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How do you determine a relationship is not going anywhere?


enchanted771

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Basically this guy and i agreed that we want to keep going in the direction were headed but dont want to move things too fast. i have only been divorced a few months so dont want to jump into a serious relationship. i had a rebound and it got very ugly and i got hurt.so this guy i like and want to take the time to get to know him. i havent even experienced being single yet, but i do like him. the fact that he asked questions about my son made me happy.

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I think you're right in deciding not to take things too fast. I also think it's important to experience some "single-time" after a long relationship, especially a marriage. Sometimes things "just happen," but that doesn't mean it's completely out of your control. I would suggest just trying to be friends for the time being. Let a friendship develop, free of the stresses of determining whether you want to be in a relationship with him or not. There's nothing wrong with keeping things platonic and letting yourself recover.

 

It's great that he shows interest in your son, though. That's definitely a good start.

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What does 'taking it slow' actually mean? It's one of those things that people say that often leads to more problems than it ever solves because two people rarely mean the same thing by it - and then someone gets hurt.

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See, to me that's so vague as to be useless. How will you know when the time is right and how will you know the other person is ready?

 

It's all about communication and 'taking it slow' is almost always bad communication and ends up with people getting hurt.

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It's better not to say that at all - just let things evolve naturally.

 

Once you say "take it slow" you set a restriction - a very vague restriction but now no one knows whether to move things along or how for fear of "going too fast" and upsetting the other person.

 

On here recently a woman said that she told the guy she was dating that she wanted to take it slow and then complained because he still made no move to kiss her after the third date. And her saying that was probably the reason.

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Well i basically asked where we were headed. he did say he wants to move fwd but doesnt want to move things too fast. i respect that, but at the same time, we should be spending more time together, not once a week. i have decided to give it one more month, and just back off a bit. then, i am laying everything on the line. if he doesnt want to make some sort of effort, then we need to go our separate ways.

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I'm sorry but I think seeing each other once a week is pretty good. Don't you have things to do too? You have a child right?

 

Maybe it's not the time but the quality that you want? What do you all do when you see each other, do you go out or stay in?

 

My suggestion is not to bring up any more relationship talk unless you want to kill it. I know when I have done this I have felt so pathetic, I refuse to do it anymore and just enjoy myself instead.

 

Why not just go with how things have been going? If he is making NO effort to see you then something is wrong. Enjoy yourself, you said you were just out of a divorce, so let yourself heal and be treated well by someone for awhile.

 

Am I making any sense ?

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Yes, you are. i thought once a week was abnormal. i didnt bring up seeing him on-purpose to see if he would which he did. i guess he made an effort if he drove an hour. but yeah, i should concentrate on other things and not let him define me because its starting to make me depressed. i think i need to step back and let him do most of the contacting. if i dont talk to him one day, i wont panic.

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Is My Relationship Over - Signs
Is My Relationship Over - Signs

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