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Ugh mistakes after mistakes


JuneBug

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After we graduated, my ex and I decided to start talking again--nothing heavy, just light talking. It's still very limited since I hardly go online so we have talked maybe twice in the past month. I guess since I told him that he shouldn't contact me and to wait for me to contact him, I wanted to break down that barrier. It seemed fine to me at first, I was never super excited to talk to him, but I still love him with all my heart. But he seemed very excited that I decided to go back in contact and seemed eager to talk to me. I also know he checks my blog often.

 

Here's the kicker, I always knew that he had already found someone else. He started talking to her after we broke up and tried at all cost to prevent me from knowing, which only ended up hurting me more when I found out (only 2 weeks after we broke up). But over time, I decided that I would accept it since there's nothing that can be done about it. The thing is, he lives in another country (but will be working in the states, in the same city) and his gf is there also (TW) but she doesn't speak English and so will never end up here. I think he plans to return home after working in the states for a while, which kills me because I know that reconciliation will never be possible with that future plan--but I'm so stupid that I still kept on hoping though I tried to focus all that energy on myself. I found out recently from a friend that while he's back in his country for about a month over break, he is only staying in TW for a couple of weeks and PH for the rest (since his parents live in PH). My friend said that he is actually bringing her home with him...which knocked the wind out of me because...I've never been to his home--and we dated for 3 years. It killed me that he found someone so quickly, and kills me more that he is bring her home with him.

 

I now think that I'm not ready to be in contact because if I am still crying after 4 months of breaking up, it's too soon. I think I'm just going to stay offline as much as I can, and not contact him until he contacts me. But it just hurts so much. I always thought that they would never really be together because 1). He will be working at an investment bank in america meaning he will never have time for social life. 2). They will be 12 hours apart so calling will be difficult. 3). They've only had maybe in total, 1 month (probably less) worth of days together since they first started dating so I don't even think they know what its like to be with each other before they have to begin long distance. 4). I think she's after him because in TW, they look up to people who came from America and she's snagged herself a successful graduate of a top 10 school who is from a wealthy family. 5). He won't have time to visit her when he starts work.

 

But when it comes down to it...they're still together and have been for 4 months (though most of the time its just long distance chatting/phone etc). I'm having difficulty letting go. I was happy for a while, but now I'm going into relapse from the information. I feel so stupid...He still cares about me, but he really is over me. I think I'm having a harder time letting go because in all honesty, he's a true gentleman. He's one of the most caring and mature person I know...and everything is going towards that other girl now. I'm jealous because I'm afraid I'll never find someone like him again. It wouldn't be so bad if he was horrible to me...but he wasn't....ever.

 

How do you get over someone like that? Do you think his relationship will last? What do I do now...I can't focus anymore...

 

I'm sorry for the rambling, it probably makes no sense and is out of order. I'm just so distressed and I can't find anybody to talk to at the moment...

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You get over it. I promise you. I got over the worst person ever and at the time we broke up I thought i'd never find anyone as 'good' BUT I found someone better.

 

Unfortunatley your relationship with him ended. It hurts. But he has moved on. Its no longer for you to worry about if it will last or if hes happy or shes better.

 

Relationships end, it doesnt make it yours or his fault. But I would reccomend going no contact, it'll hurt too much otherwise. Just explain you need some time away, and then you can concentrate on you.

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... The thing is, he lives in another country (but will be working in the states, in the same city) and his gf is there also (TW) but she doesn't speak English and so will never end up here ...

 

... He is only staying in TW for a couple of weeks and PH for the rest (since his parents live in PH) ...

 

What/where are "TW" and "PH"? I don't understand what one saves in a message of that length by using abbreviations people might not understand.

 

I'm not picking on you personally, but I see "alphabet soup" from time to time here, and it makes me wonder why. Just about anything other than "NC" and "LC" probably oughtta be spelled out in the interest of clear communication. (I mean, what kind of effort does typing "FB" really save over "Facebook," anyway?)

 

Just saying my piece.

 

EDIT Turns out that "TW" and "PH" are internet domain codes for the Republic of China and the Philippines. Who actually gets that off hand? I mean, all those times I've watched Chin Ming Wang pitch, not once have I heard them say he's from "TW."

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I think it's ultimately harder to get over "good" people that it just didn't work out because of circumstances or logistics. I say, stay strong, but remain open to the idea that these things work out the way they're supposed to. He's coming back to the states. His future is unfolding in spite of his plans, just like yours is.

 

If you aren't ready to talk to him, then go NC. It really is for you. It's good to be authentic about your own emotional needs. If LC is making you miserable, then the solution is obvious. I will say this, though...you have some information. Try not to make too many inferences about it. Information could be wrong, or you could be viewing it through your own pain.

 

*hugs*

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Thanks Aldoza =)

 

I think you're right, that good people are much harder to get over, which is why I can't believe I still have relapses after 4 months. After sleeping it off, I guess I feel a little better, and I think I will just not contact him at all. We will both be in the same city for work, but currently I am home. I guess I'll just keep to myself and see what happens when we both return, which won't be for another 1.5 months for me. Right now I'm focusing on some pre-health school exams (which I didn't do well during the semester because he broke up with me), and I'm just scared that this whole relapse will prevent me from focusing yet again. I really need this. Ugh it's so hard.

 

Brownstown--sorry for the abbreviations. I actually did them on purpose because I didn't want my story to be..I guess...somewhat obvious since then the story would really be specific to me in case anybody I know sees it. Although I guess even abbreviations kind of gave it away. I figured it didn't matter what the country was called--just that he's in a different country, with someone else, and it kills me. And also, tw=taiwan.

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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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