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Best Friend Getting Engaged.. & Its All Wrong


problematic1
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OK so, my best friend has been with her boyfriend for almost 3 years.. he is really good to her and i 100% approve of him... so its not HIM thats the problem, its the engagement...

 

I want hers to be *perfect* *blissful* *amazing*

 

..... so he told her that he went and talked to her mom privately, and that he spoke with his parents about the same thing. DUUHHH!!!!

 

How is he gonna tell her that and not expect her to pretty much KNOW what is going on??

 

Engagements are supposed to be special and surprising... like seriously.

 

it gets worse... he told her he was taking her out saturday night to her favorite restaurant and to dress up because he was asking her an important question..... DUUHH!!!!!!! again!

 

She totally knows what is going to happen. He texted me when he got the ring and i was so excited for her!! we were talking about the ring and how he was gonna ask her.. we were both really excited... then he texted me a couple of days later and said that he told her he was gonna ask her saturday night.

 

what is special about that??? could you imagine KNOWING that someone is going to propose to you over dinner??? sitting there just expecting it... part of proposing to someone is surprising them... thats what makes it so special.

 

When i got engaged, i had NO IDEA. i still didnt even know what was going on when he got down on one knee. It only registered to me what was happening when he pulled out the ring.. I was so shocked that I laughed and cried at the same time... i said yes and just cried and laughed and hugged him... it was really a moment ill remember all my life.... and i want hers to be that special too....

 

but im just sitting here thinking "how could it be so special like that when she KNOWS its going to happen???"

 

ahhh, i just dont know what to do

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seems to me you are vicariously living through your friend. somewhere along the line you forgot where your life ends and hers begins.

now may be a good time to keep your nose closer to your own business. as in... stop criticizing their relationship and engagement so much.

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seems to me you are vicariously living through your friend. somewhere along the line you forgot where your life ends and hers begins.

now may be a good time to keep your nose closer to your own business. as in... stop criticizing their relationship and engagement so much.

 

Couldn't have said it better myself.

 

I don't see a problem here at all. It's her relationship. If she seems happy, be happy for her. It's not "all wrong". What's "wrong" is if he's no good for her and abuses her or something. This seems reallllllly trivial in relation to other things. It's her engagment, not yours.

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Maybe what you feel makes for a special engagement is the surprise factor, but for her it's something different. Maybe she just doesn't care -- the fact that the man she loves is wanting to make a lifelong committment to her is quite special in itself!

 

Personally, as long as it's someone who I love and want to spend my life with, exactly how they propose is a minor factor.

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My best friend got a very similar proposal--he tried to make it nonchalont about asking her mother when she was out of the room but she knew what he was doing. He took her out to a nice dinner. She knew what was coming. He asked her when they got home. She knew he was gonna ask that night.

 

She wouldn't have had it any other way b/c she knew they were in love and wanted to get married.

 

Yea I'd prefer the surprise too but some people aren't worried about that. Stay out of it.

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If he had this big build up and said "I have an important question to ask you" and then asked her over the champagne: "Do you like the Dodgers or the Rams" - that would be wrong.

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If he had this big build up and said "I have an important question to ask you" and then asked her over the champagne: "Do you like the Dodgers or the Rams" - that would be wrong.

 

but then AFTERWARDS, during make-up sex (since naturally they'd have a row over that silly question!), if he says 'just kidding will you marry me!' it'd be alright. hahaha

 

though seriously, like everyone else said, her marriage not yours. I'm actually a bit shocked that people would be ~totally surprised~ by the question. like I already know we're gonna get married, it's not such a big deal haha. and he already knows I'd say yes, regardless of how he proposed.

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ahhh, i just dont know what to do

 

You smile and act happy for your friend when she tells you.

 

Other than that, nothing because it's none of your business.

 

Tbh, I don't think many people are surprised by getting engaged. The important bit is that you have a good marriage afterwards.

 

Unless of course, they don't have a wedding you approve of either.

 

Seriously, the bigger the build up, the more you expect from the fantasy, the more of a let down the real life is going to be.

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seems to me you are vicariously living through your friend. somewhere along the line you forgot where your life ends and hers begins.

now may be a good time to keep your nose closer to your own business. as in... stop criticizing their relationship and engagement so much.

 

lol are you serious?

She is my best friend ive known her since kindergarten, Why would i be living through her?????

 

Ive already gotten engaged, so it makes no sense to me why you would say i am living through her??

 

and yes actually it is my business, because she is my best friend. and her boyfriend TOLD me he was proposing before he ever told her. so yea, it is kind of my business

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lol are you serious?

She is my best friend ive known her since kindergarten, Why would i be living through her?????

 

Ive already gotten engaged, so it makes no sense to me why you would say i am living through her??

 

and yes actually it is my business, because she is my best friend. and her boyfriend TOLD me he was proposing before he ever told her. so yea, it is kind of my business

 

Are you marrying them? It's your business in a sense that you want her to be happy and to have a good engagement, but it's none of your business how he does it b/c you're not the one getting engaged to him.

 

Unless he's abusing her or using her, then you need to stay out of their relationship.

 

Let's say there IS a problem here, say someone for some reason agrees with you that there's a problem with the way he's proposing. What the hell is the solution? There's not one. What are you going to do? Bust in the restaurant and tell him it's a bad way to propose? Tell her how he's going to do it and ruin the moment for her? Certainly not.

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Its not your business because its not YOUR relationship. She's an independent person in her own relationship and this is how its going, and you as her best friend should be there for her and be happy for her.

Thats what you do.

 

Just because he told doesn't mean you need to interfere.

He may have told you because he's excited, he wanted to tell someone, and who better than her best friend.

I don't think he did it so you could stick your nose in and interfere, no offence.

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all of you people are being ridiculous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

quit saying its not my business because, clearly, it is. If it were none of my business then he wouldnt have told me.

 

And also, yes... many people are surprised by their engagements. Of course the asker knows the other person is going to say yes, but its the surprise of it all that makes it special.

 

there is nothing more romantic than a completely not expected proposal.

 

like i said, i couldnt imagine sitting there expecting to be asked.

 

whatever, obviously you people dont have best friends of 20 years that are about to get engaged and you want them to have the best night of their lives.

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all of you people are being ridiculous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

quit saying its not my business because, clearly, it is. If it were none of my business then he wouldnt have told me.

 

And also, yes... many people are surprised by their engagements. Of course the asker knows the other person is going to say yes, but its the surprise of it all that makes it special.

 

there is nothing more romantic than a completely not expected proposal.

 

like i said, i couldnt imagine sitting there expecting to be asked.

 

whatever, obviously you people dont have best friends of 20 years that are about to get engaged and you want them to have the best night of their lives.

 

Actually, I do have a best friend of 20 years. And when my other best friend of 13 years got engaged, I knew how her husband was going to do it (very similar to the way your friend's boyfriend is going to do it, actually). It wasn't my ideal way but I wished him luck and said I was happy for him. That's the last I could do.

 

What is your solution, then, if it's a problem?

 

And do you want people to agree with you? Clearly no one is. So what are you looking for then?

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did i SAY i was going to interfere???

did i SAY i was going to ruin anything????

did i even mention anything about telling him how to do it or telling him it was wrong???

 

no.

 

i said i was frustrated with it because i want it to be perfect for her.

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did i SAY i was going to interfere???

did i SAY i was going to ruin anything????

did i even mention anything about telling him how to do it or telling him it was wrong???

 

no.

 

i said i was frustrated with it because i want it to be perfect for her.

 

then why are you writing? To get people to agree with you? Just curious.

 

Maybe it will be perfect for her. Just b/c it's not for you, doesn't mean it's not perfect for her.

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whatever, obviously you people dont have best friends of 20 years that are about to get engaged and you want them to have the best night of their lives.

 

 

Did you ever think it still might be the best night of her life?

 

Stick your nose in then and tell him how to do it then if you think its your business.

I've seen some * * * * ty engagements amongst my friends, in my opinion..but they are soooo happy. Do you really think her life will be ruined because of it? No, probably not.

 

I'd rather know that my boyfriend did it his way, then my best friend telling him what to do and how to do it. Even if it wasn't a surprise...knowing it was done his own way, is special enough for me.

 

I'd feel silly knowing my best friend stuck her nose in and told him how to do it and made it her business. Its not.

 

Just be happy for her.

Even if its a crappy way to be proposed to...its his choice and her relationship.

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oh hersmudders, did your friend of 13 years' fiance tell her he was going to ask her on a specific night??

 

point proven..... YOU werent happy with the way he asked her. But you were happy for her anyways. Right???

 

same situation for me. I dont like the way he's doing it, but i AM happy for her...

like i said i want it to be the best night of her life.

 

the only difference is: im posting about my unhappiness with it here... and apparently im "crazy" and "living through her" and "putting my nose where it doesnt belong"

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Did you ever think it still might be the best night of her life?

 

Stick your nose in then and tell him how to do it then if you think its your business.

I've seen some * * * * ty engagements amongst my friends, in my opinion..but they are soooo happy. Do you really think her life will be ruined because of it? No, probably not.

 

I'd rather know that my boyfriend did it his way, then my best friend telling him what to do and how to do it. Even if it wasn't a surprise...knowing it was done his own way, is special enough for me.

 

I'd feel silly knowing my best friend stuck her nose in and told him how to do it and made it her business. Its not.

 

And this coming from a girl who's had her engagment and is nearing marriage. Kudos to you for knowing where you belong.

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