making up/friends with the ex...again--should I bother?

[wazza]

Ok, long story short, after being broken up for a month my ex and i started seeing eachother again but not officially (so no obligations), then after another month it had to come to an end, then we spent about a week as friends, then at the end of that week she instigated a fight without realizing it and in the end i said some mean things to her (which is her fault, and I still believe that) and for the past three weeks (since that fight) she won't respond to my texts or emails.

 

Note regarding texts/emails: the day after the fight I called her and told her I don't want the fight to be the end of our friendship. Then about a week later I texted her asking her how her summer break was going. When she didn't respond I explained to her through another text that I wasn't asking her to let me into her life as a best friend or something, or as a lover. just as a friend. and that if she didn't respond I'd get the message. This past weekend I felt like being nice and emailed her some songs I was gonna send her before the fight, and said some nice things and gave her information about some of our favorite artists' new cds. I really just wanted to send it to her to feel nice about something.

 

 

Now I am still upset that I haven't heard back from her, and upset that a fight so stupid could end a potentially great friendship. And I do miss her a lot but I don't believe I want more from her than just being a friend, and not even the kind you see and talk to every day. Even though she can be a real pain sometimes she's a great girl, and I'm not the kind of person that will let someone special or respectable just disappear from my life.

 

I want to email her explaining exactly where I came from with my mean words, and try to make up for that fight. I feel like she has it in her head that I'm entirely to blame and that she did nothing wrong but I know that we both were on the same level in terms of being disrespectful towards eachother. I know she's only ignoring me because of the fight we had.

 

I don't want to be that obsessive, invasive ex that can't seem to get a hint. I got the hint, and I accept it, but I don't feel ready to let this go. I know I'm not creepy or psychotic. I'm just the kind of guy that fights for the things he wants. I'm not sure if this will be my last email if she ignores me again, but the thoughts about that fight, and the misunderstandings, and how they ruined our relationship keep playing in my head and I feel like they're no use being kept to myself.

 

Should I email her my feelings about the fight and my wanting us to have some kind of friendship or peace and hope that she responds, or should I spare myself the embarrassment and spare her further irritation and just let time heal my feeling of loss.

[waveseer]

Leave her alone, that's my advice.

[R41N]

You are obviously not over her, I know unconsciously u still want something more than just a friendship. You care for her, yes? You have continuously sent her text messages and emails despite her unresponsiveness, right? Now, you are also upset because she's not responding, and you know that.

 

Let me remind you, if a little fight or argument has already developed to a seemingly dead-end relationship like yours then what would you expect in the near future?

Now, I know you are a very caring person and I've been in similar situation so I understand your current state of emotion.

 

However, the best thing to do right now is to give her space. The more you are trying to connect with her, the more defensive action she's going to take. In your case, she will continue to ignore. Now if I am understanding correctly, she's a bit stubborn, the best way to deal with that is again, give her time to think, and to cool down. Let her come to you when she's ready to. If you continue to message her, it could certainly come off as annoying and it may drive her further away.

 

If you specifically email her your feelings about the fight, it will only bring back "bad" memories. Why would you want to do that? The best thing to do, especially if the fight rooted from something that's not that big of a deal is to drop it and forget it. No more confrontation and just move on. In time, this problem will eventually melt away itself and if she contacts you, then great; if that is what you want. But keep in mind that if this happened once, it may happen again.

 

What I mean by that is you should have no expectations when you are friends with ur ex. If you can do that, maybe your friendship will last.

 

Best wishes.

[veneratio]

You sound like me in regards to fighting for what you believe in and not believing in cutting ties. That's a rare breed here.

 

Your best bet is to leave her alone and give her some space. When you yourself feel smothered, what's your first instinct? To flee. Put yourself in her shoes. Give her time and try again in a couple months. Also give yourself some time. Don't play the "blame game", it takes two to tango as cliche as that sounds, but it's true.

 

Good luck.