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I have a serious problem


h5712

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Before I explain my problem here is some history on the problem. 6 years ago I went away on vacation. I met a girl while on vacation. This girl was absolutley gorgeous. The most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. We had an amazing week. Shes an amazing dancer, a perfect 10..............Shes basically the standard to which I compare all women to.

 

Anyhow once I left I never saw or spoke to her again, but I also never forgot her, I left with a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. In the years after that I was in and out of relationships, and I never got that feeling that this other girl gave me. and every once in a while she crosses my mind.

 

Now I am with another girl, we are about to celebrate our 1 year anniversary. She is not perfect. She has her flaws, but she has always been honest with me. Every once in a while we have an argument but its normal and it passes.

 

 

Today I get an email, one that rocked my world. The girl that I was head over heels for has found me. She said hello. At this point my hands got sweaty my jaw dropped and i said OMFG!

 

What do I do. Because knowing myself Ill fly 3000 miles just to see this girl but I am not the cheating type. Should I break up with my girlfriend who has never done me wrong and been completely honest with me and hurt her, to chase after a dream? Or should I delete her message and pretend I never saw it.

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My current GF knows nothing about her, I have never spoke of her to anyone after that. When I left we exchanged emails, and I immediately emailed her, but she never replied. I assumed that she either wrote down the wrong email, or she really wasnt interested in me. Either case I thought I had lost her forever, except to dream about what could've been.

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h5712 - Every man has his 'perfect girl'. You spent 1 glorious week with this person and have taken that memory and preserved it and have compared everyone else to her. There is absolutely no way for anyone else to compete with that. You have taken her memory and 'perfected' her. If you had spent the same year with this person as you had with your current relationship there is every probability you would be seeing, experiencing, sensing just as many flaws as you are with your current mate.

 

Tread very carefully here.

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No I've been cheated on before and I would never do that to anyone, I don't like hurting people like my GF, because she has a good heart. If I acted on this I would have to end our relationship first. But thats my big question, If I dont I will forever wonder where it could have gone, If I do ill have to hurt my current gf when I dump her, and talking to another girl behind my gfs back is like borderline cheating. * * * * Im freakin out!

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Is it wrong if I at least try to get to know what the girl is like, is that cheating? Because she could have changed, become materialistic, had kids who knows. If I try to find tose sort of things out is that wrong?

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I think that it is ok to have a correspondence with her. Brace yourself though ... Realize on the front end that you will be hit with an immediate tidal wave of emotion because your 'perfect' girl has come into your life again. Be absolutely sure to continually remind yourself that she is only human. She IS NOT the person you have 'perfected' in your memory. She is just as real and a flawed as your current mate.

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Well MY question would be if it were so "glorious" why did she take six years to email you??? I am always leery when people just pop out of nowhere. My guess is she is just curious about you . A lot can happen in six years, and a lot of things can happen...

I would just be careful.

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It sounds like if you don't pursue this, you'll regret it. I'd say that you should see where it can lead. But, I'd do your current girlfriend a favor and break up with her. It sounds like you're settling for her, and she deserves better. She deserves to be with the one who thinks *she's* perfect. Otherwise, you are using her. If the one from the past doesn't work out, you will find another woman who is perfect for you in other ways. Don't settle--it isn't a good thing for either of you.

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You had one week with her... not enough time to really get to know her. Is it worth jeopardizing your current relationship for a long ago fling?

 

And you asked if it's right to get to know what she's like now... Unless she has become utterly repulsive, you will be tempted to cheat.

 

But also... the fact that you are even tempted to leave your current for this girl after one week shows that there are some serious problems in your relationship. Maybe you should think long and hard about weather those problems are worth fixing.

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I am reminded of the movie from the 1970's "10" where the character played by Dudley Moore loses interest in his girlfriend as he chases after some women he saw in passing. link removed).

He found out that the fantasy was much better than the reality.

 

What you had was a vacation fantasy fling. If it was so special that relationship would have continued on after the vacation was over. It didn't. Vacation flings are not grounded in reality because the essence of being on vacation is being away from the pressures of every day life. You really don't know this woman at all. You can choose to find out about her...but that you should be doing only AFTER you break up with your girlfriend...and if it doesn't work out then you should NOT go back to the girlfriend because that would be very unfair to her. You want to chase after this fantasy then you should be prepared to walk away from your girlfriend forever because she deserves someone who truly loves her and is not settling for her.

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It sounds like if you don't pursue this, you'll regret it. I'd say that you should see where it can lead. But, I'd do your current girlfriend a favor and break up with her. It sounds like you're settling for her, and she deserves better. She deserves to be with the one who thinks *she's* perfect. Otherwise, you are using her. If the one from the past doesn't work out, you will find another woman who is perfect for you in other ways. Don't settle--it isn't a good thing for either of you.

 

yeah. I'd hate to be with a guy who was only 'settling' for me, as if I was not the best they could do. my boyfriend thinks I am the best in the world, and he lets me know, and it makes me so happy. she deserves that too.

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No such thing as a perfect "10" and for CAB, I seen that movie long ago with Dudley Moore and Bo Derek...me and you were thinking the same thing...It reminded me when the OP said, "10".

 

I agree with everyone on this one...it's best to breakup with the gf if you are having doubts, because I can tell you that in no way would I want to feel as though I am just being 2nd best in the heart of the guy I lovel/like...I want to be his number 1 .

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