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I feel really alone


mr me

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Ive always been a person that liked being by myself more than around other people. I guess that all changed when i met my first ex. It was a very toxic relationship but it was the first time i ever felt like i had someone. Ive basically spent my whole life not connecting with people or relating. I dont really get along with my family either. I sometimes dont know how i was born this way eventho that sounds strange. I dont see myself to be anything like anyone. I sometimes wonder if im doing this to myself but even when ive been around people, it hasnt always been good experiences. Anyone ive ever been close to has left me and for pretty much no reason. Its just they changed mostly or they moved. Im trying to see how some people actually like it how people are different but i dont really get along well with people who are really different then me. Im a non-conformist, shy but outgoing, introverted, still struggling alot with depression and anxiety, have a pretty messed up past and for whatever reason dont seem to fit in. I can say that they are usually good reasons why i dont fit in because im not someone that follows what society does but being alone is a very troubling thing to deal with.

 

I basically end up most of the day not talking to anyone that im around in my house. I used to spend alot of my time in my own world but it wasnt a good thing because it wasnt so easy for me to deal with the real world. I also had a very painful break-up from my ex that im still dealing with the scars and that was a very long time ago. I probably almost really lost it when it all happened because it was like my bubble completely burst. The only person i really cared about left me and in someways i probably cared more about her then myself which im trying to work on. I just feel like im one of those tragic, conflicted, and pretty much depressing people because im still trying to deal with my own issues before i can really do anything with my life. I guess i should learn to slow it down but thats a whole other issue. I end up trying to joke about how people get put in solitary confinement for toture or for jail and thats pretty much what my life has been like. Its just if you think about it thats not really that funny. Ive read something once about intellectuals that end up pretty much resenting people because they didnt have the best time with people growing up because they just didnt fit in. I guess that can kinda be an excuse but i can relate to that alot. Im like on a whole different planet then most people if not all people. I guess im starting to get myself depressed so ill stop but i just kinda wonder how im supposed to get my life from where its at now to a better place.

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First of all, you need a really big hug. *hugs*

 

I'm just like you. Sometimes people don't understand me or think I'm anti-social just cause I want to be alone than be with other people most of the time but I was lucky cause I had very caring friends then. I don't remember how I came out of that situation but once I moved to another country for tertiary studies, the hardship kinda forced us to be more social.

 

All I can say is try to meet more new people and who knows, you might end up liking them. If your ex could love you, I'm certain other people can like you too! If it's hard for different people to understand you, try with people of similar interests first, for instance, people with the same hobby!

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I completely understand you.

 

While I don't connect with many people, I really dislike being by myself most of the time and actually used to have many friends. I was with my ex and spent all my time with him these last few years. Now trying to jump back into the social world, I'm finding I cannot click with many people and don't fit in. Many people I don't like but I still feel so alone. I was stuck in that rut before with my ex, it is very hard to even try and connect with people and I feel like I'm trying to play catchup on living life.

 

You are not alone in feeling really depressed about this. It gets me down very often and I'm sure it does numerous people. I am still really bad at trying to get outside my box and extend myself to people. But this is what you need to do. You might come to like someone more after first glance, and vice versa.

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I just feel like i got into the habit of seeing what i didnt like about people to where it just kept growing. Its now more things i dont like about people then i actually like. I also feel like my ex betrayed me so much and she had alot if not all the qualities i looked for in people. Its just weird to see someone pretty much become a totally different person. She basically just did whatever she wanted to get away from me which i never understood. Ive started to understand it little by little but all i can see is how she must have been different from me to do something like that. I also end up feeling like i want someone to fill that void but it doesnt work like that. I also have alot of resentment because i was too good to people and probably still am and dont really know how to balance that out. I then have all my personal issues that has basically made my life impossible to deal with. So i end up having enough things that make me different and then have alot of difficult times as well that im just trying to not focus on too much. I just dont know how you can feel good about life in general if this is how its been like for your whole life.

 

Im trying to see if your anti-social or not it doesnt matter because all it comes down to is if your able to meet the right type of people that interest you. Im also trying to see if ill be able to get outside of my comfort zone because i dont think i could be like this forever. I also know its not always easy for people to get along with me either so i guess it goes both ways. Its just I always see how alone i am and its hard to really see how that will change. Also even if it does you never really know what to expect. I really just wish i could find something that works for me and it stays that way but thats not how it always works. Im also an introvert so being outside of my comfort zone too much can actually be painful.

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I'm an intellectual and I know exactly how you feel. I unconsciously alienate people because they think I'm aloof and cold ,but that's just my defense mechanism. I think it's good to sort out your own issues before getting into another relationship. Mostly, I need help convincing myself that other people have problems too, not everyone is perfect. Then, I need to figure out how to care about them and their problems..haha!

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I dont really know how to deal with that problem your having because it ends up being a damned if you do damned if you dont. Alot of the time i feel like people dont have problems because im not around people. Its easy to say everyone has problems but until you see that, it doesnt always click. So thats not easy to do when you dont get along with alot of people. I think being an intellectual is a very tough thing because being smart is good but then the bad side of it is that you pretty much living in a different world then most people. I think some people are lucky and go to college and might meet other people like them but thats not a sure thing. I also agree on dealing with your own issues but again its a catch 22, damned if you do or dont. I need to deal with my own issues but i also am really alone in my life right now. So that causes me to do things that would make people not really feel comfortable around me because im basically trying too hard. It would sound easy to just try to be ok being by yourself but its not always so simple.

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