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When do you ever feel normal again?


gary1958

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Would love an answer to this. I escaped an abusive relationship 2 years ago. My ex had been diagnosed Panic/Anxiety and told me a year into the relationship. She wouldnt take her meds. The relationship was a crazy emotional rollercoaster. Her going of and acting out over any perceived slight or over the possibility of the relationship being in trouble....raging screaming and blaming. The relationship was toxic in her eyes and always my fault. I could never fill her emotiomnal needs and was told that all of the time. She would say to me that she could have any guy she wanted or I am going to go out and find a guy to love me for me.

 

So she ran out of my house in full panic mode and believe it or not ended the relationship in the middle of sex because she felt that stress had now entered that part of our life. Again my fault. Afterwards in counselling, the counsellor who had seen us both before believed she showed many signs of BPD. So here I sit 2 years out, life as back to normal as could be after all of that. Now I used to be a guy that had no problem getting a date or attracting women. Since this though I have had no interest shown nor do I really have any interest in love and relationships and women in general. I know for a fact through counselling that I came out of that relationship a shell of who I was going in. Does it really take all of this time and longer to get your self esteem and confidence back. And also does it reflect outward from you when you are still damaged even though you dont see it. Most of my days are really good. But I still have bad days where I remember what I went through. Im so far out now, some days I think Im just a woose and need someone to smack me up the side of the head. But I also know how insideous emotional abuse can be. And I have always prided myself on being a very confident strong person. That is why this is so perplexing to me. I want to get to a point where I look at another woman and get a rise in my levis so to speak. Right now I just get the nah she wouldnt want me. Thats what I was led to believe for 2 years from the constant put downs and criticisms. I never measured up in her eyes, Yet I treated her with love kindness and respect even after she through me up against a wall one night in panic mode. Does it get better and does it take along time to erase the memories and get your full confidence and self esteem back?

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I know for a fact that living in an abusive situation can take your interest in the opposite sex or sex at all away. I can remember when I finally left a boyfriend of mine I had decided (possibly unaware that I had decided) to NEVER be in a relationship again. For the life of me I couldn't find an interest in sex or men at all. I realized over the years that I was just hurt and scared. Fear, sadness (depression) can cause lack of interest in relationships or sex or even just being attracted to another human being. I think we go kind of numb.

 

I finally got back into a relationship much to my surprise that I formed an interest in someone and what happens?? He's emotionally abusive!

 

It's like a vicious maddening cycle...

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Could it have reallty been that bad...Sometimes I think I am embellishing it as it is

 

This is another thing that I've experienced many times and am now...self-doubt. We KNOW it was that bad, but we try over and over to blame ourselves or try to talk ourselves out of it. For instance, if someone loses their temper over small things we know that it's wrong and inappropriate, but later..as we think about it more...we start to wonder if WE overreacted and not the person who actually did!

 

](*,)

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well i grew up in a loving household...parents married 57 years...my ex was 5-6 110 lbs...often think...how can someone of that size and stature be an abuser...things were so subtle with her ...why cant you be more this and that...except for the raging....used to scare me...but it was her panic/anxiety...i was blamed for 2 years for stressing her out...i thought PTSD was caused from one certain traumatic event?

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Well here is the readers condensed version...dont know if anyone can walk away from this with PTSD

 

Hi there..here is my story... Met a girl 2 yrs ago this past April. Friday nite date... ended up hanging out the whole weekend...Then it started.. She was there 7 days a week.. 5 to 10 phone calls a day...emails... blew in like a hurricane and stayed 2 yrs.. Over this period of time..I started noticing her crazy erratic mood swings.. hypersensitive.. couldnt spend a night alone.. Needed constant validation...overly emotional... If i mentiond a pimple on her nose she freaked.. if i yelled at my son to get out of the shower .. she told me she couldnt take the yelling.. we couldnt have a discussion or disagreement without her panicking and running out of the house and ending the relationship only to call days later apologizing. She started making me choose between her and my son who is 13.. that he was old enough to leave alone and I should come visit her. A year into the relationship she flippantly announced she had been diagnosed with panic/anxiety disorder but wasnt taking her meds, they were in the car glovebox because she was afraid of the side effects... The yelling and screaming and raging. Throwing me up against the wall one night to get by me and out the door during an anxiety attack....Finally got her to counselling. She broke up with me a half dozen times in the last 3 months. Could never do enough. Wasnt loving enough.. wasnt romantic enough.. didnt kiss her enough and get this didnt hug her hard enough.. So after she ended it this past Mar I went to the same counsellor who said she believed she was bipolar instead.. online one night a guy told me to look up borderline personality disorder. and it was a light went off.. The reason i say that is her mother was panic/anxiety and used to run my girl to her moms sister in another city every couple months cause she couldnt cope.. when she hit 2 yrs old this woman said to my girls mom if you bring her again Im keeping her.. she did so she did.. so my girls aunt raised her as her own and until she was 14 believed this family to be hers.. at 14 she was told that in fact they were aunt uncle and cousins.. To this day when my girl and her mother are in the same room her mother doesnt acknowledge her..She has been married twice.. 42 yrs old... and always said to me that im going to go find a guy to love me for me...so she has been gone 4 months and I doubt I will here from her again .. i heard she jumped immediately to another guy...but wrote a letter just after the break up .. saying she needed to get help and manage this or the pattern would repeat.. I was devestated.. so much guilt cause thats how they make you feel.. anyways doing much better now.. 6 months no contact...I know if she would have called..I would have caved...So Im so glad she didnt...She was never diagnosed with this...just from what I have read she fits the criteria... Anyway... after the relationship ended I just crashed and for lack of a better word.. I felt abused.... Was on meds and in counselling... A pretty much gotten my life back now. Then I suddenly get an email with her first name on the email and a bunch of letters for the last name and a smile attached on the subject line. When I go to my inbox I notice it issnt there.. Going to my preferences I noticed I still have her email ADDRESS blocked. So whether she attempted to change her last name to get around my block thinking I blocked her name. I dont know. But the idea that she would try to contact me scares me after all of this. I dont know anyone else with her name I keep in contact with via email and it would explain my email deleting the letter if it in fact had her email addy. So I fear the day she tries to make contact again if in fact she does....

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