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Why would exes not want you to move on?


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What If My Ex Wants Me Back - What...
What If My Ex Wants Me Back - What To Do?

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I hear this all the time, where some people complain that they try so hard to move on from the ex, but it's like the ex won't have none of it and will do whatever they can- even the most subtle things- to keep their exes from moving on.

 

Why? And especially why when they don't want their exes back?

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I have come to realize in my situation (which you can find on various ena threads) that the Ex does not want me, but she will do the very least to keep the hook in my mouth, just in case her latest BF does not work out, she can always attempt to come back to me. I was reduced to her last resort, back door plan, her least favorite option in the event her wandering off failed to make her happy with someone else. Plain & Simple!! Read the John Bendix book. See the Divorce thread on here.

 

Hosed

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Ego trip. It gives them an ego boost if the other person still wants them so they do everything in their power to keep the dumpee emotionally chained to them.

 

Ex did this to me. Strung me along, told me lies after lies after lies...vicious cycle of never ending lies. I took that power away from him earlier this year and have been on NC (going on month 5!).

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Ew. People like that are nasty. :S I once knew a girl (she was the dumpee) and she considered her ex a "safety net" so everytime he gets with someone new, she does whatever it takes to ruin their relationships.

 

I'm like... Jesus Christ! That is so mean, you know?

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Its called game playing..over inflated egos..selfishness....of course it is also immature...there is nothing positive about it...you have choices when you part regarding contact..its the positive ones you make that help you heal over time...

Indifference...can go a long way here and maintaining dignity...

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Its called game playing..over inflated egos..selfishness....of course it is also immature...there is nothing positive about it...you have choices when you part regarding contact..its the positive ones you make that help you heal over time...

Indifference...can go a long way here and maintaining dignity...

 

Never thought I'd feel indifferent towards my ex but after almost 5 mos of NC (and still going) it's full on.

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I'd say all of the above, plus jealousy. There are people out there who think "well, if I can't have you, I don't want anyone else to have you either" - strangely enough, even if they were the dumper and don't want you.

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I always had a guy on the back burner that my friends called my "Ace in the Hole". This guy could always be counted on to take me out if I was bored or needed a date to some function or another. I wasn't cruel, though. He was not in love with me at all, we were just good friends who liked each other. We still keep in touch occassionally. If he had been an ex who still cared, my actions would have been classless and mean. Still, she may be doing the exact same thing.

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I really have NO idea why would my ex not want me to move on.

 

We broke up 1.5 month ago, and despite all my efforts, crying & begging, she was so stubborn to come back.

 

One thing she now does, that really irritates me, is that I sent her stuff back, packed in a box, but she doesn't send back mine. I gave her back all the gifts (quite expensive) I received from her family when we got engaged, plus all her clothes she left at my place. And I asked she give back the 2K$ ring I bought when I proposed, she didn't send it back. Why?? She was the one that dumped me, not me. (in our country, it is custom that both give back all engagement gifts, doesn't matter who called it off).

 

What I then had to do, I sent a female friend of mine visit her at her place, and asked for my things back. Reluctantly, she gave back the ring, but she (intentionally) "forgot" to give my clothes back.

 

Why is she doing this??

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(1)Do you think there is any chance she's keeping my clothes, just to have a good reason to open communication again in some period of time, say 1-2 months?

 

(2)Or is it that she does want to break up, just struggling to let go some last things of mine? Struggling to accept our break up? Strange though, coz she was the dumper, not me.

 

(3)Maybe it is a revengeful way to constantly make me beg for my stuff back? But why treat me like this? I never hurt her. So, this scenario is also non-sense.

 

What do you think? Her mind games really irritate me.

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(1)Do you think there is any chance she's keeping my clothes, just to have a good reason to open communication again in some period of time, say 1-2 months?

 

(2)Or is it that she does want to break up, just struggling to let go some last things of mine? Struggling to accept our break up? Strange though, coz she was the dumper, not me.

 

(3)Maybe it is a revengeful way to constantly make me beg for my stuff back? But why treat me like this? I never hurt her. So, this scenario is also non-sense.

 

What do you think? Her mind games really irritate me.

 

Who knows how she truly feels as of now, but I'll bet on my money she just wants you as her "backup plan". Forget your clothes, go buy some new ones to attract new ladies.

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exes don't want to be 2nd best. Even if the last relationship ended badly, they feel like some light still shines on them until their ex (you) moves on. Once you hook up/meet someone new, they feel like they're a joke in your mind, and seen as yesterday's trash.

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