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Trying to learn patience


confused9

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So for the last several weeks I’ve been taking a class in a foreign country with 12 classmates that I don’t know very well. Before coming, 2 of the classmates went out of their way to befriend me. This was very nice of them. But since coming on this trip, part of me feels like I can’t break free from them. One of them in particular is getting on my nerves. She’s very smart, very sweet, very outspoken. But in class, she constantly interrupts people, tries to talk for other people, and rarely lets anyone get a word out without somehow injecting herself into the conversation.

 

Not only that, I’ve had to room with her for a few nights. I’m frustrated. Because it used to be only in class that her personality bothered me, but now it’s outside of class she’s doing similar things. I think this is part of her personality, and I’m obviously not going to ask her to change. But I’m a bit more laid back, in that I do not always need to be the center of attention. But watching someone who has to be that way is sooo annoying! I’m trying to give the poor girl a break. Her boyfriend just broke up with her, and she’s about 4 years younger than me. But I’m still so annoyed!

 

She’s constantly talking about how young she is, how small she is, how many guys have hit on her (she’s cute, but not cute enough to be behaving that way), and claiming she knows everything or has discovered everything.

 

There are definitely those that navigate away from her personality, but what does frustrate me is that others don’t get as bothered. Why is it that it gets to me so much?

 

This isn’t the first time I have felt like this. I always feel as if people latch on to me. And they’re not the people that I would normally navigate to, but they’re good people. But then I get a bit annoyed with them for that very reason. I think I just need to learn some patience and realize that this is only temporary. Sorry to vent. Just need to get some of the frustration out before tomorrow begins!

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What often bothers me about others on this level of relation are the very same attitudes and behaviors I don't like about myself.

 

Yep, I usually need to raise a big uht-oh question in my own mind--do I loathe this person's self-centeredness because it competes with mine? Maybe not in terms of behavior, but how about attitude?

 

It's been hard to teach myself that the universe doesn't revolve around me. (Imagine that.) So I have to take a step back and appreciate how many toes I may have stepped on in my lifetime before getting too judgmental about someone else's missteps.

 

I try to play a game in my head that challenges me to see how patient and generous I can be when I'm under the most pressure to explode. The goal is to trick myself out of the self-indulgent mind whining that will only amplify my annoyance and make my own life miserable. I turn it into a behavioral test--how well I can diffuse my own discomfort and focus on being gracious and possibly even useful to someone else?

 

The up side is that I get to be proud of myself for doing the opposite of coming unglued. I've also decided that I'm reworking my karma--maybe I'll encounter fewer people who disturb me by becoming less disturbable. Easier said than done; I know.

 

My heart goes out to you, and in your corner.

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