Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Its been about four months now, and today I did the worst thing possible, I contacted my ex through msn, I went back to my old self, I begged him over and over, I pleaded, I asked him to try again. His answer was the same, he doesn't want to be with me. I lost all respect for myself and all that no contact I built broke in just one moment. Now I am sitting here, I feel like he has broken up with me all over again. I can hardly breathe, I feel so numb, so sick. How could I let myself to go through all that hurt again? Why can't I give up on hope? Where do I go from here? I feel lost, and so ashamed. I need you guys to help me get through this

Link to comment
Share on other sites

wish on a star....

 

 

i'm so sorry you are feeling this way. i can't believe i just did the same thing too. i emailed him, then logged on here and saw your post first. now, i am regretting my actions. but, you and i both need to understand that we need to be prepared for those reactions. i am scared, but i made the choice and maybe i'm won't be strong enough for his response or lack thereof....but we need to just be the strongest we can be. perhaps we will be taking a few steps or more than a few steps back....but this time it won't be so hard to recover from. we know we can get better because we have, so we can do it again.

 

please, just breathe. just breathe and breathe and breathe. put everything else on hold and take care of yourself, just like you had to when it first ended. my thoughts are with you.....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Star

 

Don't feel ashamed - what is done is done and you cannot change that so be kind to yourself PLEASE!

 

I am sure it does feel like the breakup all over again, and I know how much it must hurt. But you need to use this to your advantage, for want of a better word. You went back and nothing has changed so at least you know where you are, as much as it hurts.

 

You know what you have to do, don't you? I do think that things will be easier to get over this time - you are going over familiar ground.

 

Hope you are ok.

 

Mark

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wishing on a star - you are at rock bottom. That means the only way is up.

 

I haven't posted on here in a wee while, that's because I have healed tremendously. When me and my ex went NC after 6 months LC, it felt liked break up deja-vu, and I had to learn how to recover twice over.

 

At first I over analyzed him, the things he said the last time I saw him, his body language, the expression in his eyes - EVERYTHING. I did that for the longest time, then it became less and less, until I just felt I didn't need to do it anymore. It just faded away.

 

I think it was when someone very wise on ENA emailed me and said, "What he did to you wasn't about you or anything that you did...It is a reflection of the type of person he is. He doesn't deserve you and he knows it."

 

I hope those words set you free, as it has set me free. You will love again xxx

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I messed up a bit today too. We slip up, it happens.. Be kind to yourself. We learn from our mistakes. Now you will be stronger. Think of all the things you hated, or his cold behavior. Hate him for ever breaking your heart. That's what I am doing for my ex. You were climbing stairs, so you tripped on one? Get back up and keep climbing!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

wish_on_a_star

 

((hugs))

 

Think of it as "testing the waters", rather than messing up or "breaking NC". It a perfectly human thing to do. You can't tell without experiencing it just how cold the waters are. Sometimes they are painfully, shockingly cold.

 

Sorry you are going through such pain again. Be tender with yourself and take care.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

At this very moment, I am trying not to think about the good times we spent together and all the memories we built, rather, I'm focusing on how much he has hurt me during and after the break up. Even though this keeps me strong for a while, its not long before I begin to miss him like crazy, I still love him so much but after breaking NC last night, just to try and win him back, I realised, that all my hard work and motivation to move on had failed

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Maybe you were doing NC for the wrong reasons? I no how much it hurts. I am in the same situation... But as hard as it is, you have to realize that it is over and move on. If he comes back to you, then maybe you can slowly try to work on things... But don't hope for that, just work on yourself, being happy and start NC again. Even if you write him a short message saying, "I don't know what I was thinking, I let the good take over the bad. Now I'm going to move on from you for good". I'm not saying to do that, but maybe it will make you feel better for breaking NC. I did that and now I'm starting again. Except, my ex says to me "ill fight for you back when I want you back". Makes me even more disgusted and hateful to him. Just keep strong. You are strong, remember it. You can and will do this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey thanks for your kind words. I was so much calmer during the period of no contact. I felt like he couldn't bring me down anymore or upset me. Now I feel so low, I sent him so many messages last night, literally begging and pleading him to reconsider. His answer was similar to what your ex said, he said "if I want to give it a shot a few months later, I will, if not, then I will carry on how I am". Even when I look back and read the messages now, I feel like crying. How did I let myself to go back to that weak person I was months ago..I am trying to look after myself today, but I couldn't even manage to leave my house...I hope tomorrow comes quick

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just like my ex, wow. Same words with the months down the line thing. Take back control like I did! He is comfortable because he thinks you will always be there. Tell him, say "I'm not your yo yo, I'm going to move on, don't come back". It will make him realize his loss faster. Trust me I did this with my ex, who was saying the same things and the more you say "ill love you forever and wait for you".. The more they are comfortable and never going to come back. They need to realize there loss. My advice. Send him a text like that, if he replies don't reply back and start NC. He will be shocked of your words and when he sees you aren't messaging him... He will panic.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

And also, sorry for the 3 messages . My ex did this to me last November. He only came back when I was no longer needy and I was telling him to stay out of my life. All the months I said I love you, please see it.. It all doesn't work. We always think being the friend, or the nice ex girlfriend will work. Nope trust me...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

And also, sorry for the 3 messages . My ex did this to me last November. He only came back when I was no longer needy and I was telling him to stay out of my life. All the months I said I love you, please see it.. It all doesn't work. We always think being the friend, or the nice ex girlfriend will work. Nope trust me...

 

 

wow I can't believe you found that courage to move on and tell him to stay out your life. I need to do this now, no time like the present! My ex is probably laughing at me, after what I did yesterday. I mean four months later, and I'm still acting so needy? I just hope this incident makes me stronger and wiser. He has forgotten the relationship, he has forgotten me, I am holding on to a fantasy and letting go of reality every time i talk to him and THAT needs to STOP..it helps to know that if other people can do it, then so can I

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Don't feel bad. Last November I begged for FOUR months. They love it, they say "leave me alone"... But its an ego boost to them. The moment I said "frig you for all the hurt you have done, I'm moving on, don't ever contact me. Goodbye"... 4 days of NC... He came back, who knew after 4 months of me begging that's what it took. Now the way I see it is... If he is going to leave me and move on, I am not going to give him the satisfaction of me saying "I will love you forever!!!".. Nope. I am going to call him out for all the hurt and bs he has put me through. You, or I do not deserve this. He has you in his palm... Its time you stand up for yourself! You are strong, and you will do this. Walk with your dignity and self respect. Don't let him take that from you. Trust me, he will get in contact with you again. So work on moving on, so that when he does try.... You can say screw you! Goodluck hun!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I really like what was said above. I am struggling with the NC only after 2 weeks of breaking up. I have not spoken to my ex fiance for 2 weeks and its killing me. He was my best friend but he is the one who decided to end it. He said that he didnt love me anymore after 6 years of being together. After I stood by him when he went to law school 2,000 miles away. I was nothing but there for him but towards the end he backed off and stopped being there for me. Some people tell me that I should talk to him and fight for the love between us but then I remember that he was the one who broke up with me, not the other way around. I think the only thing I might do is send him a birthday card, him b-day is in 27 days. Thats about it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dont feel bad a lot of us do that. Other than the pain I dont think its such a bad thing to do. Although its not usually successful, giving it one last try and knowing you have done all you can is something that will help you move on. Its better that than to have doubt of "what if I had tried" and wondering if you both were sitting there too subborn to reach out.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Don't send a birthday card! No! He walked out on you saying the most hurtful words, "I don't love you anymore". Yes he was your best friend, mine was by far mine too... Respect needs to be earned and he does not deserve any of it from you. Be angry, be mad, do what it takes to realize you are strong and no one deserves to do what he has done to you, after all you have gave to him!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i agree with everything that was said on here....really gave me some perspective as well. you see, i did the same thing the day that wish on a star did....broke NC. or at least tried. i emailed a very casual email just saying hey. i worked so hard to go no contact and i broke it.

 

my question is...and maybe you can give me some insight

 

what if you try to break NC and you were the one who did a lot of the hurting too? it was pretty much an equal screw up on both sides. i filed for divorce and moved out b/c i received no effort on his part (counseling, etc.). Well, I never wanted it to get that far. He's mad at me for all my mistakes. Yet, I'm the one who broke NC.

 

He still hasn't responded....which is what i expected.

 

i gave up my power.

 

back to square one.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Kate

, he did not do his part. It is not your fault for this. You did your part by trying to seek council with him. In my opinion, I would not try to do small talk with him. Can you really be his friend? That is the position you are putting yourself in. What I would do, would be tell him in a short email or letter. That you did not mean for things to get as far as they did, all you wanted was him to step up and play his role in the marriage. Tell him that you can no longer wait around for him if he can't meet you 50 50. Then start NC. If he doesn't reply, that is your answer.. And it still leaves you having your dignity and self respect. He is going to walk if he wants too, so why not better your chances? No amount of being the friend, the nice exgirlfriend will bring back an ex. It just makes us look out of control of our lives and makes them feel we are needy and can't live without them. We can, and with or without them we will live. Don't let them ever see your pain.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

thanks, lauren. you are totally right and I wish i could go back...but it is what it is. the thing is....is that I'm happy. I haven't been this happy in a long time. therefore, i felt like i could handle a friendship and truly wanted to share my joy with him. nothing wonderful has happened to me, except that I am finding peace and happiness in my life each day. i'm elated to go to work, enjoy my friends and family, exercise, weekends, and just being me. i am grateful for my old relationship and i wanted him to feel the same way. however, i cannot make him feel like me and if he isn't wanting what i want, i understand that. as great as i feel, i still have a saddness i am dealing with of course. thank you for your comments. very insightful.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...