Jump to content

Is there any point to marriage?


Recommended Posts

I can't understand why I would do it if these were the things I was gaining

 

After a couple of years, she is going to come on enotalone and say something like "I find him gross now and the thought of touching him repulses me"

 

Custody battles

 

Giving away a huge percentage of my earnings and savings

 

Seems like a lot of trouble for nothing. Frankly it just scares me!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My boyfriend sort of has the same thought process that you have. He is watching his friends that are going through a divorce and the wife is taking them for everything, absolutely everything so his thought is..

 

why should I give up everything I worked for before the marriage, (pension and 401k) just because she is angry and wants to take it all.

 

All I can say is if you feel that strongly about it and have those negative thoughts sitting on the front of your mind, then perhaps staying single is best.

 

I'm sure there are lots of people that feel the same as you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Same here..the best thing you can do is get a pre-nup. Protect your money.

 

Well it's not about the money alone. The fact that a woman I love finds me disgusting and replusive makes me want to puke. Maybe that's what happens after a few years of being together.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well it's not about the money alone. The fact that a woman I love finds me disgusting and replusive makes me want to puke. Maybe that's what happens after a few years of being together.

 

Is this something that you are dealing with now or just fear this happening?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well it's not about the money alone. The fact that a woman I love finds me disgusting and replusive makes me want to puke. Maybe that's what happens after a few years of being together.

 

 

Sometimes I feel this way, and then other times I don't. I mean, I don't know how any human can live with another a lifetime and never feel repulsed or disgusted with something about them. Humans are so flawed, all of them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sometimes I feel this way, and then other times I don't. I mean, I don't know how any human can live with another a lifetime and never feel repulsed or disgusted with something about them. Humans are so flawed, all of them.

 

 

I'm not married but have been dating the same person for years. I find that there are times when I have a real intense love for him and then other times I find things about him irritating. I think this is just the way it goes. I have to remind myself often that I have many flaws myself!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I used to want to get married. I even used to want to marry my partner. But the more I watch everyone else, turn love in to hate. And try to ruin each other for as much as they get.

 

I'm scared that one day I'll be one of those people too. That I too, will try and take my partner for everything he's got and more.

 

I'm not even the type to do this. =/

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This may sound naive, but...

 

I plan to get married to my boyfriend because I would be proud to be able to call him my husband. I would be happy to be his partner in every respect of the word (and really, I already am), while being bonded to him in the form thought of as the most "weighty" and "serious" within our culture, so people know that hey, this is they guy that I AM spending the rest of my life with! I take marriage very seriously and do not view divorce as an option. There are so many people who go into marriage thinking "well, there's always divorce." I find that train of thought very disheartening. I also do not believe in "settling" for someone out of desperation for getting married. No wonder the divorce rate is so high! I am lucky that I have found the man who I want to marry. He's my best friend, my support and my love. I trust him and can depend on him, and he knows that I would go to the ends of the Earth for him. I know this sounds incredibly...lame... but it is my attempt to put my feelings down into words...and I am not sure they are meant for words, because they are beyond that.

 

Also, I think a lot of women (not to hate, but seriously) are REALLY desperate to get married and don't think about the future...just about the here and now...having their "big day" and their "big rock." It's disgusting. I for one am not getting an engagement ring and plan to have a wedding with just me, him and his best friend marrying us. Something very intimate...where we are the center of each other's attention. Isn't that how it's meant to be? Why do we have to put on such a show? It's so wasteful...but that's a whole different matter. I'd rather save that money for a house!

 

So anyway...in short...I still believe in marriage (strongly) but the flaws of humans get the best of them sometimes...what weakness is shown when two people cannot work together and make such contrived situations as to rob their ex-partner blind because they are peeved or whatever...really, really horrifying. I can see why most people would not want to get married...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's threads like this that give me hope...

 

 

Agreed, it's sad what the modern American family has become...

 

people can't seem to understand the idea of a lifelong commitment. Too busy tearing one another apart without trust and keeping the idea that "this is mine" and "that's yours" all throughout marriage will ultimately end in failure... every time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I guess i think this is two things. Do you find yourself gross or do you end up thinking other people are gross. I think sometimes your negative feelings can end up being looked at as thats how other people will treat you when you also treat them the same way. Thats kinda the whole thing with like attracts like. So your basically going to attract someone who is like you. I think myself included i sometimes want someone that is the best in my opinion for me but dont always see if im going to attract that type of person. I think thats when you need to deal with how hard it is to change and sometimes fear just makes you feel like its not worth it. I then look at everything else you wrote and that can be true if the relationship doesnt work out. It just goes with how life is alot about risk and reward. Its basically are you willing to put yourself in a position to where things could really end up being that bad but the trade-off is that unless you try you will never really know. It could be that you find a person that really clicks with you and things could end up being all worth it because now you are in a relationship that will last. I would just also say how its something you need to enjoy because you cant get into the mindset that it will last forever because nothing does. Thats why its important to enjoy it while its there.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I can't understand why I would do it if these were the things I was gaining

 

After a couple of years, she is going to come on enotalone and say something like "I find him gross now and the thought of touching him repulses me"

 

Custody battles

 

Giving away a huge percentage of my earnings and savings

 

Seems like a lot of trouble for nothing. Frankly it just scares me!

 

You get a very skewed perspective on discussion boards though. I mean there arent really discussion boards designed for people to come on and say "I'm so happy in my marriage, I love my H to bits, I feel grateful every day for him and our wonderful marriage - 20 years on" is there? It just wouldnt generate much traffic or interest.

 

People want to hear abotu and discuss problems that need resolving - hence that's the sort of posting that discussions forums attract.

 

Plus people usually feel a bit uncomfortable going on and on about their fantastic relationship (unless they are newly in a relationship of course). Like say your life is brilliantly good at the moment and your friend asks "so how are you lately?"

 

Are you going to waffle on about how happy you are and how blessed you are and how great you are treated by your partner - regardless of how this may be viewed as "rubbing it in" to your friend or "gloating" or having no consideration for the fact that their life might not be so good right now?

 

Just saying.. skewed perspectives. Don't judge marriages by what's written on discussion forums.

 

The success rate for first time marriages are about 60-70% and the divorce rate is declining. Now you can assume that even the "successes" are truly unhappy inside but why would you assume that, really?

 

Because of what people say here? How do you know the people here who are miserable arent going to end up in the 30-40% leaving the others perfectly happy and content in their marriages?

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...