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Picking up the pieces of anothers mess....


found-lost

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I need advice- I've talked to friends, family and broken down over this a couple times and I still can't find my solution, so I am turning my question to cyber space.

I have been seeing this guy / not defninig what we are for close to 3 months and he came out of a bad 2 year relationship ( or at least bad when I met him ) and I understand that no one walks out of something like that unscathed or not at least a little broken but I am afraid I am hurting myself more by wanting to stay and help him then by just walking away for good. He leaves soon and I have agreed to house sit and dog sit for the summer so I am around, yet I leave in september and he is back beginning of August. I've tried talking to him about it and saying I knew he was damaged from it but he just keeps saying life's complicated or he needs to focus on him yet he always calls, texts or asks me out to do things. I understand he needs a friend and that he likes me and we 'get' eachother on many levels but I can't help but feel he's completely on /off towards me and I sit thinking about it much to much for my own good and all I can think is that I should have ran. I am not sure what I expect back on this post but I just needed to say it out loud, or type it out or something. If anyone has been in the same boat, been hurt by this or feels they have advice besides I shouldn't have gotten involved in it or stayed away, please help.

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Hello and welcome to the forum.

 

I guess you just ran into a "taker", a person who has a billion excuses to have flaws, is not trying to change and uses a terrible past to get away with anything.

 

Of course it's hard leaving them, it can make you feel like you failed, weren't good enough or like you're just like any other bad person they have met. But the problem is not you or other people, it's him and he's going to make you feel bad and guilty, he's going to keep draining you and at times it's even going to look like he's doing you a favour.

 

He's not being a true and good friend to you, he's not worth it.

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What if it is I knew what I was getting into yet I still did it anyways event? I knew they were breaking up when we started up and I have been in his situation but not as the one who was left holding the keys and mortgage to a house, a dog and a car? He is great some days and totally off others. I know everyone has there on and off days but I think I am with you when you say he may be a taker and I am slightly afraid at the end of the day I won't find that person that I am meant ot be with because I will be thinking I got myself into a bad situation but want to help out a friend. oh and what person tells someone else that they are sleeping with that they are 'great friends' but at the moment they need to be thinking about themselves? okay I undestand the needing to be by yourself and get your things together but there has to be a way that I break this cycle or at least make me not feel like its me?

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Of course he's going to be great some days, otherwise you would have dumped him ages ago and he doesn't want that because it's more comfortable to have things his way.

 

I think you understand what is happening and don't want to be a part of it, that's the first step to get out of the situation and preventing it from happening again. You have to stand up for yourself, don't think about not being a good friend to others because it's not them that you have to take care of but yourself. Tell this guy to sort his own problems, don't talk to him again and whenever you meet a new person pay close attention to their actions and the things they say, if they contradict themselves then it's better to leave before you get involved.

 

Be careful who you choose to be close to you, we all make mistakes and that's a good way to learn what we don't want so don't beat yourself up for it, just keep your eyes open and be ready to leave when you have to.

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Lost the Love Of Your Love? Watch T...
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