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I Have Feelings For Someone Else Wh...
I Have Feelings For Someone Else While In a Relationship

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I just found out from friend she is going on a date with a guy this weekend. we were together a year. long story. she dumped me 3 mo. ago . am i wrong for being torn up knowing she is already out there dating when i am still in a world of hurt. yes its gotten better, but this feels like I am back at day 1.

 

how did anyone else in this situation feel or handle it ? thanks

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You should really try to move on. If she is the one that dumped you she probably already has moved on so you should too. Try not to inquire too much about her life and focus on yours instead. I know you probably want to be told here that she is still in love with you and doing all this to get over you but truth of the matter is that a dumper is usually ready to meet someone new within 3 months. She knew you werent right for her so she is trying to find someone that is, thats why she left you. It would be unreasonable for you to expect her to not date anyone after the 3 month mark

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Honestly, this is my biggest fear right now. I could not handle finding out my ex is dating someone already. It would crush me. The very idea of it makes me want to curl up into a ball and cry. It has only been three weeks, so I think the chances of that happening are slim, but I'm trying to prepare myself for it.

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i think you should stop getting updates on your ex, and go full no contact. 3 months is a respectable time to wait, imho, and i think both of you should be dating again. when you feel ready of course. sometimes, dating helps me move on too. ask your friends not to give you updates about her and try to move forward. sorry!

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i just found out my ex is in a relationship with another guy.. his myspace ISNT private.. pics of him and her are up on there..

 

man that really hurt.. what a bummer.. im an idiot.. i should have never snooped around.. i KNOW better then that..

 

we have been in NC for 3 weeks.. she tried to lie and say that had nothing going on.. she is so full of crap.. i cant believe she has just turned into a liar.. im glad i stopped talking to her and helping her when i did... she doesnt deserve me at all..

 

i could have been a fool and kept helping while she is getting banged by some other dude.. i'm so thankful i told her she can take her friendship and SHOVE it where the sun doesnt shine!

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I dont like but some say "to get over one person, you gotta get under another." It stings a lot! But in some cases, thats what people need. Its better than getting into a new relationship, to get out of another relationship. Which I see happen all the time.

 

I am doing my best to avoid finding out if my ex is dating. It's not been very long, just under a month, I do not want to know.

 

I've been out with a guy a few times since the breakup, first time out with the new guys was before even a "2 week" mark. If my ex found out it might hurt his feelings, might not. He broke up with me, and at that exact moment we were no long bound to each other, or each others feelings.

 

my 2.

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For my ex i knew she would quickly jump into another relationship after mine, thats how she is. She lieks the honey moon period of things. She as a fear of being a lone so needs to fill that up quickly. She believes she has a low self worth so hearing " I love you" from someone gives her that ego boost.

 

So when I found out she was in a relationship and saying all the same things she said to me. No i wasnt surprised but it still stings a little.

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Maybe its just my ego talking, but i just didnt think she could move on so quick. but then again, she dumped me even though "she had to". i was numb initially, but now im just disgusted. you guys were right, i need to just tell people i dont want to know.

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I just found out from friend she is going on a date with a guy this weekend. we were together a year. long story. she dumped me 3 mo. ago . am i wrong for being torn up knowing she is already out there dating when i am still in a world of hurt. yes its gotten better, but this feels like I am back at day 1.

 

how did anyone else in this situation feel or handle it ? thanks

 

you just have to let her go. my ex got married a year after. it happens.

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It feels like I'm moving on, at least a little...but, to be honest, I would be REALLY hurt if I found out my ex fiance was dating!

 

I think it would be mostly because I would feel like he betrayed my trust. He broke things off because he didn't feel ready to get married but said he wanted no one else. And he said he had to get his life together and not be dependent on anyone.

 

So if he was seeing someone else, that would cause me to doubt his reasons for breaking up with me! I would then start to question whether or not he was telling the truth during other parts of the relationship as well. I've never once caught him in a lie, so this would probably really knock me for a loop.

 

Even though it's been almost 6 months since the break-up, he has a lot of work to do on himself. He wants to be alone (so he says) because he never really had a chance to as an adult. So if he went and found someone else, I would take it very personally.

 

I figure, if he was going to be with someone, he would be with me! That's what he made it sound like anyway...like it wasn't because he didn't love me, it was because he was not right with himself.

 

So yeah, I would go back to Day 1 also. I think it's natural to feel crushed after something like that.

 

But I'm sure it will happen to all of us eventually. I see no signs of my ex dating anyone else right NOW...that's probably why I feel OK. I feel like he told me the truth about the relationship ending and it's not me in particular.

 

Even so, I thought he wanted to be my husband and the father of my kids...so if he's with someone else eventually, I will really be hurt knowing that he knows I love him and he's forgetting about his past (me) and going on to someone else.

 

I guess you just go through the grieving process again and hopefully it will be shorter this time because you lost her once, so you can deal with this too...just a set-back.

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woman writer you made an amazing point. she told me she needed time just to be alone. i guess 3 months is the average? you nailed it, if she needed this important healing time she wouldnt be dating. you are right, i feel like i was lied to !!!

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woman writer you made an amazing point. she told me she needed time just to be alone. i guess 3 months is the average? you nailed it, if she needed this important healing time she wouldnt be dating. you are right, i feel like i was lied to !!!

 

well im right in there with ya buddy.. im so hurt right now.. she is such a lying piece of SH!T ..

 

All i want to do is her cal her out on all her lying.. but i know its best to jus tmove on and act like nothing affects me.. FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT BABY!!

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It feels like I'm moving on, at least a little...but, to be honest, I would be REALLY hurt if I found out my ex fiance was dating!

 

I think it would be mostly because I would feel like he betrayed my trust. He broke things off because he didn't feel ready to get married but said he wanted no one else. And he said he had to get his life together and not be dependent on anyone.

 

So if he was seeing someone else, that would cause me to doubt his reasons for breaking up with me! I would then start to question whether or not he was telling the truth during other parts of the relationship as well. I've never once caught him in a lie, so this would probably really knock me for a loop.

 

Even though it's been almost 6 months since the break-up, he has a lot of work to do on himself. He wants to be alone (so he says) because he never really had a chance to as an adult. So if he went and found someone else, I would take it very personally.

 

I figure, if he was going to be with someone, he would be with me! That's what he made it sound like anyway...like it wasn't because he didn't love me, it was because he was not right with himself.

 

This is what happened with my ex fiance. It was absolutely gutting. It made the whole relationship a lie. I will always resent him. This most recent break up has been a lot easier by comparison, although here again I suspect he is seeing someone new. I guess my ex fiance promised so much (in the form an engagement) so going back on it in such a shady deceitful way hit much harder. They were "friends" before we split up btw..

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My ex of 3 years dated someone 2 weeks after our break up. I nearly died from panic and anger, but managed to calm myself down and we have been in NC ever since (except we chatted online for a bit about a week ago, but I don't plan to talk to him again for at least another month or so). It could also be her way of grieving for you, and to get over you fast. My ex told some friends that his seeing someone else was also to help him get over me. It hurts, but it also shows that they're struggling too. I promise you that if your relationship was as meaningful to them as it was to you, their mind will wander to you every now and then whether they like it or not. I know that they will never stop thinking about you--mainly because they never had the chance to truly get over you if they start dating someone else pretty soon after a long relationship. Take it as a compliment that they need such a distraction.

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I'll give you my story. I thought my ex had started to date one of her good friends within 2 weeks of breaking things off with me. It tore me up inside. I had some pictures of the 2 of them together, which wouldn't be out of the ordinary, other than that they were acting a lot closer. So I eventually confronted my ex and she told me nothing was going on. 1 month later they started dating (I have a 6th sense for this type of thing...I eerily figure out what's going to happen in my "relationships" before things ever actually happen). They are still dating. Just be happy that you don't know the person your ex is dating. In addition, you only know that your ex went on "dates". That's to be expected after that time period. Take comfort knowing that it is probably a necessary evil whether or not you reconcile with the ex. They need to know what it's like to date other people. How did I deal with it? I don't have a good answer. Sometimes, I would tell myself that it would help her figure out that she wants me. Sometimes, I'd ask myself if I'd really want her back now. I think overall, though, it helped me let go. You do what you have to in order to get through it. I feel fine about things now. You will too eventually. Looking back, I don't know if I ever could date my ex again b/c of this.

 

As for the others. Exes always have some reason for the breakup and the reason usually isn't, "to see other people." They are always going to try to find ways to lessen the blow. I had gotten excuses from my ex that basically pointed out that she wasn't going to get in a relationship anytime soon. However, they will always be looking to find someone else after a breakup. It's natural. People like being in relationships. They ended their last relationship, b/c it wasn't all that they wanted, so they want to move onto a new one. It's just something you have to accept after being "dumped."

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A lot of what I am hearing here is that the ex's broke up with you guys did so and said that they “wanted to be alone,” and that it would make the relationship you two had a lie if they began to date again?

 

I sort of feel like the "big picture" is being missed here. The relationship is over, they dont owe you anything. If they find someone else it doesnt take away value from your relationship, because that relationship is over, and can no longer be effected. The past can't be changed, so them dating right away or never ever again, wont change the relationship that you two had.

 

I guess its enough for me for to be told "I can and am walking away from you and this relationship." Enough said.

 

Them being with someone else can hurt like hell, but we can't say that it's fair or unfair, right or wrong, or going against any kind of a promise they made to us, because the relationship is over.

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i understand what you are saying, she dosen't owe me a thing. i guess that when you build that tight of a bond and realize you were lied to, it just plain hurts. you thought you knew that person better.

 

well shes out tonight, some friends helped me get through. hopefully this is my last tough night.

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hulk7280 - but what if they are LYING about dating??

There are three reasons I could imagine an ex would lie to you about dating other people 1) to spare your feelings, they don’t want to hurt you, they care about you still 2) they want to keep you on the back burner as a safety-net, they fear that if you find out they are dating that you will give up on them and maybe start dating other people too 3) they don’t think its any of your business what they are doing or who they are dating.

 

They are no longer your bf/gf, so they can date whomever they choose. If they are your “friend” now, and you feel like you are being lied to by them as a “friend” then maybe you don’t need that friendship.

 

Wolf22 - i guess that when you build that tight of a bond and realize you were lied to, it just plain hurts. you thought you knew that person better.

 

Harsh as it sounds, that bond is now broken. It doesn’t seem fair that they might be off happily doing whatever they are doing, while we are hurting, but its something that will only keep us hurting if we hang on to it for too long.

 

Its awful, the thought of them moving on, which also happens to be in a direction away from us.

 

Hang in there.

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