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DakotaSkye

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I know this isn't abnormal, but I'm just venting, so bear with me.

 

I feel so stuck. So trapped within things that I just have no motivation/time/energy/enthusiasm to do anything outside of what I HAVE to do.

 

Yes, I have a job. A great job, by today's standards...but it's not what I want to be doing. I'm the youngest one in the office and I can already see myself becoming like my co-workers. That's not entirely bad, but I can tell in their faces and their voices that they aren't happy with the same routine, day after day in HR. And I wouldn't be either.

 

Yes, I have a boyfriend... but I find myself not being able to devote the energy into making it work like I used to. Maybe it's because I know it WON'T work, despite what he thinks. After 3 1/2 years, I know it's over, but I don't even have the energy required to end it. All I can express is apathy, despite my best efforts.

 

I don't know if it's depression or anxiety or if I'm just plain tired of everything, but it's like no matter what my mind is telling me to do, my body just won't do it. And then I feel worse the next day because I got absolutely NOTHING done the night before. And it should be things that I love to do. Right now, I'm working on commissions for my artwork, but I haven't been able to motivate myself to do any of it lately, no matter how hard my mind berates me.

 

Most of the time, I just don't care. And that's a dangerous tight rope to walk on because it could severely impact everything in my life. My job, my family, my boyfriend, my art business...

 

I didn't really worry about it before because I thought I was just tired of the boring things in life and the fact that nothing changed. And maybe that is it, but I've found lately that I'm no longer looking forward to my once-weekly outing with my best friend. It used to be that I lived for Thursday nights, the one day I could do whatever I wanted. But maybe that's become too routine, too. I dunno.

 

I'm just tired. I'm incredibly tired. Many days I can't get out of bed, I can't even get out of my chair at work. I can't focus, I can't do my art, and feeling this way has made everything worse. I slept for 12 1/2 hours on Saturday and I was STILL tired when I woke up. And then I felt awful because I wasted the entire day.

 

I just need to get out of this slump, or whatever it is. Many days I think, "I hate my life." And then I think about it and say, "What is there to hate?" There isn't anything. At least nothing I shouldn't be able to handle.

 

I dunno, I'm sorry. Maybe I just reached a point where I stopped trying to be happy. Maybe this is the way I'm meant to be and I'd be better off embracing it instead of fighting it.

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Hey there, yeahh sounds like ur pretty depressed hun and the thing about that is that its indiscriminate... u could have a great life, an enviable life a wonderful everything and still cop this useless and annoying feeling of hopelessness and despair, of course most common & to be expected in ppl that have experience traumatic things but u know... its not exclusive or a-typified. sounds like u dont understand why u even feel that way and i know thats pretty confusing.

 

Thing is maybe ur just bored, u've changed, u've grown a little and yet ur life is still the same and u need something more now? one thing that is always recommended is good old fashioned exercise - maybe u should join a gym or something and get those endorphins going. if u want to just kick back and ALLOW urself to be miserable then whats to say ur not going to just get stuck there and stuck with thoe thought patterns and behaviours?

 

I think u just need a holiday darls, go somewhere beautiful and tropical or something, if u've got a great job then u should be able to afford it... mix things up a little so u have something to think about, talk about and get excited about.

 

cheers,

Reese

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maybe u need motivation to do things. probly get a book... any kinds of book that keeps u thinking. probly out of the box. art business sounds cool.. art is free and it means u can do anything to get inspiration from. hv a good time with friends talking about nothing helps too it can help u wander off and u mite end up getting a new idea of doing sumting new in whatever that ur doing in life. music can helps too. life's got a lot to give. altho its sucha * * * * * .

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I'm going through exactly the same thing, but I know the reason for my lack of interest in life is because I'm trying to recover from a very messed up relationship.

 

The only way to get out of a rut is to do something different. In your case, I think there's something you need to do. Get out of your relationship with your boyfriend. I know you lack the energy to make it work, which is entirely your choice, but spare him. Let him move on.

 

Perhaps you acting on one facet of your life can energize the other parts of your life.

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First of all, I agree with all of your advice.

 

I decided to go for a run last night and, though it took ALL of my will power, I did feel better afterwards. Maybe it was because of the endorphins, maybe it was the fresh air, or maybe it was because I actually got out and did something last night. Or a combination of all three. But when I got in the shower, I started thinking, "Why was it so difficult for me to get the motivation?" It only took an hour to do, an hour of my life I would have otherwise spent sitting on the couch with my laptop.

 

But even though I feel better, I'm still having a difficult time finding something to look forward to. And I'm sure a lot of my feelings stem from my failing/failed relationship. It's really difficult to be excited about hanging out with my friends when I'm feeling guilty because I'm not spending time with him. It's difficult to get home from work every day and know that I only have a limited amount of time to get things done because he'll call and expect me to see him. It's difficult to spend time with him, doing absolutely nothing, then go to bed (usually later than I'd like) and know that tomorrow is going to be exactly the same as today.

 

Sometimes I think... there's nothing wrong with this relationship. We don't get along all the time, we don't usually have fun together, but I thought that was normal. We're just.. complacent, really. Actually, when I asked him why he just doesn't seem to care when I'm upset or if something I do bothers him, he says he's "used to it." I don't want him to be "used to me." I want him to love the little things about me, but maybe I'm asking too much.

 

I think being in this relationship really is a huge part of why I'm feeling this way. Just getting the strength to do something about it, that's the big problem. It's not like I haven't tried before. Just the fact that this is the third time we've gotten back together shows that I've tried. And most of the time, I've tried to show him it just isn't going to work. But he won't listen to me. To ignore him and pretend like I don't care, which is what I need to do to get out of it because he won't listen to me otherwise, takes an incredible amount of energy. And it's incredibly painful to do.

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First of all, I agree with all of your advice.

 

I think being in this relationship really is a huge part of why I'm feeling this way. Just getting the strength to do something about it, that's the big problem.

 

Is this about getting the STRENGTH to do something about it or getting the COURAGE to do something about it?

 

It sounds like this relationship is definitely holding you back. Forgive me if this sounds incredibly blunt, but your description makes the relationship sound more like a chore than something fun, loving, and exciting. Getting the oil changed is a chore. Paying bills is a chore. Spending time with your SO should be something that you look forward to. I worked with my EX, and every morning, I practically jumped out of bed to rush into work to see her.

 

You mention something about breaking up and getting back together several times. Can you provide a little context behind that? Is it something you initiated, but couldn't follow through with it?

 

It sounds like you know on some level that your relationship is the cause of what you're going through. If this relationship is draining your reservoir of emotional energy, it's no surprise you have nothing left for other aspects of your life.

 

I find it interesting that you use the phrase "failing/failed" to describe your relationship. Try to figure out which one it is first. If it's failing, do you want to do anything about it? If it's failed, then you need to end it. It may be hard to do, but continuing like this is just prolonging the pain.

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I'm just tired. I'm incredibly tired. Many days I can't get out of bed, I can't even get out of my chair at work. I can't focus, I can't do my art, and feeling this way has made everything worse. I slept for 12 1/2 hours on Saturday and I was STILL tired when I woke up. And then I felt awful because I wasted the entire day.

 

Sounds like you may be suffering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome as you've just described the basic symptoms. This may explain why you feel apathy when there's apparently not much wrong

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