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My b/f broke up with me last night, not the first time


aussielis

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been with my b/f for over a year, had ups and downs, he was very jealous of me at the start, didn't like me going out without him and would check up on me. i don't really go out now just to keep the peace.

i was strong at the start but not now.

we have been fighting lots lately, he get really angry and punches walls and has thrown my clothes outside (we don't live together) he keep saying when he is angry that he wants to get rid of me and doesnt wanna be with me, cos he thinks im negative. the only negative i say is if ive had a an issue at work etc but don't all woman do that?i also am having issue's with my flatmate who isn't being very nice and also i think she is not happy cos im still with this guy and dont go out with her anymore.

last night everything was all good and he was ringing me throughout the day and asks me to come over, (i had planned to go shopping) and said i would see him the next nigh, .2 hours later he rings me and says he isn't happy and that im negative and vindictive???im not sure where that all came from? he wont answer my calls?what is going on and what do i do?

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I think he's just really being insecure about you and sometimes misses you a lot. He also sounds like he wants you to be right there for him when he needs you and because he doesn't seem to know how to control his feelings, anger and disappointment, he shows it in such ways.

 

I know I feel let down when I really need my boyfriend and he's not around but I don't go getting mad at him. So, I think your boyfriend feels let down too and a little betrayed which is why he gets mad and breaks up with you, hoping you'll run back into his arms.

 

It's human nature to want that but it's starting to put a stress on you. I suggest you have a talk with him if you haven't already? And try getting him into something addictive that he can do and people he can hang out with when you're not around to boost him. ^^ I think he misses the positive boosts you give him except when you turn him down for things.

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First off girl, stop calling. He sounds like my ex, controlling and looking for attention. With that said, he sounds like he is showing A lot of aggressive behavior that I think you should be careful with a person like this. In order for a healthy relationship to work, two people must openly trust each other and be able to live there own lifes without pressure from the other. Yes sometimes you have to meet someone half way, but you should never let or be controling. Relationships like that do not work out, and when they end, they end badly. My advice (sorry for no paragraphing, I answer with my phone since I am without an internet source at the moment) is that you stop and take a step back. Are you truly happy with this guy? Is he treating you right? Do you feel like you are walking on eggshells? I would relax and take a little breather and think about all these things. When we go through a breakup we tend to be put in panic mode and we often think with our emotions and not logic. Nothing will change with this man unless you stand up and be a strong woman. If he can't behave like a SO should behave then maybe you should relook into if he is right for you. Keep strong

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and i dont understand why is saying im negative and vindicitive? he is starting to make me believe that i am...

 

He says these things to control you. He's the one who isn't acting right in this relationship, but he's trying to shift the blame onto you. He's trying to make you feel like you're the bad one, and it seems like it's working. You've stopped going out entirely because of this guy, and you're starting to think you're "negative and vindictive" just because you planned to go shopping. Whenever you don't do what he wants, he's going to say things like this to you so that next time, you'll stay in or hang out with him instead of going out and living your life.

 

Also, the dude punches walls and throws your things outside. This shows that he doesn't know how to control his anger or respect your things, and that's scary. What if next time he hits you instead of the wall? Get away from this guy!

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Um he didn't get upset cos i went shopping, he asked me over and told him i was shopping and hung up 2 hours later he rings telling me he wants to break up and is unhappy because im negative and vindictive he also tell's me he has never had so much anger in him and its cos of me and he will get sick if he doesnt stop?

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but he say's im really negative so why would he miss that? he is really keen to end it because of this? what do i do?

 

Remember the times when people get mad and won't tell you the real reason why they're mad at you and uses another excuse instead?

 

He probably meant you're negative and vindictive when you won't drop things and go straight over to him. This is when he feels really rejected and feels like his heart has been broken especially if he's really lonely or something. Sometimes, when this happens, the person in pain would want to inflict the same level of pain on the person who caused it. Or even punish the person hence, the breakup.

 

But other times, you probably mean the world to him which is probably why he wants you to be with him a lot or if he just wants control over you. I don't really know the other particulars of this relationship so I can't really judge if he just loves too much or if he's controlling in particular but I'm sure you would know best.

 

You sound like you really love this guy and would want to keep trying and I wouldn't suggest you let go of him without trying too. People have problems and sometimes you just have to work it out for it to work. However, this doesn't mean you should take all the blame or put up with everything he puts you through. If he ever hits you, get out of there, girl, promise us this.

 

I guess the only way to continue this relationship again, if you want to, is to initiate a meeting. If he won't pick up calls, message him or email him. If he doesn't reply, cool off for a couple of days. Does he break up and make up a lot?

 

At the meeting, you'll have to sort through the issues you've been facing so things don't go back to where they were. Try asking him what he meant by you were negative and vindictive, let him know about how you feel about this situation, about how stressed you are by things he's been putting you through, how you feel when he punches walls and throws your clothes out then finally addressing the issue of his uncontrollable anger and that things are going to have to change. I'd say get him to get some counselling for the anger as well but people don't usually want to go so see how he reacts to the issue and then start with a book or online article?

 

After writing all that, I'm starting to feel guilty >.> and really wonder if this guy is abusive in any way verbally or physically apart from calling you negative and vindictive and throwing your clothes out and really hope you'll be okay. He really sounds like he has an issue with his anger, make it's dealt with and he never hits you!!! And after you've tried your hardest and don't think it's working, maybe it's time to cut yourself loose.

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he told me im negative cos im a product of my up bringing, i.e. my mum watches current affair tv shows. (i only watch them at his house) but he say's i get too involved with all that crap???

im also not caring enough and only think of myself?

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he told me im negative cos im a product of my up bringing, i.e. my mum watches current affair tv shows. (i only watch them at his house) but he say's i get too involved with all that crap???

im also not caring enough and only think of myself?

 

i was also online here last night and he came in and flicked off he now things im seeing a guy online?

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Um he didn't get upset cos i went shopping, he asked me over and told him i was shopping and hung up 2 hours later he rings telling me he wants to break up and is unhappy because im negative and vindictive he also tell's me he has never had so much anger in him and its cos of me and he will get sick if he doesnt stop?

 

It doesn't make a difference. He got pissed off because you were out having a life and doing something and couldn't hang out with him, and then tried to make you feel bad about it. It's something he has no right to be angry about.

 

Basically, everyone here is trying to tell you this guy is an a-hole and isn't treating you right. Have you thought at all that it might be time to break up with him?

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so why am i feeling so crap?

 

Feeling crap is understandable. The end of any relationship that you've invested time, effort and emotion into is painful, even if you know the person sucks and you deserve better. The important thing to remind yourself of is that a relationship of this kind will only get worse as time goes on, and if you stay you'll feel even crappier in the long run. Be strong and do what is best for yourself, even if it's difficult.

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he told me im negative cos im a product of my up bringing, i.e. my mum watches current affair tv shows. (i only watch them at his house) but he say's i get too involved with all that crap???

im also not caring enough and only think of myself?

 

Whaaat?? The fact that your mum watches current affair TV shows should be a big plus for someone 'normal'. Please read others' posts very carefully - this guy is trying to close your life down by his controlling behaviour such that any self esteem you have left depends ENTIRELY on him and the emotional scraps that he throws you. THIS is one of the reasons why you feel so bad - he has taken you so far down that losing this complete and utter loser doesn't even seem something positive for you.

 

Believe me, you HAVE to get him out of your life. This will NOT stop until you make it and it WILL get worse. You have to get out now before you end up in a place you really don't deserve to be.

 

Please listen honey, and get out of there now. Take care.

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why would he act like this?

 

You keep asking why he's acting this way, and we've answered it a dozen times by now. The guy is an a-hole. That's why he acts like this. It's not you, it's him. You seem to be searching for some alternate answer, maybe one that will give you some hope that there is something you can do to change his behavior, but there isn't. This is just the way certain people act in relationships, and they rarely change. You know what you have to do.

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i just keep blaming myself, he keeps coming up with all these reasons and saying he wants to end it cos im negative etc. apparently last week he rang me and said he would call back as neighbour was knocking, 2hours later no call and i needed help with something so i rang back 2 hours later and said 'you still talking to neighbour' in a joking way, he kept saying 'whats wrong'???like he was paranoid that i was upset?

he told me he was really annoyed how i said that to him about the neighbour?was that bad of me?

he never really goes out with his friends on weekend cos i think he worries i will go out!!!but this weekend he is going to go out with a 2 mates from school, does this weird? he never really goes out?

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maybe i should go out with my friends on weekend, might make him not take me for granted but then he will think im up to no good...

he was nice at the start but then when i went out a few times this is when he became nasty so i think maybe i did this to him?

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Your Boyfriend Left You - So What?
Your Boyfriend Left You - So What?

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