I could be a nice guy if I want to

[bertdru]

But I just don't have the guts to do it. Yesterday I saw an old woman trying to cross the road. I stopped and thought of helping her. Then lots of things went through my mind

 

what if you try to help and she falls

what if you both fell and a car runs you over

what if you catch her hand and she slaps you thinking you are a perv or something

what if I try to talk to her and she crosses the road herself thereby leaving me embarassed

 

and so on and so forth!

 

The same things go through my mind when I think of working for a charity organisation. I think I will say something stupid there and people will make fun of me(like people have done at all stages of my life). I don't think I am intelligent or outgoing enough to go to places and help people out. I don't think I have the social skills necessary to interact with people.

 

Does anybody else feel this way?

[COtuner]

Social anxiety, IMO. Worrying too much and overanalyzing what might happen. You might simply ask the woman, "would you like any assistance accross the street? There's a lot of traffic and I've noticed the lights change quickly here." And for the charity, just do it. Most charity volunteers are not professionals - they're all just doing what they can and no one expects you to be superman. Try volunteering in a less social charity at first, like working with animals or doing office tasks. That gets you used to it

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I don't think I have the social skills necessary to interact with people.

Your lack of self esteem is what is preventing you from taking decisive action. Helping people is a very good way to get out of your shell and have the confidence to interact with people. Helping people allows for natural dialogue as the other person shows appreciation..that appreciation helps boost your confidence. So get out there and help people..and once you do you might find that you actually enjoy the high that comes from doing a good deed which is appreciated by the other person.

[ATLstudent]

In a way charity helping others and the world around your is self serving in its benefits. The truth of it is, it makes you feel really good about yourself when you extend a hand to someone else, or at least it does for me. Its self serving , in that i do it because i know its makes me feel good,

 

but the fact that helping others makes me feel good, makes me a good person i believe, and makes my self serving nature a good thing.

 

everyone is self serving in a way.....everyone does things that makes them feel bettter......if your lucky enough for those things to be good and excepting by society than its good times.\

 

Its like working out, it makes you feel good. But its really the helping other people that gives you the feeling, so its self serving and its not. Its a good thing

 

YOu can become a good person.....YOu just need to realize the benefits of helping others, and that may out way all of the worries you have abo9ut doing those things. Risks are in everything, YOu can reach greatness without risk and struggle, TO reach great heights you will find yourself in pain and struggle and must fight through this, and you willl find rewards.

[Pegasus]

Why do you want to be that nice guy anyway?

[bertdru]

In a way charity helping others and the world around your is self serving in its benefits. The truth of it is, it makes you feel really good about yourself when you extend a hand to someone else, or at least it does for me. Its self serving , in that i do it because i know its makes me feel good,

 

but the fact that helping others makes me feel good, makes me a good person i believe, and makes my self serving nature a good thing.

 

Well the thing is - I am not very skilled at anything. I am not an outdoorsy person so I don't know how to handle ANYTHING. I am clumsy so if I carry a baby, he might fall. If I protect somebody, I might end up hurting them. My intentions might be good but I might * * * * it up. There are so many issues that are going through my head and the fears are not without reason. Time and again, I have embarassed myself in public and people have laughed at me. And worse they even say later "hey do you remember the time when did that?" and laugh at me.

 

If I am going to deal with kids and if those kids laugh at me, I might as well commit suicide.

 

Why do you want to be that nice guy anyway?

 

Well yeah I think of that too I don't know the answer to that.

[paintedfish]

I'm exactly the same way. I think of so many nice things I want to say/do but I get so paranoid and nervous I can't do them. I know deep down I'm altruistic and helpful, but I can hardly ever act on it. When I do, I almost get a panic attack. But, sure enough, after I do it the bad outcomes never happen, and the person being helped is always appreciative. Even if they say no, knowing someone wanted to help makes them feel better. It always makes me happy when someone thinks of me, even if I don't accept the service.

[sanadee]

maybe more self-esteem would be helpful, rather than being nice.

 

Besides, the common definition of being nice IMO is indicative of an emotionally unhealthy person. I don't see why anybody would want to be the common definition of nice.

[ATLstudent]

The thing is we all have that fearful, and anxious part of our brain and thoughts, some have it more than others, some shrug it off, some get obsessed. JUst know its normal to think these things, everyone does to some degree, but i can see you havent gotten over it, or learned how to deal with it.....thats what your focus needs to be.....stop staring at the problem, thinking about the problem, and start looking for the answers, the ways to deal with these fears...you need to conquer this some way.....LOok up how to cope with fears and insecurities, there are real ways to solve this....ANd you will grow as a person!

[waveseer]

It takes practice to interact in a meaningful way with strangers, it really does. When I haven't done it for a while I have to start from the beginning again to get over the naysaying voices in my head. You can do it and if you do it often enough it will become natural for you, I promise.

[sanadee]

Have you considered counselling?

[catfeeder]

It takes practice to interact in a meaningful way with strangers, it really does. When I haven't done it for a while I have to start from the beginning again to get over the naysaying voices in my head. You can do it and if you do it often enough it will become natural for you, I promise.

 

This is the truth. In fact, even perfectly social people can fall into funks that have us sometimes feeling foreign and out of step with the rest of humanity. So don't isolate yourself as some freak, because you're not. We're all capable of trumping up self-defeating excuses to keep old wounds fresh--but what does that buy you, exactly, except amplified fear and a life that gets smaller and older instead of experience that grows you wiser?

 

Biggest mental trick is to avoid pitting your intelligence against yourself by inventing useless 'what if' scenarios. Probabilities are infinite and pointless to belabor unless your only goal is to stagnate. If you want to liberate yourself from your past experiences, then you're the only one who can do that--not even the best support team in the world can reach into your life and force you to start living it.

 

Try using baby steps to measure your own progress without comparing yourself to anyone else. For instance, if it's a big deal for you to say hello to strangers as you shop for groceries, then that's something to which you can aspire as opposed to chalking that goal up as useless because someone else might do that naturally.

 

I also like the idea of positioning yourself in service that only requires what you're prepared to give. If you love animals, go walk dogs and play with cats in shelters. If you're great with the Internet, you may find an organization that needs viral marketing skills. If you're afraid of interacting with people, it should come as some comfort to understand that unlike grade school where peers are mean and immature, most adults will pull for you in ways that are likely to warm your heart and open new vision for you.

 

You can talk yourself out of anything--that's easy. Try putting your smarts where your mouth is, and talk yourself into enjoying something simple. It's a decision. We each need to make choices every. single. day. as to how much we're willing to extend ourselves and how much we're willing to risk to know the joys of loving.

 

In your corner.