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My feelings for him are disrupting my decision making for the future

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In 10 days time it will be 9 months since my ex and I split.


It has now come time for me to make some serious life decisions. Someone who i had a past relationship with has come back into my life and we've been talking and trying to make things work between us.


While i love this man i am not in love with him as i am still very much in love with my ex.

The opportunity of a life time has now come along (and a dream come true). Ive been offered a very good paying job and a chance to purchase a once in a life time dream home. Having all this means moving very far away from where i now live.


The place is secluded and far from everyone and everything. This means no chance of ever seeing my ex again. Then there's the issue of the man from my past coming back into my life, he wants a life with me, he is perfect in many ways but i cant seem to get past my feelings for my ex.


Last night it was all laid out in front of me. My dream job, my dream home and all the trimmings but somehow it doesnt mean anything now without my ex.


I am stuck and i cant move forward. I am thinking of making contact with my ex for the last time to at least see if we can resolve anything before i make a decision into the future.


I dont know what to do.

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Hum, that's a hard one. Personally, a dream job for me wouldn't isolate me so much no home or career is ideal without a family to go along with it. I don't know your story but if it's been 9 months that's a pretty significant amount of time. I guess if your ex isn't showing sighs of coming back and you aren't passionate about this new man in your life then I would follow your dreams.


Tough one, good luck...

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I know your story very well.

Concerning this job opportunity and purchasing a new home, if its something you really want for yourself and only yourself you should definitely go for it. Because really as hard as it is to realise - its just you deciding for you, it is your life. Your ex has been gone for 9 months. There really is no logic in taking into consideration future possiblities with this guy. Also with the guy that has just returned to your life.

I've learnt that in life, we have to make plans and decisions for ourselves as long as its just us. The rest just falls into place if we stay positive and open to new things.

If you feel you want to try again with this guy who you think is pefect in a lot of ways, you'll find away to work it out regardless of the major decisions that are to be made (only by you!). Its the same with the other guy, if he will want you back in his life - he will find a way to make it happen. But, lilstar, from what I've been reading in the past 9 months, he's no good for you anyway, you chose to walk away for a reason. Since then you've been just looking back and waiting for him to follow you.

It is time to look forward, not back, with your head held high. You can make great things happen right now, you can change your reality and you might thank your luck stars for it in the future. Well, you definitely will if you make the decisions for you, for making your life what you want to make of them. Its a short life. Do not wait for anyone to chose if they want to join you on your journey, who ever should be there - will be there. You need to concentrate on you and let go of the past. Things always work out as long as we try to do right for ourselves.

Its time to live, for you, make amazing things happen for you.

I am waiting for a post from you announcing how happy you are and how much better you life is!

Good luck

Big hug

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One thing I have learned over the years, and over many moves, is that it's my responsbility to create happiness for myself. Whenever I am not true to my feelings, I end up miserable. I've done things for guys before and it backfired because I ended up resenting them instead of liking them, because I "gave up so much for him". But it was all my decision.


Figure out what it is you want most, and what you are willing to give up to get it, and then go for it. Don't look back, just look forward whichever way you go.

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Actually this might be the thing you need.


Right now, you want him and *feel* like you have a relationship with him (your ex), but you really don't. You are hanging around and making decisions as if he were a guiding principle in your life, but he really isn't. He's just a memory and a fantasy and a hope at this point, but is not really a part of your life anymore.


So you need to align your thinking/actions with the reality of the situation, which is he is an ex and you have no future with him. Your future lies elsewhere, with someone else, so you should be making all your decisions without reference to him. He is certainly not making decisions based on you.


So what would you do if the ex were not in the picture? (which honestly, he really isn't though you'd like him to be). Just factor him out of the decision, because he is just a fantasy at this point (and an obsession).


Leaving and getting a new life might jump you out of the groove of obsession you are in about him. You need your own life and to continue your own life rather than hanging onto the past.


If you need to, ask him one last time if he wants to try to be together. If he says no, then move.

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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You


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