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How do you talk to someone about their drinking?


sandrawg

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How do you talk to someone whom you think may have a drinking problem?

 

I don't think he's an alcoholic, but i'm not sure. He binge drinks a little too much, and when he does, common sense flies out the window. When he binge drinks, he drinks enough to kill a horse.

 

It's not like he wakes up in the morning and needs a beer. I think he can go without. But I'm concerned that someone I care about lets himself get that sloppy.

 

I don't want to come accross as angry, or condescending, or arrogant. What's a good way to gently, lovingly express my concern?

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hmm well i would say since he doesn't sound like an alcoholic, maybe try motivating him to not drink and not drink as much - provide alternatives when and if you can. Sounds like if he were to back off just abit, he'd have it under control.

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hmm well i would say since he doesn't sound like an alcoholic, maybe try motivating him to not drink and not drink as much - provide alternatives when and if you can. Sounds like if he were to back off just abit, he'd have it under control.

 

I agree with Poe. Give him some motivation not to drink as much all in one setting. I'm also in this situation with a guy who binge drinks when he's not with anyone else while he's out. I would give him the same advice that I'm giving and others are giving you but:

 

1. I think he's too dependent on other people for just my help. He needs a counselor to find the root of his dependency.

2. I'm not a friend to him. He thinks I am because I was merely in two classes with him but honestly I don't call myself his friend. Harsh but true.

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Hi Sandrawg,

 

Being the child of two alcoholics I can tell you it isn't how much or how often but why they drink the way they do that defines the problem.

Why does he binge drink? Why does he have to get so drunk to have fun? Does it start off slow and ends up into a binge? Many people simply do not have the ability to know when to stop until they pass out of get sick.

 

Bringing this up without him getting defensive may not be easy. Let him know that it worries you how much he consumes in a night and that you are worried that something bad will happen one time. You cannot make him stop but you may be able to give him something to think about. Who he drinks with is also important. If they are all heavy drinkers it may be even harder to get him to see this as a problem.

 

Don't nag him and certainly never try and talk to him when he is drinking or the very next day. Some quite time in the middle of the week try and bring it up.

 

Good luck

Lost

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Thanks so much for your reply.

 

He's had various reasons why he drinks so much. It always seems to relate to his living situation. He lived in a community house w/ a bunch of pot smokers...a really bad environment. He said he went to bars to get away. Now he's moved into a nicer place, but he says he doesn't like his roommates. Or, he's bored. It's always something.

 

I told him, look-if you really are drinking to deal with these problems, that's a sign of alcoholism. Alcohol as escape...alcohol as a painkiller...I used to date a recovering alcoholic and went to AA meetings with him, so I learned enough to know that this is a red flag.

 

We're going to talk more about it this weekend.

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