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Guys: Pls decode this 'mystery'


MinziGirl

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Speaking now of something which happened long ago & just came into my memory.

 

I once had a friend & i have lost that friendship many years ago because i have left a toothbrush & my shampoo in his toilet. We weren't in a relationship but since i was at his place very often, i figured that it would be more convienent to leave some of my 'essential' stuff there. Of course i did ask for his permission before i do that & he said it was ok.

 

Then the next day, i recieved a very cold shoudler & an email with just 3 sentences on it. It simply meant that he doesn't want to see me anymore & that includes even contacting him because he wants absolutely no more contact with me.

 

What is the big deal about a girl leaving toothbrushes or her stuff in your home? If she is a friend, it is ok, isn't it? ;-) Or is there a hidden 'man's' thing about such things?

 

Then what is the meaning if a boyfriend of a girl starts leaving his stuff at her home or starts feeling comfortable leaving his stuff at hers? Does it mean that he is now very serious of her? If so, how serious?

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I think I understand what happened. He was sexually attracted to you, you weren't attracted to him. The friendship was already hard on him, but he accepted that he had no chance with you. You leaving the tooth brush and stuff probably made his imagination run like crazy, thinking about you moving in as a girlfriend. If that happened to me, I probably wouldn't be able to take it. I'd feel like I would have all the responsibilities of a relationship without any of its benefits, like intimacy.

 

That's my take, and you should know that guys think similarly.

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I think I understand what happened. He was sexually attracted to you, you weren't attracted to him. The friendship was already hard on him, but he accepted that he had no chance with you. You leaving the tooth brush and stuff probably made his imagination run like crazy, thinking about you moving in as a girlfriend. If that happened to me, I probably wouldn't be able to take it. I'd feel like I would have all the responsibilities of a relationship without any of its benefits, like intimacy.

 

That's my take, and you should know that guys think similarly.

 

Hi Iakasot,

 

I was attracted to him.

 

Also, pls explain why you cannot take it. Do you feel like it is a kind of intrusion?

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Hi Iakasot,

 

I was attracted to him.

 

Also, pls explain why you cannot take it. Do you feel like it is a kind of intrusion?

It's deleterious to my self esteem if a girl I'm not having sex with leaves stuff like that over, yes. I feel like it is disrespectful to me and my sexuality.

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It's deleterious to my self esteem if a girl I'm not having sex with leaves stuff like that over, yes. I feel like it is disrespectful to me and my sexuality.

 

At least i thought that we were very close to becoming a couple. That was why i did that. ;-) I wanted to take it slow but all the signs were pointing to the fact that he was the one who just wanted to lay with me ;-9

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At least i thought that we were very close to becoming a couple. That was why i did that. ;-) I wanted to take it slow but all the signs were pointing to the fact that he was the one who just wanted to lay with me ;-9

 

If he cut you out of his life like a cancer when you did that, he obviously cared about more than just getting laid. He wanted acceptance of his sexuality, and not a girl who automatically interprets his sexual desire as "you only want that". It's a fact of biology that men want sex more than women, but that's not all they want. We just don't want a relationship without sex, that wrecks our self esteem.

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If he cut you out of his life like a cancer when you did that, he obviously cared about more than just getting laid. He wanted acceptance of his sexuality, and not a girl who automatically interprets his sexual desire as "you only want that". It's a fact of biology that men want sex more than women, but that's not all they want. We just don't want a relationship without sex, that wrecks our self esteem.

 

One of the 3 sentences in that mail was: I like you still but i don't want any more contact with you.

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One of the 3 sentences in that mail was: I like you still but i don't want any more contact with you.

You don't get what that meant? He liked you, felt like he had no chance, and wanted to move on. He wanted to be alone so that he could stop liking you, because obviously he didn't like the fact that he liked you, and didn't want you leaving reminders of that at his place.

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You guys might be right but I think there is something missing from this puzzle. Perhaps something else was said or understood. A pretty drastic move just because someone leaves a toothbrush at their home.

So, OP, either there is something your not telling us or there is something you don't know.

 

Try asking me questions then to find out. Could be something which i don't know.

 

Anyway, this thing happened a long time ago & now that i remember it, it is still a mystery to me...

 

To me, it is a very drastic move for just leaving a toothbrush at his home. His explaination to me was that i invaded into his (Alpha) Male's territory. I wonder what that means.

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Hahahaha... i like your conclusion of the 5th theory...

 

Ok... he was single after that for a long time... at least that was what his profile said So i don#t think there was another girl involved... Anyway, when i recieved that email with 3 sentences, i was more disgusted than sad.

 

About commitment, can be that he chickened out at the last min... because the first sex was the last sex & after that round of sex, he mumbled about playing a 'cruel' game on me... sigh~

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Why go thru then all the trouble to be such a prince to a girl & then throw her away like this?

 

I suspect he was burning the candle at both ends. But to say it's OK to leave personal items and then call everything off is not only weird, but most likely a blessing in disguise.

 

And it's perfectly fine to leave some personal items, especially if it's going to be or is serious.

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I'm kind of confused. So you were having sex with him?

 

I'm guessing he freaked out because you left your stuff there. Some guys truly read into these things and "leaving a toothbrush" is like a universal sign for girlfriend. Maybe that's not what he wanted and he saw you getting too close so he pushed you out.

 

I would never leave my stuff at a guy's place until he asked me to. But that's me. Before we were even officially dating, my boyfriend one day said "I bought a toothbrush and left it in my bathroom for you." I was surprised, but glad because I knew he was OK with that and I wouldn't scare him off by asking.

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What puzzles me is this; why are you asking us to figure out the puzzle of what the 3 sentences mean without telling us exactly what they are?

 

The last 3 sentences simply are: I like you but still want no contact from you. Please don't contact me anymore. You do not leave a toothbrush in my bathroom because it is an invasion to my 'alpha' male's territory.

 

The thing which is getting me is: what is this 'alpha' male's territory thing? So does that mean that if a guy allows it, he is allowing a girl into his male's territory??

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Some guys are only after one thing...the toothbrush. Once they get it, they lose interest.

 

I once had a friend & i have lost that friendship many years ago because i have left a toothbrush & my shampoo in his toilet. We weren't in a relationship but since i was at his place very often, i figured that it would be more convienent to leave some of my 'essential' stuff there. Of course i did ask for his permission before i do that & he said it was ok.

At least i thought that we were very close to becoming a couple. That was why i did that. ;-) I wanted to take it slow but all the signs were pointing to the fact that he was the one who just wanted to lay with me ;-9

You say you weren't in "a relationship", but you hung out with him all the time and would "lay" with him, and apparently take showers at his place. How can you say you weren't in a relationship? It seems like you are scared of the physical aspects of a relationship for some reason, so you kid yourself into believing that this was just a friend. Why play games with your mind by telling yourself this? It's basically like you expect him to treat you like a girlfriend, but there is no sex. And it's not just about the guy's pleasure because most guys want to show their love by giving pleasure too.

 

Don't pal around with guys like this unless you are serious about moving things along a little quicker and you will avoid this situation in the future.

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It sounds to me like he wanted the relationship to be more serious than it was and thought that you weren't as interested in it as him... the toothbrush was just the straw the broke the camels back.

 

To be honest, during that time, i remembered that i was the one who was caring for this a lot. Wasn't searching for any Fb's or f & D situation... anyway, i have never done F & D or Fb's in my life. I cared more than he did but he wasn't unguilty of not misleading me.

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