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I need to sort myself out...


rock_is_dead
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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Hi all

I was with this girl from September 2007 to February 2009. For a quite long time we were a really good couple, loving each other a lot and being 100% honest to each other. Then, from July 2008 on we started going through some real s***t in our lives. Family, school (for her) and university (for me), friends...everything went bad. We desperately hung on to each other, but the more we did this the more we argued, had fights etc. because we couldn't find anywhere that bit of serenity you need to be in a relationship.

Last February we decided to break up, as we reckoned our love was going nowhere. The breaking up was something REALLY painful because we didn't really want to, though we seemingly had to. Her last words before turning away were "Thanks a lot G., I shall never forget what you did for me and what you meant to me".

After the break up, she went through some awfully hard times, going to a therapist, having panic attacks and so on. On May 2nd, we were at a party, and being both drunk we had a fight. The morning later she phoned me and said "Look I'm really sorry for yelling at you last night, I feel so bad I didn't even sleep tonight. The truth is I'm still in love with you and not being able to be together is really frustrating me, plus we were both drunk and we made all this mess. I'm really sorry"

On the 24th of May I head of an acquaintance of her dying in a car crash and phoned her. She explained me about the crash then I told her "listen B. I really don't want to bother you, so if you're with someone else tell me and we'll stop talking". She answered "I wanna be 100% honest with you, I've got to know a guy who probably likes me but I don't know if anything is ever gonna happen, maybe it'll take 1,2,3 months or never happen...".

 

I told her "Yeah I'd be just fine with that but I'd been told by you you were so down you didn't wanna date anyone, and that you loved me.." and she "yeah but my therapist helped me a lot, I'm a lot happier now and even school is going fine. You see, since the day we split up my goal was to live without you who were my impossible love. Now I'm lots more serene but I've become a totally different person than I was even three months ago, when we split up. I feel I can't seriously BE WITH anybody, I'm really a such a strange, "random", person now and, you se...if I were with you I would only hurt you because you used to know a really different B., and I really don't want to. You don't deserve to be with someone like me who is totally unfit to be in a serious relationship now. While I don't give a care about other guys, you are really important to me, even if I'm moving on now...".

 

Her words totally confused me. I'd always thought my life was far better without her than with her in the last months, and I wished she could make a new start in her life, but now that she's doing it I feel in a very strange way. I may be very mean and selfish, but I can't really accept the fact that she's doing it before I do. See, I've been really insecure with girls all my life and having someone who was deeply in love with me made me feel so well...now, even though I'm not sad, depressed and all, the tought of her going out with a guy makes me quite crazy...

 

ps: I'm sorry if my English is not perfect but I'm from Milan...

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A)

The truth is I'm still in love with you and not being able to be together is really frustrating me

 

B)

I feel I can't seriously BE WITH anybody, I'm really a such a strange, "random", person now and, you se...if I were with you I would only hurt you because you used to know a really different B., and I really don't want to.

 

C)

I've got to know a guy who probably likes me but I don't know if anything is ever gonna happen, maybe it'll take 1,2,3 months or never happen..

 

In the space of less than a month she went from A to B. Hmmm. I am not buying her assertion in B. I bet C) is more to the point. She met someone else, is interested in him and wants to see where it goes.

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A)

 

B)

 

C)

 

In the space of less than a month she went from A to B. Hmmm. I am not buying her assertion in B. I bet C) is more to the point. She met someone else, is interested in him and wants to see where it goes.

Maybe I wasn't very clear... after breaking up she always told me "B" when we broke NC, she told me "A" a day she was feeling really miserable and was very weak, she's admitted it and said it was a huge mistake because it screwed up that "moving on" process...

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She's obviously moving on, and time for you to let that go and move on yourself. Don't call, no texting, don't even Twitter ( * * * that is) and get your life in order so you'll be set to meet and love someone who doesn't give you a different idea everytime you talk to them.

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She's obviously moving on, and time for you to let that go and move on yourself. Don't call, no texting, don't even Twitter ( * * * that is) and get your life in order so you'll be set to meet and love someone who doesn't give you a different idea everytime you talk to them.

I don't think there's anything bad in changing her mind and moving on, as it is exactly the same thing I'm doing. I'd have no problem in dating someone else, maybe I would even have done it a week after the breakup. I also agree with her about the reasons why it can't work anymore between the two of us...having lots of mood swings myself, I don't really need someone who is just like me...

My problem is rather my ego than my heartbreak.

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And understandably so. But your ego should not be bruised, she seems to really be in this transitional everything-is-changing mode, so the fact that she went from "I love you and this is miserable" to "well there's this guy..." so quickly should so you that she's not ready for a steady and healthy relationship. Honestly. Ego in tact, she's not in a place that is healthy for the relationship you deserve now.

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And understandably so. But your ego should not be bruised, she seems to really be in this transitional everything-is-changing mode, so the fact that she went from "I love you and this is miserable" to "well there's this guy..." so quickly should so you that she's not ready for a steady and healthy relationship. Honestly. Ego in tact, she's not in a place that is healthy for the relationship you deserve now.

Ok, wait a minute. She didn't say "oh i love you so much my dear" for the first two months and so after the break up then change her mind at once.

Everytime we broke NC she made it clear that for my and her sake breaking up was the right thing, no matter how painful. She said that even when she told me she was still in love with me amid floods of tears...

I totally agree with you she's not what I need now, but that what she's always told me. She's always been 100% clear about that, and she's never played me along with the tought of getting back together...

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Ok, wait a minute. She didn't say "oh i love you so much my dear" for the first two months and so after the break up then change her mind at once.

Everytime we broke NC she made it clear that for my and her sake breaking up was the right thing, no matter how painful. She said that even when she told me she was still in love with me amid floods of tears...

I totally agree with you she's not what I need now, but that what she's always told me. She's always been 100% clear about that, and she's never played me along with the tought of getting back together...

 

Well, glad she is clear to you because I am very confused! At any rate, if you don't feel that upset about her moving on and you yourself are ready to move on, then I am not sure what the problem is. Both of you are over each other so that should be a time for rejoicing. Forget your ego.

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Well, glad she is clear to you because I am very confused! At any rate, if you don't feel that upset about her moving on and you yourself are ready to move on, then I am not sure what the problem is. Both of you are over each other so that should be a time for rejoicing. Forget your ego.

 

She's not 100% clear to me, but I reckon she's behaved like that because she's a very fragile person, not because she was playing games with me, and also because of certain cirumstances that made our relationship so important to both of us. I'm the only boyfriend she's had who didn't beat her, cheat on her then dump her for lame reasons via TM or IM; she's been my first GF; before being together we'd been close friends etc.

We didn't lose just "a bf/gf", but what we had considered for a lot of time to be our "basis" for a new, more serene life after years and years of suffering...

 

Ego is difficult to forget about when you're like me

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