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should i ask him or just let it go?


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i was seeing someone who i was friends with first on and off for two years. we have amazing chemistry and just a great time together. he was very supportive and everything you'd want in a significant other. we never made anything official as he had some baggage from a previous relationship that he couldnt let go of. as a result when i asked him about being on a more committed level in the relationship he basically said he didnt see himself settling down with anyone just yet and had some issues that he had to resolve before he felt he could be 100% in the relationship. he stressed how in four years he's been single i was all around best person he's met, how he was incredibly attracted to me and also trusted me which was a huge issue for him. i told him we'd stay friends but just that, i didnt want the line to be blurred any more.

 

we talked less and less as i pulled away a lot. he asked me to go out of town with him for a weekend but i declined. yesterday we were talking and he mentioned about how he started seeing someone and how he's realized that he just needs to let go of all the hurt and resentment he held from his previous relationship and just see where it goes. i felt like i broke down that wall and someone else came along and reaped the benefits.

 

i want to ask him why, why was i not good enough..why did he feel that couldnt commit to me..and now 4 months later he's giving it a shot with someone else. nothing confrontational, but sense we are friends i'd want to know what it was about me that made him feel like he shouldn't give us a chance.

should i save my pride and not bother, or should i get a peace of mind and ask?

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It sounds to me like he isnt ready for commitment even now. It almost sounds like hes commitmentphobic, and has a lot of issues.

 

It isnt that you werent good enough, and whose to say he'll commit to this woman in the end, yep its great whilst its fresh and new.

 

I wouldnt ask, you can see all you need to see about it, you need to try and move on as hard as that will be.

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welcome to enotalone. i dunno if you should ask, i think you already know the answer. you can't really 'talk him into' wanting to be with you. especially now that he met a new girl. it sounds unfortunate, but that the timing was really off. good luck

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i want to ask him why, why was i not good enough..why did he feel that couldnt commit to me..and now 4 months later he's giving it a shot with someone else. nothing confrontational...

 

Asking these questions is very confrontational and self defeating. You're assuming it has to do with you, while it very well might not.

 

 

Seems like he already gave you an answer:

 

he's realized that he just needs to let go of all the hurt and resentment he held from his previous relationship

 

People change and come to terms with their pasts. From the sounds of it that's what's going on with him. You were at the wrong place at the wrong time.

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thank you all for your prompt and insightful responses. i do agree that most likely it has very little to do with me and more with him finally getting his crap together. it just stings a bit, having proven myself to him over and over and over and over...and it got to the point where i was exhausted emotionally and had to tell him straight out, either we are all in or im out.

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From what I read, you have already gotten your answer from him. As far as answering the question on whether or not you should as him or just letting things go, I say let them go. It might be sad but remember, he has already moved on with another girl and got over his hurt now. You should be happy for him and continue to be a supportive friend.

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Sometimes what happens when you get involved with someone when they are clearly still healing emotionally from a previous relationship and not ready to commit is that we inadvertantly become their BESTIE ...because we supply everything they need in a relationship without romance or deep emtions.. we then can become more of a placebo for the next one..SAdly that seems to have happened here..he was very comfortable with you and enjoyed your company but because he wasnt in' NEW relationship ready 'mode he could not view you as more than a friend... as time went on on you then became a comfortable friend and nothing more as that is all you were able to be for him to start with, as he was emotionally unavailable.... ..now that is likely to be ALL he sees you as,, a friend.. if you had not got involved with him on that level (intimate) I bet you may have had a chance but due to timing this wasnt to be the case...I dont hold out much hope here...it truly is a case of jumping in too quick..no ones fault just lousy timing...he was not ready for romance but he is now by the sounds...

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