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He doesn't trust me because his ex used to cheat on him...


Dancergirl425

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So long story short my bf (of a month) is constantly accusing me of being "sketchy" because he is paranoid I'm going to cheat on him. Although I am a very shy virgin he still thinks that because his ex girlfriend cheated on him all the time, I'm going to. It's driving me nuts but I don't want to break up yet because it's only been a month.

 

We're both almost 20 and he went to prom with one of his friends thats still in hs yesterday and I never made a big deal about it even though I didn't really want him to go. It just seems that he's allowed to go out and party with other girls, but i'm not allowed to hang out with my guy friends. He doesn't seem to understand that I don't take bull * * * * from guys so if this keeps up i'm out. But I want other people's perspectives. Should I just stay with him and see how this goes? or go with my original instinct and just dump him. When he's not paranoid he's an awesome bf but once he starts accusing me of cheating he gets really mean.

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Why don't you want to break up with him?

 

Do you like being constantly accused of doing things you not only DIDN'T do, but have no intention of doing?

 

There's nothing you can do to "fix" this -- it's a problem within himself. If he's accusing you, that's a pretty good indication that he's not really ready to address it and he's just going to blame you.

 

He accuses you of things you didn't do and then he gets mean? That's a big ol' red flag, m'dear -- verbal abuse.

 

So, again....why don't you want to break up with him? If a guy isn't treating you well at the start of your interaction (when people are generally trying to put their best foot forward), he's not likely to improve with time (after he gets comfortable and stops trying to impress).

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IMO, I'd start walking from this relationship. His problem is that he is very insecure and controlling. You need to tell him that you are NOT his ex girlfriends and are a totally different person. If he cannot accept that, then he needs to resolve these issues before jumping into another relationship. It's clear that he's not over his past relationships and NO ONE likes to be a rebound or have to hear about how much GRIEF an ex has caused on your SO.

 

The fact that he is not "allowing" you to hang with your guy friends is not right either; it shows that he is very controlling. I mean... is this guy trying to be like your father? And yet it's ok for him to take another girl to the dance? He sounds like a piece of work.

 

Even though it's been a month, his paranoia of you being dishonest is a serious red flag. Is it worth the emotional distress to deal with his accusations? Trust is EVERYTHING in a relationship or you might as well walk.

 

 

Edit: shes2smart hit it hard. If you guys are not getting along from the start, why would you want to spend your time with this kind of person? Drama within a month or less shows what kind of character he will be.

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I

 

The fact that he is not "allowing" you to hang with your guy friends is not right either; it shows that he is very controlling. I mean... is this guy trying to be like your father? And yet it's ok for him to take another girl to the dance? He sounds like a piece of work.

 

 

He never actually said I wasn't allowed to hang out with other guys. Tonight I said that tomorrow I was going to the mall with a friend I just didn't know which one yet. He got all mad saying that because i used the word friend and not the name of the person that i was hiding something. But when I explained that I meant I had sent a text to the girls from my hallway from school and none of them had responded yet..he just said I was sketchy.

 

So it's not like he's controlling me...because I do what I want..but he's making me feel guilty which is ridiculous because I haven't done anything

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He never actually said I wasn't allowed to hang out with other guys. Tonight I said that tomorrow I was going to the mall with a friend I just didn't know which one yet. He got all mad saying that because i used the word friend and not the name of the person that i was hiding something. But when I explained that I meant I had sent a text to the girls from my hallway from school and none of them had responded yet..he just said I was sketchy.

 

So it's not like he's controlling me...because I do what I want..but he's making me feel guilty which is ridiculous because I haven't done anything

Then how come I saw this:

 

It just seems that he's allowed to go out and party with other girls, but i'm not allowed to hang out with my guy friends. He doesn't seem to understand that I don't take bull * * * * from guys so if this keeps up i'm out.

 

Because I was confused how he ADDRESSED his disapproval of you hanging out with the opposite gender. Oh well, guess that's water under the bridge for now.

 

And yes, I'm sorry that you disagree with me but he is controlling. Manipulation and guilt tripping is a classic act of a controller and an abuser. He doesn't want you to hang out with certain people, so he goes off accusing you of doing things to get you to stop. He doesn't try to be mature by talking these concerns and becomes defensive once you do something he doesn't like. He's playing on your emotions which isn't what a GOOD, RESPECTABLE boyfriend would be doing.

 

And if you're not giving in to them, then why give in to the relationship at all?

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I read somewhere that if someone's cheating one of the things they do is accuse you of cheating..is that true?

 

Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't.

 

If he is, you can add it to the list of his already stellar qualities.

 

Even if he's not cheating, he's not a good relationship partner. If he is, it just makes him worse.

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I was with my ex for 5 years, except for the 6 month break up. Where he dated a girl, who slept around. He was my first boyfriend, so I thought everything that went on was normal.

 

He was great at first, sweet caring... Then after he dated the girl and we got back together. He wasn't so nice. He was jealous, untrusting. And he got worse. I ended up leaving college 2 months before I finished. Because I couldn't handle the hassle anymore.

 

I was apparently having affairs with guys in college. I was apparently having an affair with the only guy in my massage class.. who wasn't even my partner in the class. Then when I got a job with his mum, I was cheating constantly behind his back with a co-worker.. in front of his mum and all the children we looked after.

 

I missed so much, I wasn't allowed to see my friends, or go clubbing.. we never went out on a date after we started going out again. I was either at work, or stuck inside.

 

It'll get worse, if you don't sort it out or leave.

 

But turned out my ex had been cheating on me with his ex for most of the time we were together. So maybe it is true.

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My Boyfriend Thinks I Don't Lov...
My Boyfriend Thinks I Don't Love Him (Here's Why and What to Do)

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