clobsy Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 so the conclusion is i write her off because of this one thing? i like this person and feel like making a mistake without giving her another chance... i am not responding to the email nor am i going to go to her cubicle tomorrow and ask her again... however if she stops by and asks me for the walk next week what should i do? Link to comment
perplunk Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 so the conclusion is i write her off because of this one thing? i like this person and feel like making a mistake without giving her another chance... i am not responding to the email nor am i going to go to her cubicle tomorrow and ask her again... however if she stops by and asks me for the walk next week what should i do? I think the key here is she didn't apologize. Not only did she not show up, but she didn't even apologize for being so forgetful. If she stops by and asks you then I might give her another chance but I'd really be looking for an apology. Otherwise I'd say Mutley is likely right, this is a clear indication that this is how she likes to treat people. Link to comment
clobsy Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 I think the key here is she didn't apologize. Not only did she not show up, but she didn't even apologize for being so forgetful. If she stops by and asks you then I might give her another chance but I'd really be looking for an apology. Otherwise I'd say Mutley is likely right, this is a clear indication that this is how she likes to treat people. i have a feeling that she might have assumed that it was at 3pm.... when we went for the second lunch we had planned at 12:15. but she was surprised to see me at 12:15 because she thought 1:15... but she still came out with me... i do not know anything about her... she is really sweet... otherwise i wouldn't consider dating her. Link to comment
perplunk Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 i have a feeling that she might have assumed that it was at 3pm.... when we went for the second lunch we had planned at 12:15. but she was surprised to see me at 12:15 because she thought 1:15... but she still came out with me... i do not know anything about her... she is really sweet... otherwise i wouldn't consider dating her. Hey I think we have all been there... The girl seems really sweet, she would never do something unkind, etc... In the end she is human, capable of all the evil things that we humans do. Call her out on it... So she has a bad memory? Don't we all? She can't take the time to write something down? If she came to me and asked about it, then I'd confront her on it. If the apology/excuse didn't seem real: drop it... Link to comment
coyote1980 Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Yeah it's rude. Knowing the whole story behind this, I say you wait till she approaches you. She says next week. If she makes plans, then consider going. Link to comment
clobsy Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 Hey I think we have all been there... The girl seems really sweet, she would never do something unkind, etc... In the end she is human, capable of all the evil things that we humans do. Call her out on it... So she has a bad memory? Don't we all? She can't take the time to write something down? If she came to me and asked about it, then I'd confront her on it. If the apology/excuse didn't seem real: drop it... by 'confront her' what exactly you mean? should i ask her why she sent the email so late? won't i come accross as hyper-sensitive guy that gets annoyed for such a simple thing?? Link to comment
coyote1980 Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 by 'confront her' what exactly you mean? should i ask her why she sent the email so late? won't i come accross as hyper-sensitive guy that gets annoyed for such a simple thing?? That's kinda.....creepy since you guys are just co-workers at this point. I wouldn't do that if I were you. Link to comment
sandrawg Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 What's the problem with sending her an email reply or something just gently saying he's disappointed she didn't let him know earlier? That's kinda.....creepy since you guys are just co-workers at this point. I wouldn't do that if I were you. Link to comment
clobsy Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 That's kinda.....creepy since you guys are just co-workers at this point. I wouldn't do that if I were you. that's exactly what i thought too.... i would come accross as a super-sensitive guy... Link to comment
perplunk Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 by 'confront her' what exactly you mean? should i ask her why she sent the email so late? won't i come accross as hyper-sensitive guy that gets annoyed for such a simple thing?? I mean that if she came and asked you, I'd show my displeasure with how she acted. Don't give her a free ride to be flaky just because she has different reproductive organs. Now... I don't mean be overly-confrontational, but I would ask her to explain herself. If you want to keep it light you can make it a joke "You're so forgetful X, how do I know you will remember this time?" Again... Only if she comes to you though. If she doesn't mention anything about it, I'd say she wasn't interested. Link to comment
clobsy Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 I mean that if she came and asked you, I'd show my displeasure with how she acted. Don't give her a free ride to be flaky just because she has different reproductive organs. Now... I don't mean be overly-confrontational, but I would ask her to explain herself. If you want to keep it light you can make it a joke "You're so forgetful X, how do I know you will remember this time?" Again... Only if she comes to you though. If she doesn't mention anything about it, I'd say she wasn't interested. yea... i did not reply to her email... and i am not going to go and ask her again... IF she comes to me and talks about the walk next week then i will agree... may be i can lightly confront her by saying "what happened? you could have told me a bit earlier right?" Link to comment
sandrawg Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 I don't think it makes him hyper-sensitive. So many of us on this forum have said we'd feel the same way...pretty put off and disrespected. Clobsy, I'd say it makes you normal, not hypersensitive. You gotta set boundaries with people or they will walk all over you. If anything she'll probably respect you more for sticking up for yourself. Link to comment
clobsy Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 I don't think it makes him hyper-sensitive. So many of us on this forum have said we'd feel the same way...pretty put off and disrespected. Clobsy, I'd say it makes you normal, not hypersensitive. You gotta set boundaries with people or they will walk all over you. If anything she'll probably respect you more for sticking up for yourself. thanx.. so what exactly should i ask her? Link to comment
sandrawg Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 I would maybe say, I'm looking forward to rescheduling our walk, but please, if you're going to cancel or if you think you will be late, can you give me more advanced notice this time? Link to comment
jaycee00 Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 I don't think you should confront her too harshly. You have a right to be a little upset, but if you get real upset, it shows little emotional control and self-mastery. Keep it in check, you can ask how come she didn't tell you earlier and what not, but don't get worked up over it. There will be plenty of opportunities if you seize them in the future, so really, you shouldn't care much. EDIT* Reading what sandrawg says kinda sounds like letting her walk on you. "oh please tell me ahead of time if it doesn't trouble you too much." Nah. *Tell* me ahead of time if you're going to cancel again. Link to comment
JenniferSNJ Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 yea... we went for 2 lunches and planned to walk on the trail today at 2pm... i was planning to ask her out for dinner during the walk.... but as you can see nothing happened since she did not come to office.... but i have to say that i like her and am very reluctant to just write her off because of this one thing... she is a bit forgetful.. when we went for the second lunch i said i will stop by her cubicle at 12:15 but she thought 1:15... but she still dropped what was she doing and came with me... i don't know... i am confused now Both the email she sent and what you say here makes me believe she is selfish because (a) she didn't even apologize or take responsibility for blowing oyu off. (b) she makes excuses with no regard to you as a person. please run. Link to comment
clobsy Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 I would maybe say, I'm looking forward to rescheduling our walk, but please, if you're going to cancel or if you think you will be late, can you give me more advanced notice this time? so you mean i reply to her email with that message? i am planning not to reply to her email and also not to go to her cubicle tomorrow and talk to her... IF she stops by to my cubicle and asks me for the walk then i am planning to accept.. but i also want to let her know that i was displeased in a not too harsh way.. how do i do that? Link to comment
JenniferSNJ Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 I might just write back. Hey x, Okay. See you at the office tomorrow. x Keep it short, she did. Link to comment
clobsy Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 Both the email she sent and what you say here makes me believe she is selfish because (a) she didn't even apologize or take responsibility for blowing oyu off. (b) she makes excuses with no regard to you as a person. please run. i wouldn't judge her that harshly and call her selfish.... the previous time she assumed 1:15 when i stopped by at 12:15 but the most important thing is she dropped what she was doing and came out with me. i think that was sweet of her. Link to comment
JenniferSNJ Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 closby-- well you know her best, so maybe do what your intuition tells you? Link to comment
clobsy Posted May 29, 2009 Author Share Posted May 29, 2009 closby-- well you know her best, so maybe do what your intuition tells you? yes.. i think she is a sweet girl.... guaranteed i did not like what she did today i would not go to the extent of writing her off based on this 1 incident overlooking the fact she was so ready to go for those 2 lunches with me... my intuition tells me this.. this is my plan - i am planning not to reply to her email and also not to go to her cubicle tomorrow and talk to her... IF she stops by my cubicle and asks me for the walk then i am planning to accept.. but i also want to let her know that i was displeased in a not too harsh way.. how do i do that? Link to comment
JenniferSNJ Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 hmm. good question. you could try making a joke of it, but in a way that she knows it annoyed you... if she asks you, you could say: okay deal. as long as you aren't going to stand me up again! but I mean, you have to say it with a smile and keep it light-hearted. If you do it in a forceful way, you'll seem like a jerk. More than likely, if you do it right, she'll go into a million excuses explaining her behavior and will explain she won't do it again, etc. She'll know you didn't like it, you're willing to try it again, and that you aren't going to let her get away with no accountability on these things. Link to comment
clobsy Posted May 29, 2009 Author Share Posted May 29, 2009 hmm. good question. you could try making a joke of it, but in a way that she knows it annoyed you... if she asks you, you could say: okay deal. as long as you aren't going to stand me up again! but I mean, you have to say it with a smile and keep it light-hearted. If you do it in a forceful way, you'll seem like a jerk. More than likely, if you do it right, she'll go into a million excuses explaining her behavior and will explain she won't do it again, etc. She'll know you didn't like it, you're willing to try it again, and that you aren't going to let her get away with no accountability on these things. thx Jen.. can i say "yea sure.. as long as you are not planning to work from home again and letting me know about it very late" ?? Link to comment
JenniferSNJ Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 thx Jen.. can i say "yea sure.. as long as you are not planning to work from home again and letting me know about it very late" ?? It's all about how you say it, honestly. You can basically say anything in the world and if you say it the right way- it's okay. Keep a smile, that will be the most important thing. I mean, I would say "as long as you're not going to stand me up again!" and then when she starts making excuses be like, "yeah... 45 minutes AFTER we were supposed to meet... I have a lot of important things to do ya know, like putting together puzzles and feeding my cats and helping old ladies cross the street." I mean, this is me, I would make up ridiculous things that are so unimportant just to keep it light... but I would play with it. And if she kept apologizing, I would laugh and tell her she could make it up to me over dinner on X day at x time. (See, I'd use this as a way to actually ask her out.) And on a side note--- this puts you in charge of the situation of her having to make it up to you, which women are pretty quickly to oblige to imo. I love it when a guy calls me out on my ***. But I'm ridiculous. You have to do what works for you. But now that I think of it, I do this technique a lot in my everyday life and people are pretty receptive to it. Link to comment
clobsy Posted May 29, 2009 Author Share Posted May 29, 2009 i feel a bit reluctant to use the term "stood up" with her because its not like we are already dating... we have just gone for lunch 2 times... i was planning to formally ask her out for dinner during the walk.... Link to comment
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