, someone in the earlier thread has oral HSV-1 and her husband does as well. Seems like a pretty good position to be in, and no worries about transmission risks, so no condoms, no dental dams, no antivirals, just a lot of shagging.

I did a little more digging on this issue, and wanted to clarify - experts think that preexisting oral HSV-1 confers strong immunity to new genital HSV-1 infections. It may not be 100%, as some people claim that this has happened to them - though in some of these cases, the oral HSV-1 infection wasn't old enough to allow for sufficient antibody build-up. Anyway, I think it's safe to say strong immunity, but not 100%.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

I wonder if some people think genital herpes outbreaks are the same experience as a cold sore. Like one sore that is ugly to look at or something. Just a thought?

[diabolik]

I joined this site just to respond to this!

 

What you are doing is so wrong!

 

Shame on you!

I would guess that donders' view is fairly common amongst those who know they have GHSV. There are certainly many who would disclose before intimacy, but I'm sure many others feel they shouldn't have to live their lives differently just because they know, when they might easily have been one of the 80-90% with GHSV who don't know they have it.

 

I'm not saying it's right, but I can understand that point of view.

[greywolf]

I answered that I don't know if I have herpes because I've never taken a test before. What I want to know is, if I have herpes, that would mean I'm asymptomatic, correct? Does that mean I'm safe from ever 'catching' it from someone? Or is it possible for someone to trigger what I have?

[pinkelephant]

Thank you for understanding.

 

I'm a victim just like everyone else that gets infected by a carrier of the Herpes virus.

 

you're not a victim. please.

[diabolik]

I answered that I don't know if I have herpes because I've never taken a test before. What I want to know is, if I have herpes, that would mean I'm asymptomatic, correct?

Maybe, maybe not. With GHSV, most people who believe they are asymptomatic are able to identify the less obvious symptoms once they are educated on what to look for. Of course even symptomatic people can go for long periods of time without outbreaks.

 

Does that mean I'm safe from ever 'catching' it from someone?

First of all, you don't even know if you have anything. Second, if you had one strain of the virus, you are not immune to being infected by the other strain.

 

Or is it possible for someone to trigger what I have?

I don't really know anything about this, but I've seen anecdotes (even in the other thread) where people claim that exposure to the virus they are already infected with seems to reactivate their virus. Again, I haven't read any studies or articles by experts about this. Anyone know about this?

[pinkelephant]

dialoik, what do you look for exactly?

[diabolik]

dialoik, what do you look for exactly?

Westover Heights has an excellent link removed. There are lots of other online resources on identifying oral or genital herpes symptoms.

 

While symptoms, especially genitally, can be mistaken for yeast infections, rashes, ingrown hairs, razor burns, etc., it's also possible for this to go the other way, and sometimes people freak out over little things thinking it's herpes. The best remedy for this is education and becoming familiar with one's body.

[greywolf]

We know that up to 70% of new cases of herpes are transmitted from someone showing no apparent symptoms at the time they infect their partner.

 

^holy crap! that's a quote from the site that you posted a link to. Well, that sucks...

[Capricorn3]

Don't get tested because you're better off not knowing. That way you're not lying to your sex partner when they ask you if you have an STD.

You've got to be kidding, right? I can't believe you can be so irresponsible.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Thank you for understanding.

 

I'm a victim just like everyone else that gets infected by a carrier of the Herpes virus.

 

You're the equivalent of a kidnap victim who has now gone on to kidnap others.

You were a victim, now you're a predator.