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I've had good days and bad days lately. They seem to alternate. Day-before-yesterday was a bad day, yesterday was a good day, today is a bad day.

 

It's on these bad days that I get down on myself for not being myself. I usually act in the way that I think I should. Lately, I haven't been contacting my ex-fiancee for any reason other than those that are required (final rent charges, exchanging stuff, etc.) I've been doing this because the NC thing sounded like a plan. I want her back in the worst way, but she has to be the one to come back. If I don't give her a chance to miss me, then why would she come back? It makes sense.

 

But the thing is, it's not me. There's a problem here, and I'm not doing everything I can to fix it. There was no big event that led up to our breakup, neither of us did the other one wrong... but we were in love completely. That love, however, is what she claimed kept her from dealing with her problems (depression, self-esteem issues). So yes, time apart would be good for her, and gives me a chance to set a firmer financial foundation.

 

Thing is, we don't talk because of this NC. She's claimed that she can't promise me we'll get back together, because she'd end up solving her problems to get back to me instead of helping herself. She needs that self-esteem boost, and I understand that. But here we are, treating each other like something terrible happened, when nothing did! I think I should be talking to her, helping her to make sense of the emotion-salad in her head, and getting my feelings lined out at the same time. But then, that's breaking NC, and she may completely reject me if I come accross as needy or co-dependent. Really, I just miss my friend, and I want to do everything I can to help her, while easing my pain at the same time.

 

I want to get past this point in my life. I'm in limbo, just waiting. I feel like if I move on (how to do that is still a mystery), then I'm pretending I didn't really love her. If I wait, I'm prolonging this agony that connects me to her.

 

I'm really considering just saying to hell with NC, writing her every time I feel I want to, and seeing what comes of that. I'd rather her reject me for being who I am than reject me for playing some mind game and pretending I don't care. The latter would lead to regret.

 

If I do break NC, though, it might make it easier for her to move on because she'll have the comfort of knowing exactly what I'm going through. I don't want that... I want her to realize what she's lost, and NC seems like the best way to do that... but it's a lie. It's not who I am.

 

I figure if she just completely loses interest in me for contacting her alot, then at least I can say I tried and it will be easier to move on.

 

Obviously I'm very confused and conflicted. Any thoughts?

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I'm kind of in the same boat. My Ex and I broke up cause he said he's not a happy person and can barely deal with his * * * * even though he also said he's in love with me and wants to be with me.

 

What I did was write him a letter telling him how I felt about him and how things could be and what he could do if he chooses. Now it's up to him. I feel better about sending the letter cause then he can't say he never knew how I felt.

 

You need to move on and so do I - that doesn't mean you have to stop loving them - moving on means getting your own life. You don't have to date or even think of someone else but get yourself healthy. If she comes back you want to be strong and healthy for you mainly but her as well because if she gets better and you are still in the same place - it won't work. Try to make yourself happy because you can't control what she does or how she handles her situation.

 

You can tell her how you feel but I think doing it all the time will only push her away - she needs to solve her issues and get better and you need to stay healthy and just know in time that she might come back.

 

I know it's hard cause you want a time line or to hear once I get A, B, and C done we can be together and be happy but it doesn't work that way. Trust me, I know. I just got an email from my Ex today that says, "I don't deserve you." so I wrote him all my feelings and know I have to leave it at that cause you can't make anyone do what they don't want to do on their own.

 

Hang in there and try to take care of yourself. I always watch the blooper real of my favorite comedy dvd when my mind starts to "go there".

 

Also NC isn't a mind game it's to give you and she space to heal. You are both hurt but you need to take care of yourself, constantly contacting her and getting the same answer just puts you back in a whirlwind of unwanted emotions. NC gives you the distance to try and calm those emotions and get a clear head and a healthy heart - some may use it as a game but I DO NOT and I believe right now it's the only thing that keeps me from crying constantly and pushing my ex away.

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Sorry to hear you're going through the same twisted carnival ride. And you're right, I want something absolute to point to that will get me through this. I want to be able to solve the problems and fix the situation. But it's not just me. It has been for so long because she was pretty much incapable of taking care of herself (drunk driving, self-mutilation, depression about 75% of the time). But now she's got her mind set on fixing these problems for herself, which will give her that self-esteem back. So I can do my part, but I can't fix it all myself.

 

I think I will do what you suggested. I've written several messages in the first two weeks of the break up that said "last time I'm writing" or something to that effect. This one really will be the last one, I think, but I can't make any promises. Who knows what thoughts and ideas will pop into my head next week?

 

It will have to wait, though. I'd rather not send it right away, because next weekend we're meeting up to exchange some things we have of each others' from the move. I don't want to make that any more uncomfortable than it has to be. So perhaps if I can hold off until after that happens I'll be able to send the message. I think that will also give me time to fine-tune it so that it says what I want to say, and gives me that chance to add things that i might not think to add in one sitting.

 

Thanks for the response, peterson. And good luck with your situation as well... you've got someone rooting for you from the same spot.

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So here's a rough draft of what I want to send:

---------------------------------------------------

 

I haven't been contacting you with how I've been feeling. And you haven't contacted me. But that's the way you always were- you never wanted to burden anyone else with your problems. Even if it was me, and even if I was up to it.

 

I've been attempting to cut off contact with you except when it's necessary. I think I've done okay. The thing is, we both know that's not who I am. If there's a problem, I need to fix it. If I feel a certain way, I tell you. I've always been big on honesty, and keeping how I'm feeling from you doesn't feel honest.

 

I hope you didn't stop reading there, because this is important. I want this to be the last time I contact you about anything emotional. I can't make any promises, but I want to.

 

When we talked a few weeks back, I got the information that I needed to understand the whole thing. I understood why we couldn't be together. It made perfect sense: you would not fix yourself for yourself if we made a promise to get back together afterward- you would do it for me. Just like you stopped drinking and driving for me, and stopped cutting for me.

 

I want you to do this for yourself. I'm still behind you 100%, regardless of whether or not you want me to just forget about you and move on or not. I didn't believe you when you said "I don't want to be with you anymore" and I still don't. Nothing changed, other than you had a realization about doing something for yourself. I didn't do anything to make you leave, and even though you claim to have altered your feelings for me, you can't successfully fool yourself into believing you don't love me anymore if you truly did love me. And I know you did. Nothing happened that would change that. So I see what you said as you attempting to get me to hold something against you in hopes that it will make it easier for me to move on. It's noble, but we both know it isn't true.

 

Our love wasn't unhealthy. We had a positive, nurturing, wonderful relationship based on an incredible appreciation and respect for one another. We had problems, but they were individual problems, not something we could blame each other for. The love was comfortable, happy, and real... which made it a good place to hide from everything.

 

I think we both realize now that we can't hide anymore. We're exposed, and so are our problems. We have to fix those problems in order to move forward. We're no good for ourselves or anybody else in our current states. And because we've realized these things, we also realize that our relationship wasn't at fault. It was all in how we chose to use it. You used it as a foundation in place of yourself to fight your depression and self-esteem issues, and I used it to hide from the financial mess that I'd gotten myself into so many years earlier. We made those mistakes. If we don't learn from those

 

mistakes, then we've accomplished nothing.

 

Part of that learning, however, is to realize where the blame falls. It falls on us as individuals, not us as a couple. We were right to support one another, but wrong to allow one another to take advantage of that support, to cower behind it as we did. I've learned that lesson. Being without you has shown me what I had grown so dependent on, and had hidden behind for so long.

 

We even manifested it physically. Remember the bubble? If that isn't the case-in-point, I don't know what is. We crawled under the blanket and hid together away from the world, enveloped in love and passion for one another as if that's all we needed.

 

But it wasn't all we needed. We needed to be whole and healthy individuals. We needed to face our problems. And now we are.

 

So this is what can be, if you want it as I do:

 

We can be together. We can re-assume that role of best friend and confidant. We can profess to one another once more how much we're in love. And it can be okay. It can work because we've learned what not to do. We can't hide behind it. We can't let that be enough. We have to be individuals first, and lovers second.

 

I can't let your love be a reason to be lax in my struggle to get back on my feet. And you can't let my love be the reason to fight your depression. We can't hide, and now I don't think we would be. We tried that before and failed. What we can do is be there for each other, talk to one another, and confide in one another. We can set new boundaries, new rules, and keep one another in check throughout this turbulent time in both of our lives. We can go through this knowing that we have someone to lean on who understands us like no one else does.

 

This is how things can be if you choose to give it a chance.

 

Like I said, I want this to be the last message I send you about our relationship. I've come to terms with how I want things to be, and I want you to know how I feel. I feel that we can make it work now. We had the cover torn off of us and we have no choice now but to face the problems we have. I'd much rather face them with us supporting one another than I would alone.

 

Know that no matter what happens, I will be able to keep my composure next weekend when we meet to exchange stuff. I don't want to put that off any longer. I'll just follow your lead. I'll want to hug you and tell you everything will be alright. But if you don't want that, I won't.

 

Our relationship took off because you gave me a chance. Please don't let it end for good by refusing this time.

 

Yours,

Chewy

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Thanks Chewy,

 

Another thing that helped me is that I write every day. I have a journal and just write my feelings or whatever is on my mind (lately everything I want to say to him) but I don't send them to him because my feelings go up and down and all sorts of ways that I want to wait til I feel calm in my mind and then if I want to send them to him I can but I don't have to - at least I have them written down.

 

I don't know - it's tough and I wish I knew the answer but I know what I have to do for my self and I will just wait and see. I am still in love with my Ex as he is with me but he has to fix him self for him self and I can't make him do anything - though I wish I could.

 

Be strong and if you need to just get something out write it to me, or on here or in a journal.

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Hi Chewy,

 

Your letter to your ex is heartbreaking and hits home for me because I'm going through the same thing with my ex. I wanted to help him with his issues, to be there for him through everything but in the end, he needs to help himself. I wanted to "fix" everything but I now realize that I can't do anything about it. As much as he said he loved me, it wasn't enough for him. He is going down this destructive path and as much as I can't stand to watch him do it and know he can do so much better for himself, I have to take a step back and let him do it.

 

You have to do the same Chewy. I am also that that stage where it feels like I'm in limbo - we just move on with life but deep down it seems like we are still waiting for them. Waiting for them to finally pull the plug. I haven't spoken to my ex in 3 weeks, he just cut off completely but said he needs time before he can talk to me again. For me, that makes it worse because now it's like I'm waiting for the day he contacts me...

 

I understand how you feel about doing NC or breaking it. We want them to miss us and realize what they've lost but at the same time, to tell them constantly how we feel won't change the situation. As much as it sucks, it's all up to them as to when they will contact us as they are the ones that broke up with us in the first place.

 

We all still love our exes and we all want to wave this magic wand to make them all better again.... if life were like that!

 

Just know that there are heaps of us out here going through the same thing - we just need to support and prop each other up when we feel this down.

 

If you ever feel the need to vent, you can always PM me

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I was in the same boat as you guys. The ex had some issues he needed to work out on his own, because he felt like he couldn't do it within our relationship. Marton is right, it's their issue to fix, not ours. As much as I tried to help him, as much as I tried to fix things for him, none of it worked. He needs to fix it himself. At the end of it, if he still loves me, he will come back. Although right now, I'm at the stage, where I'm pretty sure I don't want him back anymore. It's not that I don't love him anymore, because I do desperately. I just know that I cannot be with someone who runs at the first signs of trouble. A couple should be able to solve problems together. They shouldn't need to be apart to do it. We should know that we deserve better than people like this. Let go and move on. As much as I know you guys don't want to hear it, that's the only thing we all can do.

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Everything you said holds true for me as well. I'm also keeping a journal. It was an every day thing, but I had a few good days in a row last week and haven't written in it every day since then, only when I feel down about it.

 

I turned it into a blog, but no one seems to have visited. Ah well.

 

You hit the nail on the head when you said he has to fix himself for himself. That's exactly what she's doing, and the promise of us getting back together would halt that and she would just start doing everything for me again.

 

And thanks for the offer, I might take you up on that. I can't get any instant messengers to work at the moment, but if you want to e-mail, just IM me on here and we can trade addresses.

 

Thanks again, peterson. It really helps to know that someone else understands what I'm going through, right down to the smallest detail.

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Wow. I'd reply to this, but you can pretty much read my response to peterson above, as they'd be pretty much the same thing. Crazy to know how common this issue is.

 

And absolutely, Marton, you can IM me here, or we can trade e-mails as well. Anything to help out someone else in this insane situation. Thanks for your reply.

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A couple should be able to solve problems together. They shouldn't need to be apart to do it.

 

I feel the same way. I'm sure she will, too, once she gets her head on a little straighter. I feel like our relationship is being sacrificed for nothing. It wasn't the relationship that was the problem, it was just us as individuals. If we can solve those problems, and support one another while doing that, there's no reason it can't work.

 

We should know that we deserve better than people like this. Let go and move on. As much as I know you guys don't want to hear it, that's the only thing we all can do.

 

See, as much as I want to blame her for all of this, I can't. She suffers from clinical depression and low self-esteem. These are chemical imbalances in her brain that cause her to do things she wouldn't do if things were normal.

 

If she ran at the first sign of trouble, we'd have had a very short relationship, indeed. Maybe a month or two.

 

But thanks for the sobering response, Efferescent. Your advice is good advice, even if I'm not sure I'm ready to take it.

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I suffered from clinical depression as well as post traumatic stress syndrome, while I was in the relationship with my ex. I managed to work out my issues, while still in the relationship. However, when he started having problems with himself, he bailed on the relationship, because he felt like the relationship was "holding him back". He felt "too happy" in our relationship to force himself to change for the better. At least that's what he said.

 

Personal problems are only personal, when they affect one person. When the personal problem starts affecting the relationship, it becomes a relationship problem and the couple must overcome it together. If it's not fixed, then the relationship must end. It's simple as that. My ex couldn't fix his own problems, so he felt he couldn't be in a relationship anymore. What I've learned from this is your partner must be happy with themselves first, before they can be happy with you.

 

Also, keep in mind that once your partner gets out of depression, they're not the same person anymore. Be prepared for feelings and personalities to change. That's why I'm suggesting you move on (and I know you're not ready), because she may not want to get back with you after she's done changing.

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I could have written your later, Chewy, though yours is so much better written. It expresses exactly what happened with my ex and me as well. When we broke up, I tried to express a similar sentiment, but he did not want to hear it. He said he'd only get more upset. I told him that the relationship itself wasn't the problem, it was us as individuals. He didn't want to hear it. He was so gung-ho on sticking to his decision to end it. But he told me what your ex did: that he loved me. He said he still wanted to marry me. He was also depressed and wanted to be able to find himself and what he needed. He thought we were holding each other back.

 

He also told me not to have "false hope."

 

You know, it's been 4.5 months after the break-up and part of me wonders if this was an excuse because he no longer wanted to be with me anymore. I believed his reasons at the time...he seemed so sincere. He acted like this was very hard and he didn't want to break up, but "needed" to.

 

But if he really loved me, why would he say not to have "false hope?" Is my hope in our relationship really false?

 

I know it's a really hard pill to swallow...but do you guys ever wonder if those are the only reasons they dumped us (not feeling emotionally stable)? I do think that is a big part of it, but I just don't see why they wouldn't want to work out their issues and then be with us....or stay together and get therapy.

 

Do you guys see something fishy or is it just me? As much as I always wanted to trust my ex fiance...and he never gave me a reason not to...a part of me thinks he used this as a convenient excuse because he'd like to see what else is out there. He swore he didn't want anyone else, and as far as I know he is still single. But I wonder if he was interested in someone and it didn't come to fruition...or if he hopes to have fun with the guys. I don't know. I guess after all this time of him not seeming to care if we're in contact or not has me kind of paranoid. I wonder if he, once again, just tried to be the "nice guy" (he could never stand anyone hating him) by telling me he wanted to be friends (even though he was crynig his eyes out).

 

I know these folks are depressed...I'm not downplaying it...but there are plenty of depressed people who don't leave a relationship. What made them leave? Part of me says they don't love us, but that's me being a pessimist right now.

 

Chewy, I just want to warn you...that letter is the closest thing to my relationship as I've seen on this forum so far...and I want to give you a warning. I don't know your ex and if she's like mine, but mine did NOT want to respond when I started talking lot that. I started saying these things on the phone right after the break-up and he became upset and didn't want to hear me out. He said he was going to break down.

 

I honestly think the best thing is NC. They want to be away from us or else they wouldn't have broken up, right? If they wanted to be in contact, would they have left? Wouldn't they contact us?

 

It hurts to feel so unwanted by someone we love, but personally, I feel even more unwanted when I know my words will make no difference to him and may push him further away.

 

All of our exes are different but our situations seem strikingly the same!

 

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...because she may not want to get back with you after she's done changing.

 

I've often entertained that very thought. Honestly, that would be easier for me to take than her not wanting to be with me in her current state. I'm really not sure why. I suppose it's because she professed her love for me daily while we were together, and always in such grand and unmistakable ways. For that to be so suddenly stifled is part of what's making this so hard.

 

And yes, you're absolutely right. We could not solve our problems while in the relationship. However, there is a difference between a break and a breakUP. I think a break would allow us to do the things we need to do, and it would avoid destroying the relationship. That's mainly what I'm advocating, because we couldn't be together right now if we wanted to. We lost everything when she left, and we're both living back at home with our parents.

 

Man, is that humiliating.

 

I hope I'm not seeming to take issue with your replies, Effervescent, because I'm not intending to. It's just very difficult for me to get a handle on exactly what I'm feeling right now, and sometimes it takes me typing pages of text to get to a one-line point.

 

But I completely agree with you that we both must be happy with ourselves before we can be happy together. But, since it's impossible for us to be together in any sense but the emotional one at the moment, I see no harm in continuing to be exclusive, supporting one another, and looking forward to the day when we can begin our life together once again.

 

Yeah, I can see I'm being a little irrational. Definitely need to think on this some more. Thank you again, Effervescent.

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However, when he started having problems with himself, he bailed on the relationship, because he felt like the relationship was "holding him back". He felt "too happy" in our relationship to force himself to change for the better. At least that's what he said.

 

Also, keep in mind that once your partner gets out of depression, they're not the same person anymore. Be prepared for feelings and personalities to change. That's why I'm suggesting you move on (and I know you're not ready), because she may not want to get back with you after she's done changing.

 

Effervescent, this is painfully, painfully true. My ex said the exact same thing: he felt like we were too comfortable, too dependent on each other to take risks and change ourselves for the better. He was speaking mostly for HIMSELF, but wanted me to "do what I want" too. The thing is, he IS what I want and I told him. We were engaged, so I *thought* we wanted the same thing! That's what he said, anyway. That's what he ALWAYS said!

 

I think what you say about them changing personalities is true and it makes me sad. My ex is going to associate me with the depression and he's going to associate his new changes without me. So every time he probably thinks of me, he will think of a bad time in his life. Why would he want to go back to me? He'll figure he's all good now so he can get anyone he wants, even if I also make changes.

 

It just hurts because I don't think our problem was a relationship problem that couldn't have been fixed. I agree that the individual problems created a relationship problem, but with good communication and understanding, I know something could have been worked out. I would have even been willing to give him space if he wanted to travel, etc. But he didn't give me an option. He made this decision by himself and didn't even ask me if I would be willing to work together. That's what couples do, right? Especially when you are married or are going to get married--you consider both people.

 

But he didn't. So I feel betrayed. And blamed. I am feeling pretty hurt today too. I miss him...not just anyone...him. I want to know how he's liking his new (first) nephew. We had hoped to have kids soon, after we were married. He was really excited about being a dad. We talked about it all the time. He said he was so happy I was going to be the mother of his children. Well, before we broke up.

 

I just don't get it. I thought he really loved me. He said he did too. But all this makes me think it's not true.

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Honestly, womanwriter, I think our exes had GIGS, though we may not have realized it at the time. Both our exes just finished school, they had been dating us the entire time, so they never had a chance to find out what else is really out there. As cocky as this will sound, I am fairly confident that my ex will find that the grass isn't greener. Whether or not that will bring him back, I cannot say, but I know he will discover that I was a really good catch. The sad part about all of this is by the time my ex realizes this, I think I will have outgrown him.

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My ex did the same thing in the last few months of our relationship. Whenever I brought up how he had changed, he kept saying he didn't want to go back to his old life and now I realized he associated all the troubles from his old life with me. That was why he needed to leave me, because he wanted a fresh start with no reminder of his former life. He just wasn't man enough to say it to my face. I know my ex loved me, but what I realized was he loved himself more. We fell in love with very selfish men. When they get what they want, it's called compromise, but when they don't get what they want, they say the relationship is broken and leave.

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Hello again, WomanWriter.

 

Yes, I remember reading a post of yours on another thread I started. I did not realize, however, that our situations were so strikingly similar. It comes as a shock to me how many posters here have been through (or are going through) my situation that I thought was so uncommon.

 

Same as you, I've wondered myself if she didn't leave for another reason. Things just don't add up. However, I remind myself that it was a facet of her depression for things to often not add up. For example, she honestly believed for a while that atheists and theists could both be right. I don't want to start a discussion on religion, but you can see the irrationality in that. Surely it's not so far-fetched to assume that their reasons for leaving may not be entirely above-board, either.

 

Conversely, as part of her self-esteem issues, she sought approval from anyone and everyone. This led to her having what I've come to term "emotional affairs" over the internet while we were together. One guy was from her hometown and knew her in high school, and another was from Canada and came to know her on YouTube. So, as you might guess, my level of trust in her motives post-breakup has not been very high. I'm actually hoping she hasn't rushed into anything for her own sake, because she would essentially be just getting back into the same situation with someone else, and her battle with depression would be delayed ever farther.

 

Also, I fully expect to hear no response from her. That's part of the reason I've written this: because it will resolve things one way or another. If it goes well, and she decides that she can be with me again, then great. If not, then she'll stop communicating with me, and I (hopefully) won't feel the need to contact her any further. This essentially puts the ball in her court, which means I'll feel better knowing I've done all I can do. Like I said, the NC for me felt dishonest, and that's what I'm grappling with right now. If I keep it up and she doesn't come back, I'll regret not being myself and communicating with her to resolve this.

 

Thanks for your post, WomanWriter, and please PM me if you want to talk about any of this. Perhaps we can get a little healing circle going.

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Just know that there are heaps of us out here going through the same thing

 

Marton's right. HEAPS of us, brother. I want to help my ex more than anything, but it only drives them away. I'd love for mine to see the light and come running back. We all hate NC...we all feel like we're being untrue to ourselves...but the general consensus is that it's the healthiest choice. Your girl knows how you feel and at least you know that the relationship didn't end because of anything that you did. That's what I've been holding on to as well in my own problems.

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My ex did the same thing in the last few months of our relationship. Whenever I brought up how he had changed, he kept saying he didn't want to go back to his old life and now I realized he associated all the troubles from his old life with me. That was why he needed to leave me, because he wanted a fresh start with no reminder of his former life. He just wasn't man enough to say it to my face. I know my ex loved me, but what I realized was he loved himself more. We fell in love with very selfish men. When they get what they want, it's called compromise, but when they don't get what they want, they say the relationship is broken and leave.

 

Yes!!!! I think you're right. My ex even SAID (about a year before he broke up with me) that he thought he was a selfish person. He said he wishes he weren't so selfish but he didn't feel like he could help it. He did things for people, but seemed to feel resentful after all that.

 

I think we are finally seeing our exes as they really were. I thought my ex really liked being everyone's "hero" but now I see that his parents made him feel obligated to help people because they taught him it was a sin not to. He grew up very religious, but he never was into it. He just didn't want to make people mad. I knew that he needed a lot of approval from people, but I thought he did things because he really cared, not because he felt like it was a duty.

 

And the not compromising is true too! My ex would often get mad when I didn't want to eat what he wanted or wear clothes in a style he liked (but only at the end...the first several years he acted very accommodating for some reason). He didn't like it if I didn't agree with him. In the beginning, he said he was attracted to me because I had my own mind. But later, he thought I should think like him.

 

I essentially let him walk all over me at the end because he got sort of controlling (in a passive-aggressive way). Before that, I was the one who seemed less "in love"...he was the one who seemed more into me. But towards the end, I felt like he took advantage of me a lot, didn't call as often, didn't say I love you as much.

 

I didn't make a fuss (except once) but I did try to talk to him. He was very defensive and mean about it when that was not deserved. I was very "cool" about respecting his space. And he never even wanted space before...he used to beg me to go places with him, even when I'd suggest he take a friend or his brother. He said NO, he wants to go with ME. So I feel unfairly blamed. He chose to build his life around me. But then he turned around and made it out like I was holding him back from being "free" to work out his problems.

 

You know what, I'm feeling we were jerked around. Maybe it was because of the mental issues, you know? Maybe the selfishness, etc. is just a part of the way they are. How come we couldn't see it before? I didn't feel like my ex was that way for most of the years. He was a really nice guy! It seemed to happen at the end, when he was getting ready to graduate college (and I find it weird how that seems so common...this happening at a crossroads. Do you think that has something to do with it too?)

 

Anyway, I'm sorry this is all over the place. I have so much to say today that I am rambling on. I couldn't believe the first time I read your guys' posts! All these seem so much the same! Were you guys shocked when you read the same exact words and expressions that YOUR exes used on you? I thought my ex's words were unique but it turns out all these phrases are common to our respective exes! Did they get together and talk or something?

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Marton's right. HEAPS of us, brother. I want to help my ex more than anything, but it only drives them away. I'd love for mine to see the light and come running back. We all hate NC...we all feel like we're being untrue to ourselves...but the general consensus is that it's the healthiest choice. Your girl knows how you feel and at least you know that the relationship didn't end because of anything that you did. That's what I've been holding on to as well in my own problems.

 

So true there CRGMEM, we should all take comfort in knowing we did everything we could in our relationships. All of our exes know how we feel about them and there comes a point where we just have to say "you know what, it was their choice. And it will be their choice to come back to us or not". You may or may not have moved on but ultimately no matter how much we declare our love for them or want to help them, it is very much out of our hands now. That's how I look at things, I can't do anything therefore I'm not doing anything. I hate NC as much as the next guy, I constantly want to call, txt etc but I just won't. I refuse to because I do not want him to see me as this weak person anymore.

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Sounds great! PM me as well! It sure would be nice to get together in person and have our own support group. Do you know of any chatrooms we could go to, to have a conversation with the people who are all in our same situation? That would be awesome.

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OMG, I feel so bad. I feel like I'm thread-jacking Chewy's thread. Womanwriter, I'll respond in a PM, so Chewy can have his thread back.

 

Absolutely not, Eff! You guys PLEASE discuss openly here! I'm actually very pleasantly surprised that this thread turned into a "forum" of sorts where we could all share our respective feelings and stories, especially since we all seem to be in very similar situations. It's very therapeutic to read and nod and understand and contribute to this on-going discussion.

 

So please, continue here if you guys haven't made much headway privately. And thanks to everyone for contributing.

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It sure would be nice to get together in person and have our own support group. Do you know of any chatrooms we could go to, to have a conversation with the people who are all in our same situation? That would be awesome.

 

I honestly don't know of any off the top of my head, but I would be more than willing to sign up for a new site if it meant a chatroom discussion with you guys.

 

Great idea, WW!

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