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My 20 year old sister had a falling out with a friend several months ago. She has always fought with her friends over stupid things, and this one is over Facebook blocking and blah blah blah. They still have not reconciled.

 

The friend messaged me a couple of weeks ago saying she wanted to know if I could grab her senior prom pics from my sister's Facebook. My sister had taken them down, and her computer's been DOA for close to a year. When I mentioned to my sister that she messaged me, my sister keeps saying that she "doesn't want me talking to her," (the former friend.) I told my sister it basically told her it wasn't any of her business, and that I had nothing to do with any feud of theirs, but she is very adamant about it. My mom also thinks the girl is kind of stuck up. Ever since she has moved in with her...finace...at his parent's house...(that's an entirely different story 8 months ago she keeps acting like I'm suddenly her YOUNGER brother and that she has to look after me. I don't see anything wrong with this girl at all (she's kind of cute I suppose, which maybe helps shrug.)

 

Anyway her friend wrote on my wall today that I was behind her on the way home from my workout. I know my sister will probably see this and remind me not to talk to this girl in a very serious tone.

 

Am I wrong to feel this way about all of this? What should I do?

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Why don't you listen to your sister's request?

 

Shall I tell my sister what to do now? Should I tell her she's too young to get married and that they won't be together even three years from now? Do you think she cares what I think?

 

I don't think my talking with a random girl is a big deal. I haven't seen her former friend in months and months.

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It shouldn't be up to your sister to decide. The problem your sister has with this girl is HER problem, not yours, so if you want this girl as a friend, it shouldn't be any of your sisters business. Who you choose to be friends with and who she chooses to be friends with are separate decisions. I think your sister is just kind of jealous that they haven't got over it yet.

 

Its your choice, not your sisters. Your friends are YOUR friends.

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wow- i have a totally different view than omfgzwhat. i happen to agree with your sister. this friend really hurt her and you communicating with her hurts your sister. i can totally understand that. family is supposed to stick together. friends come and go. the friend sounds like real trouble to me. she has you doing stuff behind your sister's back - such as getting prom pictures. that is how it starts and things can get worse from there.

 

i do agree that it is odd she is now treating you as a younger brother. that would irritate me too. i would have a sit-down with her and let her know. by the way, it is a little confusing. who is getting married? your sister or the girl?

 

i have heard people say things such as omfgzwhat and it really boggles my mind why people feel this is ok, so if anyone can tell me why please do!!! maybe i am wrong in my line of thinking.

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  • 5 months later...
It shouldn't be up to your sister to decide. The problem your sister has with this girl is HER problem, not yours, so if you want this girl as a friend, it shouldn't be any of your sisters business. Who you choose to be friends with and who she chooses to be friends with are separate decisions. I think your sister is just kind of jealous that they haven't got over it yet.

 

Its your choice, not your sisters. Your friends are YOUR friends.

 

Agreed.

 

Just because you're family doesn't entitle your sister to tell you who to be friends with- anymore than it entitles you to tell her who she should or shouldn't marry.

 

I'd tell your sister to get over it. If she doesn't want to be friends with X girl, that's up to her. If X girl hasn't given you any reason to douubt the sincerity of her friendship with you, then you can make your own decision.

 

If she turns out to be trouble, well, you'll have to deal with that and hear "I told you so". If she turns into a great friend, then you get that benefit.

 

No different than any other friendship.

 

Family should support each other in crises, sure- but if I got involved in every petty disagreement that other members of my family were involved in, my life would be FULL of drama I have no interest in. Most of us would find ourselves in that position, I would think.

 

Just because she's your sister, doesn't mean she is right (with respect to underlying causes for the falling out)

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It sounded to me from the start like you were only talking to this girl because she was "kind of cute." But you did so at the expense of your sister's feelings.

 

Remember that the "falling out" has to do with BOTH of these girls. You roll your eyes at your sister's reaction, but you're defending her ex-friend who is the other half of the argument. So you don't want to deal with your sister's immaturity, but you will deal with her friend's immaturity because you are attracted to her.

 

You DO have every right to talk to this girl, but it seems like your priorities are off. In my book, family comes first. When partners/SO's become family, they come first...but this is just a young lady you're attracted to. If you're interested in this girl, you should tell your sister so to clear the air with HER and avoid any problems. You have your sister for life. There is no guarantee that you will always have this girl OR your attraction to her. So the question is, who do you want to keep things running smoothly with?

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As far as I know the drama is:

 

My sister claims that at some point in the Spring of 08 this now ex-friend stopped talking to her after this friend tried to explain to her that the man she is now engaged to isn't right for her. (This is a stance my family unequivocally agrees upon.) My sister than upped the ante by un-friending the girl on facebook. The friend asked me at the time of the OP why my sis had stopped talking to her and I told her what I knew. This caused me to make the OP, because it was my sister's pics, so she found out about it that way.

 

My sister always gets into these little drama things with friends, and they are eventually reconciled. This one still isn't though, and naturally involves a girl I happen to be attracted to. (superman has no luck except bad luck)

 

As far as my sis' ex-friend and I, we only communicate on facebook and playfully argue/flirt/whatever (which has kicked up recently.) Not long ago my sister said she enjoyed reading our banter, to which I replied, "Maybe you two can patch things up." I don't think my sister responded to that idea positively, but I unfortunately don't remember what she said, if anything at all.

 

I think my sis almost has to tell that we're flirting though, but she won't state her feelings on that.

 

Despite her bad decisions, my sis and I have always been really close. I want to respect her feelings, but it's difficult when I really think this girl and I get along so well together.

 

As a side note, the girl's latest status is "if you want it, come and get it."

 

I'm not saying it's for sure directed at me, but it makes me wonder a little...

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It's good to hear the details: definitely puts things (and you) in a new light.

 

At any rate, I stand by my first suggestion. If you and your sister are close, then come clean to her or, at the very least, be straightfoward if she inquires. She probably can tell that you guys are flirty-flirty as it is, so the ice is broken for you. Just don't expect her to jump back into a bonafide friendship with this girl.

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It's good to hear the details: definitely puts things (and you) in a new light.

 

At any rate, I stand by my first suggestion. If you and your sister are close, then come clean to her or, at the very least, be straightfoward if she inquires. She probably can tell that you guys are flirty-flirty as it is, so the ice is broken for you. Just don't expect her to jump back into a bonafide friendship with this girl.

 

Thanks so much for your help. That seems to be the thing to do. I wanted to make it clear that my sister and I have always had a good relationship.

 

Oh, these women will be the death of me; they really will.

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  • 4 weeks later...
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