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She told me she wont let go because she says she happy with me.


smartalex

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It has been three months since we split.... she went dating with another guy who was messed up in his life and was on rebound with her... subsequently they decided to go LC for a while...

 

After a lot of arguments and fights, now they have broken up because the guy she chose could not decided whether he wants to be with her or not.

 

She keeps saying "there is no one between you and me". She also said that she has not given the intimate space to anyone.

 

The other day we were sitting and having breakfast at Costa. Then she pointed out at a girl sitting in the corner and having breakfast alone. She said, "if you were not around in my life, I would be sitting and having breakfast alone." Then she further said. "the girl in the corner may also have someone like my new bf who doesnt care". I told her, "it is the choice that the girl has made to have someone who does not care".

 

Then she said, " I really do not know, how to please you." I said, "its not you, its me who has failed to understand how to please you. You have dumped me and you are on look-out for a new relationship. You are already through with me. You find faults with me in everything I do or speak." Then I asked her "would you like, if i was to discuss new relationship with you, after telling you that Im through with you?". I also told her that " the day I find another person who will fall all over me and is emotionally attached to me, you will cry."

 

To this she replied, "I have not dumped you. Nowhere I have said that I am through with you. I like to be with you. You are not around my day doesn't go well".

 

But when we are travelling in my car she keeps looking out of window aimlessly. When I look out of the window on the other side she asks me " Why are you looking outside, dont you find me beautiful anymore". I was telling her that whenever she speaks to me she is almost screaming but I find her talking nicely with everyone else.

 

She found a long lost friend. This friend was studying with her for 10 years. He recently returned from US and has taken up job in a city nearby. Twice she has been to meet him in this other city. She stayed with him overnight. She tells me that she is not at all romantically inclined with this guy. She tells me that she will be visiting him every alternate week-ends.

 

When I told her that I dont find her to be happy with me at all and she seems to be happy and talking nicely with all others, she got upset with me. I said "you are so unhappy in my company that you dont mind travelling to another city to be this old friend of yours". She reacted stating "this is what I dont appreciate, you dont like me meeting any friends of mine."

 

I also told her that I wish to go away to some place where no one can ever contact me. To that she says " why do want to leave me and go?"

 

She does not want to let me go, and at the same time she is looking out for new relationship after taking one failure. What do I do?

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She sounds like a very self centered person wh requires a lot of attention. What are you getting out of this relationship? If I were you I would not be having breakfast with her or even having contact with her. Maybe that will give her a chance to see what she really wants. Unless she will give you 100% (which you deserve) say goodbye !!

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yeah, she does sound kind of selfish. who knows? maybe that girl is sitting there eating breakfast alone because she WANTS to, maybe her boyfriend is at work, maybe she's really happy. why do you need to eat breakfast with someone to prove you are happy? she sounds difficult and self-centered. if she doesn't want to be with you, she should let you go, and not keep you around for an ego boost.

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Thanks becca0194 and annie24.

 

It is not that I dont understand how she is. Even she knows that because the way she is others are hardly able to get along with her for very long time.

 

She had many failed relationship in the past. Then she met me in 2003. Once she tried breaking with me in 2004 but she met a dopy so she came back. Since then she has been with me and I become very close to her. She wanted me buy a house for her or contribute a share in helping her buy. I was supporting her in every dream of hers. Infact I have helped choose her career and also helped in getting the present job where she is working. She would say I wish to do "x" and I would say " yes, we will do it". I have got so much use to her that my day begins with her and ends with her. She wants me to be the first person to speak in the morning. I call her up at 6:30 when she wakes up. Then while she is travelling I call up and speak to her between 8:30 to 9:15. Earlier she would remember me, call me up and also text msg me. Then she would call me after office at 6:00 and she would want me to speak to her. Then she would like me to pick her up at rail station, be with her and have dinner then drop her back home. Then I will speak to her 9:30 to 11:00 over phone. I do all this even today.

 

Things started cracking during 2008. But I did put my best effort to see that I make things work for her. During Dec 2008 and Jan 2009 I found her changed and I realised she was not the same. She wouldnt call me till she would leave office at 6:00 in the evening and her calls had become brief. She wouldnt find anything to talk and keeps saying " so, tell me!" repeatedly holding on to the phone. Then during Jan 2009 we had big argument, I was surprised by her attitude. Earlier she would make all her holiday and touring plans and include me in it. She was making some plans to visit a place. However, she showed least concern on including me. I was surprised by that. Later she told me "I am feeling, I dont have any friend circle or social life".

 

 

After two days, she told me I dont have the same feelings in that aspect with you as I had earlier although I need and want to be part of my daily life.

I asked her a simple question, "it is not possible that you ask me to vacate a position in your life without giving the same to someone, so who is this person?" Initially, she refused but later she admitted that she had got close to a business associates in the course of professional interaction. I said fine, "if you wish to go, please go." Later things did not work out as explained above.

 

For me she is part of my daily life although it is not the same. Earlier there was a pleasure in meeting her because I thought we were emotionally connected. But today the moment I see her the first thought that hits me is that she is no more emotionally with me. I am just being good to her. I am so much used to her that I am not able to cut off. But I dont enjoy being with her anymore. Although she says "I love you, several times." I respond by saying " I thank you, for your love". She feels bad about it. Now I am going to stop saying even that. I am going to consciously withdraw all goodies one by one. I have to fall out of love. I am will have to get used to living without her. It is painful but I dont have choice unless she decides to change, which is so difficult without NC.

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