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Holding in your feelings


4dogs

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I have a friend who I really, really like. Now we just went away together for the weekend and apparently she really wanted to go to prom with me. She kept making hints that I didnt catch on to...when we got home she finally asked me if I would go with her. So I said yes, definitely. Apparently she was really nervous to ask me and very hesitant. So I think she likes me but I am not sure.

 

The thing is, I KNOW I really really like her...a lot. But I cant bring myself to tell her because sometimes I feel like she really does like me and sometimes I feel like she doesnt. Why does it hurt so badly to hold in your feelings about someone? And what should I do? Should I just tell her already?

 

Reasons I think she likes me is that she invited me to go away with her and she is very flirty. Sometimes she texts me ALL DAY LONG. When I ask to hang out, we usually do.

 

Reasons I DONT think she likes me is that its always me to ask to hang out, and sometimes she doesnt text me at all during the day, only when I contact her first.

 

This is making me so miserable...I dont know what to do...

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Short of stalking you, what else can this poor girl do to let you know she likes you? Sometimes she texts you all day, asked you to go away for he weekend with her, dropped lots of hints that she wanted to go to prom with you ... you're complaining that it's always you that asks to hang out, but didn't SHE ask you to go with her?

 

She was really nervous about asking you to do this - I'm not surprised, given that you haven't really given her a clue about what YOUR feelings are!

 

Try to relax and enjoy what sounds like a growing, loving relationship. Stop needing 24/7 reassurance from her - no other human being can give you this, but you can look back to all the loving gestures and hold them in your heart when you are apart.

 

And, when the time feels right, tell her what your feelings are. Of course it hurts to hold them in - it hurts to hold any feeling in - but you do need to recognise that it's you doing this to yourself, and not anyone else. You have the power to change this at any time. I know it's scary when we think we risk rejection - but just read your post again and ask yourself if you REALLY think she's going to reject you! (Hint - I suspect not!)

 

Good luck!

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And what should I do? Should I just tell her already?

 

In my opinion you shouldn't tell women your feelings with words this early. You gotta show her your interest. How do you do this? Easy. Ask her out to prom or anything else, by going in for a kiss et cetera. Action speaks louder than words.

 

You shouldn't over-analyze every interaction with her. Just assume that's she's into you and act accordingly. I mean, she's already showing major signs of interest, although you don't sound very confident. Add a little confidence to your behaviour and this one will be pretty easy (hint: confidence is very attractive).

 

Dating should be about having fun, not about wondering and worrying. You won't die if you get rejected. Keep that in mind.

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I agree with both posters above. At the rate you're going, you'll lose her before you've even started. She's clearly shown interest over and over again, and yet you don't seem to give her any feedback or indication that you are interested in her in the same way. Soon she'll lose interest and give up trying.

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Strip off her cloth...... er wait.. Too soon...

 

Open doors for her, be a gentleman, buy her flowers every now and then, hold her hand, walk arm in arm, etc. Lots of stuff you can do and not appear to be rushing into things.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Depends on how much physical contact you have anyway, but I've found over the years that just taking the other person's hand as you walk along, or are sitting in a cafe, marks the difference between being friends and the first stages of a romantic relationship. This is best accompanied by eye contact.

 

It is amazing how powerful this really simple gesture can be.

 

Of course, it doesn't apply if you're holding someone's hand to pull them out of a river, say, or holding their hand to stop them falling in the river in the first place. Also, if you're a touchy-feely person anyway, and already hold hands, you just need to make the physical contact slightly more intimate without being intrusive.

 

Good luck, and keep us posted!

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If it makes you miserable you are going to have to tell her how you feel eventually. You can't go on being miserable forever! Even if you are just friends its better to get it out there. I'm sure she likes you though, she wanted to go to prom with you......thats usually reserved for relationship type things isn't it?!

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