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How to stop paranoia??


Lauren8785
Do You Need Reassurance? Stop It Li...
Do You Need Reassurance? Stop It Like This

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My problem is me. I have been dating a man for almost two months now. Everything is great expect from time to time I get these paranoid thoughts (if I don't hear from him for a few days or get a reply from a text msg right away I freak out). I hate myself for having these thoughts because all it does is work me up into a frenzy and everyone tells me (all my friends) including my boyfriend I don't have anything to worry about. He tells me all the time he doesn't play mind games nor has time for BS like that or would disrespect a lady, so I can trust him and he never gave me a reason to doubt him but when I don't hear from him I tend to jump to conclusions and freak out. In the beginning of our relationship we would have constant contact and now that he finally has a job working 14 hours a day (landscaping and his dad's auto shop) and has a horrible back his tailbone isn't right and has bad arthritis in his back so he is in terrible agony so when he comes home from work he wants to rest and sleep and he's told me that numerous times. Then I am at work too full time and it just stinks because I miss that constant contact we had. He needs his job desperately and I understand that, but at the same time I'd like that constant contact. This makes me feel like we're distant but maybe I am just being paranoid and I know I need to stop this because if I don't it will drive him away and I don't want to do that. I just can't stop thinking about when he's going to contact me next. I sit and constantly look at my phone to see if I have any missed calls, text messages, etc from him and when I see he hasn't I get disappointed.

 

Has anyone ever felt like this before?? I know that everyone needs there space too and you don't need to spend 24/7 a day together but I love that constant texting that we used to do, it made me feel close to him. My friends say that I should quit being paranoid and just enjoy spending time with my boyfriend when I see him and when he does contact me be grateful which I do understand but still these thoughts in my mind just keep plaguing me!! Please any advice and suggestions would help!! Thanks for reading!! Tired of being paranoid!!

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You need to have more things to do on your own without him so you won't have to think about it so much. Find some new activities that you enjoy and get busier!

 

I have tons of friends and all and see them when I feel like it. I have a lot of fun when I am with my boyfriend and would like to see him more too!! I don't think there really is anything wrong with our realtionship knowing him if he had a problem with me he would def tell me. I think I just think of things too much and let it get to me and create all this non-sense in my mind. I know deep down its stupid because theres no reason to feel this way. I guess I just miss that constant communication we had in texts. I need to chill some how

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Is this your first relationship?

 

I hate to say it, but I think that heartbreak is the best teacher. When a guy dumps you because you start to appear needy and want constant contact, the pain helps you learn that in order to get the love you want you have to give the other person space.

 

If you don't want to be dumped, hon, you need to curb your so-called need for constant contact. You need to focus on your friends, as noted above, and other interests. It's only two months in and he's still in the honeymoon phase. If this continues, he's gonna be out the door and off to some other chick that gives him more freedom.

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Is this your first relationship?

 

I hate to say it, but I think that heartbreak is the best teacher. When a guy dumps you because you start to appear needy and want constant contact, the pain helps you learn that in order to get the love you want you have to give the other person space.

 

If you don't want to be dumped, hon, you need to curb your so-called need for constant contact. You need to focus on your friends, as noted above, and other interests. It's only two months in and he's still in the honeymoon phase. If this continues, he's gonna be out the door and off to some other chick that gives him more freedom.

 

My 1st serious one Id say. Yeah I know that, I plan to back down a bit but how do I stop from over thinking things too much thats the hard part??

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Lauren .. i can completely understand how you feel...

 

the best advice that i can give you is to remember that what you are feeling is just fears. Thats all. Its just a fear- its not reality -

 

Nip what you are feeling in the bud now because it doesn't get better with time.. only worse... and worrying the way you do does nothing to help yourself esteem.

 

Remember that you had a good life before him and you will have a good life without him if it doesn't work out.

 

take one day at time... one thought/fear at a time.

 

Try deep breathing exercises - do what you can to soothe your thoughts.

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My 1st serious one Id say. Yeah I know that, I plan to back down a bit but how do I stop from over thinking things too much thats the hard part??

 

Well, we noted one of the best things is to distract yourself with other activities and friends. Re-read the posts if you need.

 

As HHWH says, repeating mantras - like 'I'm ok if it doesn't work out' and 'I had a life before him' help a lot too. Finally, deep breathing and relaxation help.

 

Additionally, I would add exercise and journaling. Exercise is a good distraction. Journaling is another way to consciously redirect your thoughts to more positive ideas. So you have 7 things listed here hon.

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Well, you are like me. it has taken time, but i am really starting to trust him. i know that one reason a guy wouldnt want a gf is if she tried to control him or make him sacrafice his freedom. so i know he goes drinking, etc as do i. i know he is not cheating on me though. if he ever does, then he is not the one for me. i get scared of the club/bar scene, but you can just as well meet someone at starbucks. stay super busy, and if he doesnt answer your text, its simply cuz he is busy.

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coming from the other side of this situation....

 

I actually just posted something on here about how my bf has been constantly freaking out saying that i'm sketchy and accusing me of hanging out with other guys and basically cheating when the only guy i've really hung out with in months is my dad. It's getting so annoying that I'm ready to call it quits almost.

 

Everyone gets paranoid but definitely do not annoy him about it because it will drive him away. Especially if he's working 14 hrs a day he doesnt want to come home to that. But just wondering if he's working so much when would he have time to cheat? or are u worrying that he's not into you anymore and just not saying it? I guess I'm confused about what you're worried about

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coming from the other side of this situation....

 

I actually just posted something on here about how my bf has been constantly freaking out saying that i'm sketchy and accusing me of hanging out with other guys and basically cheating when the only guy i've really hung out with in months is my dad. It's getting so annoying that I'm ready to call it quits almost.

 

Everyone gets paranoid but definitely do not annoy him about it because it will drive him away. Especially if he's working 14 hrs a day he doesnt want to come home to that. But just wondering if he's working so much when would he have time to cheat? or are u worrying that he's not into you anymore and just not saying it? I guess I'm confused about what you're worried about

 

 

I was just worried he wasn't into me as much since he hasn't been contacting me as much as he used to in the beginning, but now I am starting to realize he's busy with work and he's in a lot of pain with his back which is understandable and to try and not take it so personally!!! My friend and I had to help him get in and out of the car and up and out of the chair when we hung out, he was in so much pain he was struggling to get up on his own. I could tell he wasn't faking you could see it in his face how much he hurts so its understandable after working that long and having back problems that he'd be tried as heck and just wants to lay down and unwind after work and not do much, even tho I don't think texting me more would be extremely difficult or too much to ask, but the medicine he takes (morphine and muscle relaxers) makes him tired so he's probably very sleepy and doesn't feel like texting. I guess for me it's just something I will have to accept and be patient with. He's told me plenty of times that its nothing to do with me and not to take it personally and told me he loves and cares for me so I know not to worry about him cheating or anything like that. I just love the constant contact we had.

 

Now we just text or call here and there. See each other when we can. The other night I hung out with a bunch of friends and at first he was on my mind I wanted to cry cause I missed him a lot but after a while I started to have fun and wasn't as bothered by it as I was in the beginning of the night so I just realized I have to keep myself busy with other things, so I don't drive myself insane thinking it has to do with me, when truly it doesn't and who ever said that these thoughts aren't actual reality is right I know deep down they're not, but I still couldn't help but think it was. So weird. He sent me some sweet texts the other night so I know he truly loves me I just wish we had that constant contact like we used to but I guess I dont really have any control over that. I don't want to annoy him or drive him away by seeming clingly or needy so I just try and take it easy and let him rest too and try and remind myself he's probably working and exhausted afterwards and that its not me.

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