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What's your position on drug use in dating?


NewPhillyGuy

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My position on drug use is very hard. I will not date someone if I find out they are actively doing drugs. This also includes pot. Was wondering what other people think about it?

 

Background is been seeing someone for 5 months, but it's getting more serious now. Early on, she told me she had smoked it last about year and a half ago, and had not done it since, so that was not a big deal for me.

 

While we were hanging out over this past weekend, we were at a comedy show and the comedian asked people to clap if they thought pot should be legal. When I saw her smiling and clapping, I was concerned, but did not say anything.

 

My brother has had major problems with drugs, and it pretty much ruined his life. He started off with pot, and went on to much harder drugs. When I was younger, he was smoking pot often, and I feel that it had a major impact on our family. He was aggressive, oftentimes violent. It affected his schooling, all of his relationships, and the family very deeply.

 

I have some concerns about this situation, so I want to bring it up to the girl. I do not believe that she's doing drugs right now, but I want to be sure about it before going any farther with her. I want to bring up that situation where she seemed to be OK with smoking, and ask her in a way that doesn't put her on the defensive. The honest answer though is if she tells me she's still doing it or ok with doing it in the future, I would tell her I would have to stop seeing her.

 

Any opinions, words of advice or experience to share?

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It's a deal breaker for you.

 

I don't see anything wrong with that. I think it's smart on your part to be vigilent and not get involved with someone who has that lifestyle choice before you get in too deep.

 

sorry I didn't offer any advice.....but many times...it's a cut and dry thing. Most people who drink/smoke or do anything else will rarely give it up for a loved one.

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I don't really care if people I know/friends smoke...but it's not for me and don't like dating someone who does.

 

I don't think it makes them a bad person, but to me, it's just unattractive.

 

She say's she hasn't done it in a year and a half, right? Just because she's ok with people doing it, doesn't mean she wants to do it again.

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So if a supermodel showed up with a 4ft bong, and wanted to smoke, you would walk the other way??

 

only thing i will put up with is weed.. and thats only if she has and can control her life without it...

 

ive seen girls that were alcholics lead more of a reckless life, then they once that smoked weed once in a while....

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So if a supermodel showed up with a 4ft bong, and wanted to smoke, you would walk the other way??

 

only thing i will put up with is a weed.. and thats only if she has and can control her life without it...

 

ive seen girls that were alcholics lead more of a reckless life, then they once that smoked weed once in a while....

 

i would do blow all over her body

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Some ppl dont think pot is a drug. I actually feel its safer than smoking cigs. So pot would be a little controversial. I, myself, dont care. However, if they have a problem with something I do, then it isnt going to work. Its a compatibility thing, I feel if one smokes and the other doesnt, it will create problems in the future. For instance, I know someone who would cut dates short just to go home and smoke. So it depends on the person and how bad they are. If its a deal breaker then thats your choice.

Thats crazy your bro got aggressive from smokin pot. Most ppl I know are pretty calm and relaxed. However, it effects ppl differently. I am not one of those ppl that think pot is a gateway drug. I know someone who smoked for 13 yrs and never got into bigger drugs. Maybe tried X or something but didnt get further than a few times. Some ppl use it as a method to help with depression etc. I personally feel it should be legalized myself.

 

If I met someone who did coke, heroin, or any other serious drugs (especially IV drugs for apparent reasons) that would be a dealbreaker for me.

 

I know someone who tells ppl she doesnt smoke when she does. So maybe shes clapping bc she does still smoke but doesnt want to tell you? Or she might be clapping just bc she agrees with it not bc she still does it.

 

My question to you, What if she said she does smoke but wants to quit. Would you stay with her or still leave?

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I know someone who tells ppl she doesnt smoke when she does. So maybe shes clapping bc she does still smoke but doesnt want to tell you? Or she might be clapping just bc she agrees with it not bc she still does it.

 

 

Or maybe she was clapping just to go along with the show. You won't really know until you have that talk with her.

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I'll date a guy who smokes pot, but I do occasionally as well so of course that's my stand on the whole dating thing.

 

OP, as far as the comedy club thing though, just because she smiled and clapped for the legalization of pot doesn't mean she uses it. I know TONS of people who would support the legalization of marijuana, yet never touch the stuff. I understand why you wouldn't date someone who actively uses drugs, but if she supports the idea of it becoming legal are you going to hold that against her?

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Alcohol is the REAL gateway drug.

 

Agreed. I personally believe that alcohol has worse physical and behavioral reprocussions than bud, but alcohol is more socially acceptable given the legality of it. Alcohol abuse falls under the same deal-breaking category as drugs for me (although a glass of wine or a beer here and there doesn't phase me).

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I won't date someone who uses. Not even smoking pot.

 

Same - I was ok with someone who had tried pot a few times in college or similar but after the early 20s, someone who still smoked, even occasionally was not someone I would consider dating. For one thing, I knew I wanted kids and the last thing I needed was someone with that stuff in their system and/or the effects of that stuff (and yes cigarette smoking was also a dealbreaker)..

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I will add, I think it's kind of an age thing. We all smoked pot and recreationally used drugs back in high school, college, and for a bit into our 20's - it wasn't a big deal, and wasn't impactful to our lives. You grow out of it, though, and I can't imagine dating a 35 or 40 year old guy who still smoked or did blow.

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Why do ppl have such a negative view of pot smokers? Not all of them are dumb or losers. I know ppl who make straight As and go to work everyday. Oh well, to each their own I guess.

 

and i know a guy who quit a great Civil Service job because he refused to take the drug test because he couldn't pass....they offered to pay for his rehab....he refused. Now he is barely making it.

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