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26 and still on the solo boat


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WTF is Dry Dating? | Guide to Dry D...
WTF is Dry Dating? | Guide to Dry Dating

So, I'm new......not even sure how to start this.

 

I'm starting to get a little frustrated I guess. I'm 26. Never had a boyfriend. In college I had guys flirt with me and try to initiate conversation with me, but I would just ignore it or play it off as nothing. Many of these guys were athletes and lived in the dorms with me, so I always had in my mind that these guys could get any girl they wanted and that they probably weren't looking for a relationship and more like trying to get what they could get.

 

In high school I had guys wanting to date me and a few friends would tell me somthing like "he likes you" or "do u like him" and then it would make it kinda awkward for me so I'd never mention it and act as if it never happened. Then in college I had the flirty guys in class and some random ones who I would see around the dorms who would say thing, and I would act as if I didn't hear them. I look back and realize obviously this is not how things move along. I don't know what my deal is.

I'm far from flirty. I can be shy, but not the kinda shy where I don't talk to people. Just the initial shyness when I get to know someone. So that makes it all the more difficult to get to know people. I'm kind of a straight edge. Don't drink much at all. I don't party. I am very athletic and funny, so I know that helps. I'm not all uptight like it may sound. I focused so much on school, that now I'm starting to feel like I missed out in the relationship area. I don't know if it's that guys are intimidated, which I have had people tell me, but I guess it's also the way I go about things. I know that when someone shows interest in me I back off.

I grew up with a very strict mom and a dad and brother who were also very protective and would tell me all the time the real deal with guys. I just focused on school and now that I'm out of college, I'm like what the hell, I'm 26. I just feel so out of the loop. I don't even know how to approach the whole dating thing. I've only gone on one date. A friend of a friend. We had talked a lot before meeting, so feelings came into the picture, and then we met and there it went. The guy was super nice, but I just didn't feel anything

 

So now I'm thinking of possibly joining eharmony. My dad out of all people mentioned this too me about a year ago. He was the one telling me as I grew up that I should stay solo forever and never have kids......haha, yeah awesome! Has anyone tried eharmony? Do you think it would be a bad idea for someone who hasn't dated much at all to go on there? Would it be weird for a guy who is dating a girl to find out that she's never had a boyfriend????

 

Thank you!

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Welcome to ENA. Your story is pretty similar to mine. I to oam 26 and have never had a relationship... I also am shy at first, I'm socially capable in general, but when I first meet people I tend to give the impression of either being boring or snobby, because I get shy and don't talk! I also don't seem to ever respond to guys liking me, I either don't notice, or sabotage my chances by ignoring it, acting cold and aloof (cos I'm shy and nervous) etc.

 

I joined online dating a while ago... it's had mixed success. In terms of a relationship, well I'm still single (although I've just been on 2 amazing dates with a guy... so maybe this is gonna change VERY soon).. but it has given me a wealth of dating experience if nothing else. I've got to go on about 10 dates with various types of guys, and it's helped a) become less shy and more comfortable around men / dating, b) given me an idea of what I do and don't like, c) given me some dating experience to help me along the way.

 

I too worry about what a guy asks me about my previous relationships.. I think he would be scared off by my lack of experience.. however that said it usually comes up after you have got to know the person, so they are less likely to judge you, and secondly you can use the excuse of being shy when you were younger, and focusing on your studies / career, having other priorities until now. I also will be a bit vague when they ask about past relationships etc until I know them better.

 

Hope this helps.. you are not alone in this... there are quite a few of us who have been single forever.. but I think online dating is a great place to start looking for new opportunities! Just remember to be careful (I have never had any bad experiences, but I do screen potentials very well before meeting them!)

 

Ammy

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I'm a 26 yo guy in a pretty similar situation. I basically don't know how to handle an intimate relationship, initiating it, maintaining it, or anything else. I have good friends, did well in college, lots of hobbies, but I'm not a "people" person. I don't easily form attachments to people. I finally figured out that it's my own lack of self-esteem, but I don't know how to fix it. Anyway, don't feel bad because you aren't the only one out there.

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If it makes you feel any better, I'm a 27 yo guy and only had one serious relationship. I also feel totally out of the loop, b/c I only have recently started dating after that relationship. I have no problem getting the interest of women, but after a couple dates it goes away b/c I can't open up (shyness). I would be more likely to be turned on by a girl who hasn't dated, rather than turned off (no relationship baggage).

 

I would recommend going for a dating site (I wouldn't say it's a desperate move). It is a quick way to meet a lot of other single people with similar interests. Otherwise, think about your chances of meeting someone in your day to day life. I think the bad views of online dating is slowly going away as the times change. If nothing else, it really does give you good practice dating. Attraction isn't some mystical unknown. There is some science to it and so, like anything, practice is important... unless you are lucky enough to find someone in your day to day life.

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I'm a 26yr old dude and I would actually prefer being with a girl who has barely been with anyone, even none. Because I am 26 and have only been in one serious relationship. But I still don't feel ready and I'm not getting any younger. There was this gorgeous girl who showed interest in me on my last job, she looked like my dream girl, but I was unable to reciprocate the interest even though I was into her. I was shocked that she was into me it felt like a dream. Anyways long story long (lol) there are guys who would not mine. If I'm ever with someone in the future I hope she'd be similar to me in that regard. Good Luck!!

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Kane, you from Hawaii? I used to live there.. Big hug and aloha to you kane...

 

Well, I think it would be "neat" to date someone who has NOT had a bevy of women in his bed.. just think how safe it would be to date a guy with few relationships....

 

I wish I could find a guy like this.....

No, girls, don't feel like you are some kind of loser. I know a ton of women, who by 26, have had kids, got divorced, their husbands cheated on them, with another girl, and they had a kid with them.

 

Think of all the BAD things you have missed too....sometimes being alone is a plus.

 

well, if you are getting some good vibes with the guy you are dating ammy that's great.

 

I think I need to join Plenty of Fish or some kind of dating site.

 

Going out to bars, well, it's just pointless. I do not want to get hooked up with some player type who gets drunk as a lord every weekend, and trying to drive home, even after just ONE beer, is sometimes rather precarious.

 

Just NOT worth it...

What is with society that we ALL have to be with someone from the time of puberty on, or society looks down on us.

I was the same in school.. I focused on getting my degree, had LOTS of hobbies..

Even now.. I still do.. I guess that is what keeps me busy.. I just cannot see the point of going to these meat markets, where everyone is drunk and looking for a quick hook up.

I'm SO not into that scene... I like to get to know someone well, before even considering being with them intimately.

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Kane, you from Hawaii? I used to live there.. Big hug and aloha to you kane...

 

Well, I think it would be "neat" to date someone who has NOT had a bevy of women in his bed.. just think how safe it would be to date a guy with few relationships.....

 

lol, well, there are plenty of fellas around here (including me) who have never had a relationship, but they probably won't be one of those guyswho find randomly hitting on you though.

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Well, I think it would be "neat" to date someone who has NOT had a bevy of women in his bed.. just think how safe it would be to date a guy with few relationships....

 

That was exactly what I was going to respond to this thread. I don't think there is any danger of a guy (or gal) being turned away because they are "inexperienced," both in the relationship sense and the bed-getting-in sense. In fact, I'm sure many people would prefer that kind of person

 

Even now.. I still do.. I guess that is what keeps me busy.. I just cannot see the point of going to these meat markets, where everyone is drunk and looking for a quick hook up.

I'm SO not into that scene... I like to get to know someone well, before even considering being with them intimately.

 

I agree. I tend to believe that most relationships are built upon the foundation of a good friendship. After all, how can you expect to spend a large amount of time with someone if you aren't friends with them? So, one possibility is to try and get out and do things that interest you, rollingalong (or anyone else), in the hopes of finding someone where you at least share a common interest. Likewise, my only thought/idea for anyone pursuing online dating sites is to freely and honestly advertise your interests; the more esoteric, the better

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Honestly i think most people hate it when there bf or gf has an extensive history with others, having a gf with no dating background would be nice in my book. Eharmony i think is a cope out. Get out in real life and meet people, find interests, or places to hangout on your free time, hell coffeeshops can practically be a dating site in itself, but you actually get to talk to people face to face, and really get a feeel for them.

Stay offline, and stay outside. Good luck.

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Nothing wrong with being shy. Probably the average bloke you have met over the years has not pressed the right buttons that allows you to loosen up and made you want to get to know him more. Red-flag any guy that starts asking about your previous relationships. What the hell business is it of his, and vice versa.

Back to the shy thing, intended or not - probably you come accross as too much of a challenge for the average joe so he gives up and moves on.

This is not altogether a bad thing as a guy not willing to dig into what makes you tick is maybe not the sort of guy you want- but when you get to 26 years old and never been in any sort of a relationship - then you have to ask yourself a few questions.

Personally I prefer a shy girl to a loudmouth know it all. Try speaking to a bloke on his level. Ask him about sports and other blokey things. This in turn will make him more comfortable and approachable to you. Once he sees that you are just not another "Sex in the City" clone, then he will relax.

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I'm 29, only had two short lived serious relationship. I've been on eh on and off for about a year, it does open the door for you to meet new people and gain dating experiences, although there're guys who're weird there that i couldn't understand...

 

anyway, sometimes I'm frustrated too. I tend to blame myself at not good at communication,etc. that I lost a good prospect and how long it's going to take for me to meet the right person, making mistakes in dating, relationship and eventually leading to marriage and a family? yes, dating is frustrating and it hurts every time i'm attached to someone. but got to do it...

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Thank you everyone! I just got so caught up with school that I didn't really care to date. Now that school is over and I'm getting older, I'm starting to feel a bit out of the loop. It feels like there aren't many people my age who haven't had a boyfriend/girlfriend. It was nice to see proof that there are people out there like me.

 

Anyone else out there in a similar situation?

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Thank you everyone! I just got so caught up with school that I didn't really care to date. Now that school is over and I'm getting older, I'm starting to feel a bit out of the loop. It feels like there aren't many people my age who haven't had a boyfriend/girlfriend. It was nice to see proof that there are people out there like me.

 

Anyone else out there in a similar situation?

 

Well I'm a little younger but in the same situation. I haven't really dated for something like 5 years and I haven't ever really had a serious relationship. I spent the last several years traveling way-too-frequently for work and never really socialized much. Now I'm more stationary but feel out of the loop. And my first attempt at dating again isn't going so well.

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Thanks for all or your replies. It's nice to see there are others in similar situations. I've always been fine on my own, but feeling a bit out of it now that I don't have school to keep me busy. Everyone seems to be getting married, having kids, moving on with life and I just feel like I'm barely moving.

I guess it wasn't meant for me to be in a relationship yet. I think too many people rush things in life and then lose track of who they are and what they want. I'm glad I've maintained and that I've been able to go along this far in life on my own.

And on that note, I'm thinking of trying eharmony? When I'm about to start up my profile, I feel like it's a desperate move......don't know if I should wait a while longer. I just don't go out much and I definitely don't do the bar/club scene, so I don't meet many people nowadays. Has anyone tried eharmony? What are the people like? ok I'm rambling.

Thanks again!!!!!

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I am about to be 26 and while I am dating someone and have had long term relationships in the past, I can't help but think I may end up alone forever. I think it's the age that we're at. I read a really really really interesting article. Quarterlife Crisis: link removed

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I personally wouldn't worry too much about being single at this age. eharmony may sound like an attractive option, but it would probably be best to meet your first potential serious relationship through casual get togethers, introduction from a friend, etc. Although I'm not in the same boat as you, I have stressed over that situation when I was in college and younger on how to approach the first relationship and whether it will be awkward to do all these first things with this person who has more experience. If the other person is caring and loving, s/he wouldn't care.

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This is an interesting thread. Would you mind telling what ethnicity you are OP? There are guys out there who would not mind a girl not too experienced with guys. I would suggest you try a free site before you go spend money on Eharmony.

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Hey you are single, no children young and educated all the time in the world. The right guy will come along.....eharmony is okay, dating sites are okay, but the main thing is, are you ready to date, are you open enough to find that someone. Besides it is good pratice, you'll learn how to weed through the bad ones, youll learn what it is you want in a man and what you dont, maybe you ll find out things that you need to change about yourself. Never settle for second best. I settled for second best and now I have two beautiful children, but with an abusive spouse (thank god had the guts to leave). Now i am finding myself having to start all over and i am not educated besides 2 years of university i dropped out of to have children. I only tell you this to say STOP WORRYING ABOUT IT, if I am not worrying about and I should have a more difficult time dating then you, YOU SHOULD NOT BE WORRYING ABOUT IT . you are beautiful, gorgeous, intelligent and mr.right will come in due time, when it is time, and not wwhen you want it to be time Instead of pressuring yourself turn it into an experiment, make it fun. Enjoy your life

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I'm a whitey, Dubb. Those non-paying sites look a little freaky I must admit. I'm not looking to hook up with people. I'm looking for a best friend.

 

The more and more I think about it, the more I think I put off the "intimidating" vibe. I don't mean to, it's just there. I'm kinda quiet around guys I've just met. My friend that has known me for ten plus years told me this a couple times recently. She knows how I am. I'm pretty conservative, straight edge (no drugs light on the alcohol). My morals and values are strong. I'm not the flirty type. And no I'm not weird looking if any of you are wondering.....I just can't do the flirty thing. It's not me. So when I've had opportunites to flirt or to get to know guys, I just pull back and go back to the familiar, comfort zone territory. I don't know.I've had to much time on my hands recently now that I'm on the job hunt which is making me think about it too much. I guess I need to chill (although that is what I have been doing too much of these past 26 years)

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okay so you have a hard time being flirty, well then dont. but keep yourself looking interested. If a guy looks at you give him a brief smile, give him eye contact back, you dont have to be a super flirt. If you smile at the guy and hes interested in you, this will send the single, okay well you might have to do it twice, after that if he dont get the hint, move on beautiful

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi there! I just have a quick question for you. Have you ever been interested in any of the guys that have approached you but get too nervous? Or is it just guys that you don't really care for trying to talk to you? Have you ever had a serious "crush" on a guy but have been too shy to do anything about it? I just ask because in that case, if it's just a shyness thing, I think trying online dating would be good for you. If I was you, I'd go on a few dates just to get some experience under my belt and learn how to be more comfortable with guys.

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