Jump to content

Another Lost Friend Thread


Burning_Down
5 Signs of A Strong Friendship – ...
5 Signs of A Strong Friendship – Spotting A True Friend

Recommended Posts

I haven't posted here in about 2 years and yet I find myself in the exact place I was in when I first came here. Like all good story beginnings there's this girl...

 

We've been friends for about 6 years and I've been in love with her for all 6 of them. Does she know that? I haven't told her but I guess women tend to pick up on these things.

 

We have a funny relationship. We live near each other and meet up occasionally but mostly we e-mail each other during the day at work or text each other when we're at home. We do that most days. Well...we did. Right now we're not talking and I have no idea why. This is the second time we've done this in 6 years.

 

After about a month of no chat from her I e-mailed to ask what was up. She said that "I hadn't done anything wrong, she just wasn't taking anything right". Now I only speak a little womanese but to me that says I did something wrong. I pushed the issue and she got defensive and said it wasn't like she was sending me hatemail, she just wasn't talking as much. That's an understatement. She's not talking at all.

 

This would've been fine had I left it at that, but I'm all too human. I was going through a bad patch. Everything was going wrong. I got home one night and I was furious with her. What right did she have to put me on "ignore"?! In a moment of epic childishness I deleted her from my Facebook friends.

 

I apologised a couple of days later, explained that I'd been angry and that it was childish and please could she re-add me (I can't add her because she's on an uber-private profile). So far she hasn't even though she's clearly been on FB. Fair enough, perhaps I deserved that.

 

So why the big freeze? The only thing I can even vaguely place are one or two instances a couple of months ago. I'd just helped her move into a new flat and I was leaving to go home. Assuming I was leaving without giving her a hug, she held out her arms and said "don't you love me anymore"? There was almost a tinge of panic in her voice.

 

A couple of weeks later we were out with mutual friends who we hadn't seen in a while. We spent most of the evening hanging out seperately. She beckoned me over to stand with her, I did but then a short time later I went to join some other friends. Later she came over and said "I thought you'd be over here" in an almost accusatory voice. To compound that we shared a train home and when i got off, again I didn't give her a hug goodnight. This was only because it's a bit awkward with the seats on the train. You end up looking like you're trying to put the other person in a headlock.

 

I suppose I was pulling back from her a bit though. Sometimes I have to. It's not easy loving someone you can't really be with.

 

So anyway, here I stand. None the wiser. As far as I'm concerned I think I can only leave her be for now. The primary reason for typing all of this is because I can't really talk to anyone about it. It's a ridiculous situation to be in after all this time and i can't really expect anyone to take it seriously. The secondary reason is to see if anyone has any insight into why she might be doing this. Has anyone ever done a similar thing to someone else?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You know?, sometimes we do fall for people who are nice but don't feel the same way about us. And sometimes trying to make those friendships into something else is a bad idea and we end up with nothing.

 

But I think this girl you're talking about has always known about your feelings but only cares about hers. We're talking about six years, you exchanged mails and texts, people don't do that with a normal friend, it sounds like she liked having you around for many reasons but only under her terms.

 

Her constant need for reassurance is frightening, it's like she saw you as her property and something she can get out of a box any time she wants.

 

Why did she change her mind?, she probably found another friend, one that asks back for less than you. And I'm not saying that other person is a male or her boyfriend, it can be anybody as long as her needs are being met and has everything where she wants it to be.

 

I think you know what you have to do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lol @ the headlock.

 

It's not easy loving someone you can't really be with.

 

Why is this, exactly? Did I miss something about a boyfriend? Personally, I'd be very surprised if she doesn't have feelings for you too. If neither of you have ever discussed a relationship, have you considered she may be pulling back for the same reasons you have in the past?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

But I think this girl you're talking about has always known about your feelings but only cares about hers. We're talking about six years, you exchanged mails and texts, people don't do that with a normal friend, it sounds like she liked having you around for many reasons but only under her terms.

 

Her constant need for reassurance is frightening, it's like she saw you as her property and something she can get out of a box any time she wants.

 

I think that's probably a fair assessment. I guess that was fine for both of us whilst it suited her. It didn't really require much from me that I wasn't willing to give and only becomes an issue when something like this happens.

 

Why did she change her mind?, she probably found another friend, one that asks back for less than you. And I'm not saying that other person is a male or her boyfriend, it can be anybody as long as her needs are being met and has everything where she wants it to be.

 

That may well be the case.

 

I think you know what you have to do.

 

I do. Giving up on her may well be the worst thing or the best thing I can do. At this point though, it's low risk.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Why is this, exactly? Did I miss something about a boyfriend?

 

Not as far as I'm aware, though subject to the above that may have changed.

 

Personally, I'd be very surprised if she doesn't have feelings for you too. If neither of you have ever discussed a relationship

 

Years ago we discussed it. She wasn't sure, so we dropped it.

 

have you considered she may be pulling back for the same reasons you have in the past?

 

I considered that...but I think it's unlikely - at least that she's doing that consciously. She won't talk to me at all.

 

Anyway, though I love her dearly, I think she has a lot of issues. I'm not even sure it would be a good idea if she did like me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...