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needing sleep and advice...18 year age gap and can't bring myself to care...


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I'm nineteen and I just started a summer job dishwashing. One of the cooks is thirty-seven, and - ridiculous as this is - we just clicked. Immediately. We spend our days alternatively flirting and then, realizing what we're doing, ignoring the sparks and just trying to work together. When we're not flirting or ignoring, we talk about everything under the sun. When I walk into the kitchen and see that it's him working, it makes my day. Neither of us can stop smiling for the first hour of the shift, and even then we just look over at each other and start grinning again.

This has been going on for two weeks, but it's getting more and more out in the open. We're attracted to each other and know it, but where to go from here?

We're both uncomfortable with the age difference. He seems to feel like it makes him a little pathetic and lecherous, and I wonder what's wrong with me that I can't learn to act my age. I'm just not interested in partying and pot-smoking and all of the other things nineteen-year-olds get up to.

But I'm only mature in some ways. I'm still a virgin, and I don't know if that's off-putting for an older guy or not. It's something I'd have to be upfront about if we did try to make something of this, and I'm worried about his reaction.

Please...any advice at all would be ridiculously helpful. What am I DOING?

Is this something I should run from or pursue? If I ran I'd be running from one of the kindest people I know, and I'm pretty certain he'd feel he should let me go.

Help.

Is it even close to normal for a nineteen year old girl to be a virgin? I've been in situations before where it could have happened, but I want the first time to mean something...

Will this make him think I'm a child?

What have I gotten myself into?

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Completely normal to be a virgin at 19. Do it when you're ready, that's the important thing, not how old you are.

 

That sounds amazinghaving that kind of connection so instantly with someone. Like waveseer said, do you need this job? If things went badly between you two for some reason, could you move on or do you absolutely have to keep this job safe?

 

It's one hell of an age gap, but it might be worth it. You're not underage. There's no actual 'normal' age group you should fall for, you're just more likely to socialise with and find attractive people your own age. You've met someone you click with, good for you

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Hun, nothing wrong with being a virgin!! I appauled you for it It should mean something special to you, not just go out and do it because you feel you have to or that your weird for being a virgin cause your NOT!!

 

As far as age difference. Yeah 18 is a bit steep. Nothing wrong with being friends with this guy tho and just keeping it a friendship at work. Flirting is a normal thing, it doesn't have to mean you have feelings for someone, sometimes flirting can just make you feel good about yourself, a tiny self esteem booster if you will. I would just enjoy the time you guys have at work with one another, since it makes the work place a bit more enjoyable, you know?? I wouldn't pursue it any farther then the work place tho.

 

As far as guys your age. Most are just looking for hanky-panky and nothing very serious yet. If your ready for a serious realtionship tho, I'd say date an older guy but nobody more then 10 years older then you!!! I noticed guys a few years older then me are a bit more mature and by now should know what they want Good luck!

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But I'm only mature in some ways.

I'm still a virgin.

It's something I'd have to be upfront about if we did try to make something of this.

I've been in situations before where it could have happened, but I want the first time to mean something...

 

The above all proves your one of the most mature 19 year olds (i believe along side me ).

 

I cant offer a huge amount of advice because i had a similar situation but after some poking and prodding i found out it could not even happen.

 

I am pretty close with this woman, where bringing this up would not and did not affect my job or our relationship. I simply asked her thoughts on dating someone around my age. She told me her thoughts and that was that.

 

At your own risk, you can do the same. Maybe he really likes you, but in terms of actually dating you or being with you are out of the question. Perhaps the age gap and the fact your co-workers decide no for him.

 

It could be any # of things, maybe he is all for it but just does not think it could actually work in terms of a long real relationship.

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I was like you about a year and a half ago. I met my boyfriend who is 13yrs older than me. I was a 22yr old virgin when I met him and right from the start he respected that. I believe in taking a chance. My boyfriend and I work together and we continue to be together, we do have our ups and downs due to the age difference but something good is worth fighting for, don’t you agree? If you don’t follow your feelings then you will always have the “what if?” feeling. I believe you should ask him if he would date someone your age. This way you would do what to can to try to pursue something that is obviously something you want and if he doesn’t want it, you will never look back and wonder “what if?”

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well.. go slow. terribly slow.

and realize that its typically a bad idea regardless of age to work with a boyfriend or to date in this environment.

its terribly uncomfortable if something goes wrong.

 

have fun!!!!!

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Yeah-I'm not one to talk about the age gap, as I'm dating a guy 17 yrs my junior! However, he's not 19. I don't go for guys younger than 23 - lol

 

BUT the key thing here is that you WORK with the guy. Work relationships are ALWAYS a bad idea. Wait til you're no longer workign together before you even CONSIDER dating him. Until then, harmless flirtation can be fun.

 

well.. go slow. terribly slow.

and realize that its typically a bad idea regardless of age to work with a boyfriend or to date in this environment.

its terribly uncomfortable if something goes wrong.

 

have fun!!!!!

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Wow...thanks for the responses. So much. I feel a lot better about this just having people know about it.

I don't need the job; I actually have a better one lined up and am planning on quitting in about a week.

He's NOT seeing anyone at all.

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Dear Awake, go for it. I am now 43 when I was 35 I worked in a healthcatre situation with a 17 yr old girl I had an incredible connection with. I of course would never let on how I felt. 3 yrs later she showed up at a lecture I gave and we reunited. She started texing me and told me she had kept my number on her frige and cherished the times I had visited her in the hospital. Long story short we truly fell in love. We loved and cuddled and slept in the same bed but we never went all the way. It was incredible and I would have waited however long she wanted. I unfortunaly lost my special girl to a seziure 3 yrs ago. Love is love and it does not matter. Go slow, make shure he stays a gentelman with you, and love him good.

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  • 1 year later...

Who are you to tell this girl that 10 years is the limit? The age gap in my relationship ( A word I can actually spell) is 19 years and we are both very happy. Look around this site and you will see many couples with a 20 year plus difference who are happy and fulfilled. If two people can be happy together then screw cultural values and norms. Love, honesty, and mutual respect in another person can be hard to find and when you do find it don't let age get in the way.

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"Between you and me" meanin...
"Between you and me" meaning | Common English Idioms #shorts

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