Jump to content

I've Hurt Her


LBP

Recommended Posts

My mother has recently developed a serious cancerous growth, and I'm moving back to the United States in order to help during the long recovery process. This will involve me leaving a girlfriend for whom I care very much. Tonight, the evening after I received the worst possible news about my Mom, I approached the GF and told her that I would likely be gone by the weekend... And that I wasn't sure how we could sustain a relationship over so many thousands of miles. She wept and wept. It was heartbreaking.

 

I don't know what to do in order to help her deal with this. She looked so incredibly sad. I've had experience in this department and as such am able to deal with it emotionally. She is younger, and not so prepared. I want to help, but I don't want to feed her cliches. I want to be realistic.

 

Am I being too cynical? She had some words: "No matter what happens, I want us to be friends. I want that more than anything." She seems to think that I don't want her, but it isn't as simple as that. Distance can affect incredible changes. At least, this is what I've witnessed.

 

What should I be doing differently? How can I help her? What am I missing?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Is there any way she can come with you?

 

That seems like a terrible idea. He is going home to support his ill mother.

 

OP- I think it sounds like you have been trying to handle this in a sensitive way, and her reaction was most likely one of shock, since it happened so abruptly and you have to leave so soon. Hopefully when she has time to settle down and think about it, she won't be so hurt and you 2 can have another conversation about it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Does it have to spell the end of the relationship? I think if you two really want to be together then there can be ways around this. Are you planning to move back to where she is at some point?

 

It's hard.

 

She came by tonight and we had sex. no, I'm not planning on moving back to hers any time soon.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's hard.

 

She came by tonight and we had sex. no, I'm not planning on moving back to hers any time soon.

 

You could probably help a little by not having sex with her anymore. It will foster the bond she feels and make it even harder for her to let go. My opinion is that you have two choices, act like she's an important person in your life and find a way to take her with you or break up with her now and cease all contact so she can heal and find someone who will make her an important part of their life.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If you truly love her and don't want to break her heart do not call it "the end" why can't you keep in touch over the phone, IMs, emails and all of that until you see how things go with your mother? Maybe eventually, if you still felt things were going good with her she could move to where you are...there are options, but I can't help but feel you kinda want to end it...is that right?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think you're being a bit too harsh. You're not even giving the relationship a chance. You seem to be talking down about her saying she's too young to understand. You're talking about her like you're trying to protect a little sister from getting hurt in a relationship by being overly realistic. That's just what I got out of that. I just think that you sprung these things onto her pretty suddenly. I know that you just found out the news, but you went straight to the conclusion that you have to break up with your girlfriend?? You don't really seem all that sad about it. You seem to only be sad about making her feel bad. I may be wrong but that's how it seems. You didn't even think of other outcomes. Like...her moving with you? Or maybe trying long distance? You never know EXACTLY what is going to happen. You are just jumping to the worst without giving the relationship the least bit of chance. I just know that if I were her, I would feel unwanted as well.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think this relationship was not a very healthy one, going by the stories LBP has told us about it all along. I am not the least bit surprised that he has chosen to end it. I've always gotten the feeling he was just not that into her.

 

Excuse me for saying that, LBP. But it's my true feelings.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...