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Just need to vent about dating...


Hold-emMan

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I really want to know why it's so hard out there to find somebody great who also feels the same about you? I know people who are good- looking, smart, funny people who can't get into a serious relationship and stay in it to save themselves. But then there are people who have no problems whatsoever. My exs seem to never have a problem finding another serious relationship. My last girlfriend of 2.5 years and I split when I moved accross the country (I'm back now) for a job close to 10 months ago now, but we kept in contact for a few months after I left. She told me about 5 months ago that she started dating somebody back in December which is only 4 months after the split. When she told me this back in January that was the last time we talked. I just can't get over the fact that I've gone on like a million dates and talked to a million girls and met a lot more girls in public as well since I left and have had only modest success. I mean I've hooked up and met some nice girls along the way but certainly nothing has been close to developing into a serious relationship. Yet with her, this alledged guy was probably the first guy she dated after the split. I'm not saying she doesn't deserve it, but why is it so hard to for people to meet people out there, except of course for my exs? lol Like I said... I know so many people, including myself, who are good-looking, funny, smart people who are having so much trouble finding good people out there.

 

One of the issues we had was that she was in her 30's (33 next month) and she felt like her biological clock was running out. She had been married before (where she was cheated on after only 2 years by a husband who was ugly btw lol) and I think she really wanted to be married again because most of her big family was married with kids and so was pretty much all of her friends. She really wanted that traditional life and actually there's nothing wrong with that... so do I. Right now I'm trying to get into my career (teaching) but it's not very easy. I am trying though. I think she wants a guy who's already in his career who could provide her with all the things she wants NOW like house/marriage/kids. Again... nothing wrong with those things because I want them too as does most people. But, I do believe that she would settle for someone she didn't like/love as much as me if he could provide her with these things, know what I mean? I thought she settled for her husband because not only was he ugly (ok... I know that sounds superficial but he really was haha) but he also treated her not very well and then cheated on her. You'd think she learned by now not to jump into another serious relationship but she probably can't help it... she's a serial serious relationship girl. I just hope she's happy. I know she totally was with me at one point and we could be engaged by now if I hadn't taking her for granted. Arrrrgh! Who knows the nature of this relationship with this guy... maybe they're not even dating anymore? But they most likely are, and they might even be engaged. That should be me. But, back to the original point and question... why is it so hard for some and so seemingly easy for others. 4 months in between relationships is not a long time in my opinion btw.

 

My other vent is this... why are all female elementary education teachers in a relationship? I substitute teach in a big school district with many schools, plus I've worked in many other elementary schools. I'm telling ya... at least 90% of the women are taken, whether it's boyfriends or husbands that they have. It's uncanny, really. The 5-10% that aren't taken there's usually a good reason for it. It's unbelievable, and it goes for all types of women- pretty/ugly, nice/nasty, young/older, fat/skinny, good teacher/bad teacher. It doesn't matter. If it wasn't like this I wouldn't have to do online dating... which as you all know is another frustrating thing lol! Why is this? Is there a reason why the vast majority of female elementary education teachers are taken? There has to be a reason why this is and it can't be just coincidence. Dating sux

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Maybe the people you see who you think find it "so easy" to be in relationships are just more needy and will date with less exepctations.

 

I know people who are back in a relationship after being with someone for 6 years, 3 months later they are back in a full on relationship (whereas it takes me a year to get over someone.. haha!)

 

And yeah I think that school teacher thing might just be where you live. I know plenty of single female teachesr.

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Elementary teachers are very traditional and ready to settle usually. I have a hot friend who is an elementary teacher but she lives in a district that has no men so she's single.

 

umm..i've been an Elementary school teacher and I don't think that is usual at all...blech! ( )

 

That's like saying all accountants wear glasses and took their shirts in their pants and tug the pants up to their chest and have a calculator in their pocket.

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It hurts my soul when someone says 'oh these women are single and there's usually a good reason for it'. i'm also frustrated i can't find a good guy. i've been single for a solid year, not that i've been actively looking, but nobody caught my eyes. well there was this one guy but he's so very not interested. why is it so hard?

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A few ideas jumped out at me from this post.

 

-Your ex might not be as willing to settle as she appears to you since she left you in part, as you say, because you took her for granted. Maybe she's more 'skilled' at dating.

-You might not be as great as you think It's kind of a cruel thing to say, but sometimes we don't know if we come off to people as cocky or arrogant or a 'know-it-all' or whatnot to potential dates.

-You spend most of this post ranting about your ex. I think you need to get over that first before trying to get into another serious relationship. Women can sense a guy with emotional baggage.

 

You note that female teachers are single for a good reason. Maybe you should consider that you are single for a good reason too.

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Ms Darcy:

 

You should read my post again because I say that it is very frustrating that there really seems to be NO SINGLE elementary school teachers. I make that very clear actually.

 

Your response was very judgmental. First of all... our breakup was very mutual. She didn't "leave" me. I should have made that clear in the original post. You are definitely right about me not being over her... I'm definitely not but I'm getting there. I don't think she's totally over me either truthfully... at least she wasn't when we last were speaking as her messages indicated that she wasn't 'over me.' My main point here was to point out that it is so easy for some and so hard for most. Maybe it's just luck? Believe me, I'm far from perfect but I'm a good person who deserves a good women to be with just like the ex I was talking about does. I just think she's prone to settling... just my opinion. There's no such thing as being a 'skilled dater.' You could be a skilled musician, or a skilled painter, or a skilled golfer, but dating is a totally different thing in my opinion.

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There's no such thing as being a 'skilled dater.' You could be a skilled musician, or a skilled painter, or a skilled golfer, but dating is a totally different thing in my opinion.

 

I have to disagree with the above. I think dating is most definitely a learned skill. First off, dating - especially the initial stage, when you're meeting and first getting to know people - is a game. You have to figure out the unwritten rules and the dance of the dating game. Some people are definitely more skilled at playing the game than others.

 

Beyond that, you also need to develop the ability to both read other people, and to understand yourself and your own needs in a partner and a relationship. This is also something that is not natural to many people, and takes practice. This is why so many people have multiple failed relationships before finally settling down with someone.

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I understand what you're saying viajera and you have a good point. Some people are better at dating than others for sure. But I'm sure there are people that are 'skilled' that still have trouble finding good people, just like there are people who aren't very skilled that find people without much trouble. I guess it's just luck, or lack thereof. Relationships, however, are a whole new ball game after the dating stage. You maybe good at getting into them, but not as good at staying in them for too long.

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pinkelephant i hate it when men say that to. the coolest women i ever knew were single very often because they weren't ready to settle. or because they had amazing, unique personalities that the typical males didn't relate to. just b/c she isn't constantly dating doesn't mean she is desirable. and just because she is, doesn't mean she is desirable to the right one for you. my kind of guy doesn't go for the chick that all the other tools go for , if you know what i mean.

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Maybe broaden your horizens a little, why just teachers? And is you are still ranting about your ex, your probably still comparing every other women to your ex as well. Whether you realize it or not. to me it doesnt really sound like your even ready to be interested in another women, this is probably why it is taking longer. when you stop looking and fell comfortable being single thats when you find the woman you will be intrested in. till then enjoy your time being single, and truly don't put all your eggs in one basket, there are great women out there who are not teachers.

cheers

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pinkelephant i hate it when men say that to. the coolest women i ever knew were single very often because they weren't ready to settle. or because they had amazing, unique personalities that the typical males didn't relate to. just b/c she isn't constantly dating doesn't mean she is desirable. and just because she is, doesn't mean she is desirable to the right one for you. my kind of guy doesn't go for the chick that all the other tools go for , if you know what i mean.

 

I agree with this. Some of the most messed up women I know have no problems finding a man..and some of the most put together women have a hard time.

 

As for the "skills of dating"...if you consider game playing and seduction techniques a skill well..yeah, then I guess it takes expertise in that area...but not everyone values that method to get dates and relationships and are not interested in trying to perfect those skills because it is not in their personality to behave that way.

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As for the "skills of dating"...if you consider game playing and seduction techniques a skill well..yeah, then I guess it takes expertise in that area...but not everyone values that method to get dates and relationships and are not interested in trying to perfect those skills because it is not in their personality to behave that way.

 

I don't think being a skilled dater means playing games and being seductive, although I guess it could for some people. I think some people know exactly where to go to find eligible partners, how to flirt subtly and make it clear that they are interested without going over the top, how to be open with people, etc. And why wouldn't anyone value those skills? Those are basically just good social skills.

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I don't think being a skilled dater means playing games and being seductive, although I guess it could for some people. I think some people know exactly where to go to find eligible partners, how to flirt subtly and make it clear that they are interested without going over the top, how to be open with people, etc. And why wouldn't anyone value those skills? Those are basically just good social skills.

 

 

What you describe is simply interpersonal skills..except for the subtle flirting..and subtle flirting is exactly my point about seduction techniques. There is a difference between kidding around and doing the clichéd subtle flirting strategies which are really not so subtle. Interpersonal skills are very important no matter whether it is dating or work interactions. As for knowing the right places to meet...I think most people who are looking for a relationship know all the "right" places...but just because you do all the right things and go to all the right places, doesn't mean you will have success.

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What you describe is simply interpersonal skills..except for the subtle flirting..and subtle flirting is exactly my point about seduction techniques. There is a difference between kidding around and doing the clichéd subtle flirting strategies which are really not so subtle. Interpersonal skills are very important no matter whether it is dating or work interactions. As for knowing the right places to meet...I think most people who are looking for a relationship know all the "right" places...but just because you do all the right things and go to all the right places, doesn't mean you will have success.

 

Not sure I get why flirting is negative, or a "seduction technique"? It isn't always to get someone into bed.

 

I also think that while doing the right things and going to the right places (not sure why right is in quotes, btw) may not guarantee success, it certainly makes the chances a lot greater.

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