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It is just how I feel


good girl

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Hi there,

So a little background, I have been dating my b/f for 6 years now, we have a preety good relationship. I love his family and they love me as well. I have no problems with them at all, they treat me like their own and I am very greatful for that. Before my boyfriend and I started dating he had a very tight knit relationship with both his parents and his sister who is 2 years older then him (27). As the years went by obviosuly things began to change we now spend every day together, he has moved out about three years ago from his parents place. Since then, we try to see the family every 2-3 weeks or so because we both work preety late.

I have this terrible jealous feeling when we go over to his parents towards his mom and his sister. The feeling I get is, I feel that more his sister then his mom is very territorial of him. I know she likes me, I know she has nothing wrong with me, but according to people i've spoken to she misses her brother, and feels I took him away. So when we do see her, she is very "OMG, how are you, lets do things just me and you" "Lets take these lessons together, lets do things me and you". And, to be honest with you it bothers me.... I see it as yes it is his sister, yes she missses him, but I am a part of his life now, and have been for 6 years and why can she not include me, why do things alone brother sister time? It is for these reaosn I have stress, and anxiety, because I say nothing, and keep it inside, I am starting to develop a terrible sleeping habit because I get nervous about it.

 

Also, stupid I know, but another little thing is my boyfriend is 25 years old and still has a picture of his mom in his room. She gave it to him for her last school picture before retirement, and it bothers me.... I see it as your 25 why do you have a piture of your mom in your room. Yes he has pleanty of picture of him and I his room, but why JUST her.... Family pictures no problem... but just her it bothers me...

Would someone be so kind to help me with these situations please, I know they sound a little nuts form the outside, but coming from the one dealing with it it's hard for me...

I would appreciate intelligent feedback, for those who are willing to be mean to me please dont write anything, I'm preety emotinal enough

Thanks

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When my son moved in with his girlfriend, I didn't see him very often. When he did come by for a visit, naturally everyone was happy to see him especially his siblings and they often took off together to do their own thing and spend time together.

 

It's part of being in a close knit family.

 

My son actually has a picture of me in his wallet. I find it endearing. None of the girls that he dated/dates find it weird. They think it is sweet.

 

Maybe you could let him go to visit his family on his own so he could do his own thing while you perhaps go out with friends, maybe being distracted will help your anxieties about this.

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I can see that you're troubled by this, but to be honest I think you're overreacting to perfectly normal behavior for mothers and sisters of a young man. I think a 25-year-old guy having a picture of his mother in his bedroom is normal and sweet. If he'd built a shrine to her in his room, or if hers was the only picture in his room, THAT would be disturbing. But one picture?

 

What are the particulars of his family -- e.g. how many siblings does he have? Parents divorced? What about your family? From what you've described it does sound to me like your jealousy is unwarranted. Perhaps there's more to it than you've told us so far, but if you've given all of the basic information about how the mother and sister interact with your boyfriend, I suspect there are deeper problems that are driving these feelings in you. For example, are you close to your own family, or are you separated at least by distance?

 

Also, have you noticed that you are made uncomfortable by his relationships with two female relatives? Maybe he doesn't have any brothers or a father on the scene, or maybe his dad never seeks to do anything that's just the two of them. But even if that is true, ask yourself if you would feel so jealous if it was a brother or father seeking to do things every now and then with your boyfriend that didn't include you.

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There is nothing wrong with his sister wanting to spend time alone with her brother...you see him all the time so why get upset just because his sister wants to spend time with him. As long as his family includes you in general and makes you feel welcome then there is nothing wrong with your bf spending alone time with his sister or family. There is also nothing wrong with him having a photo of his mother in his room. He is close with his mother so why not. A lot of women get very territorial with their man and try to pull them away from their family, particularly after marriage. That is not fair...every one is entitled to be with their family without the partner feeling threatened, as long as it is within reason and the family is not taking precedence over the partner on a routine basis. I think it is time to figure out what is the root cause of your jealous feelings towards his family, particularly when they don't see each other that much anymore.

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There is an old saying "watch how a man treats his mother because it is a fair indicator how he will treat you" .

 

It doesn't always apply, especially if his mother is not a nice person, but there is a kernel of truth in it.

 

I think the same thing can apply to his family - when and if he has a family with you the chances are he will be the same way. Close-knit, loving and attentive. Don't try to alter that about him - encourage it.

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You're lucky that all of his family seem to accept you. My boyfriend's sister isn't too keen on me... although, that could be because I don't take her crap.

 

But the situation with your boyfriend and his sister sounds harmless. I do know, however, that when a person is someone's whole world and all of a sudden, they put someone else on the pedestal that the person is usually on, that can be something hard to accept.

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My brother is very very close to his family also. He doesn't carry a picture of the family in his wallet or anything. But I certianly wouldn't object to it. It's his family.. Not another woman or anything.

 

I understand you being upset, due to the family not including you in what they want to do with him. But maybe your boyfriend should say "Sure, how do you feel about that (to you)" Your a partnership, you do things together. But then somethings you don't.

 

But the picture thing, I'd personally want a picture of his family up in our home. His brother got him a boomarang from his year in austraila, my boyfriend put it in the packing box (we're moving) I took it out and put it on show.

 

I am jealous however.. Of how close they are. I hate that my family and I aren't. I wish I felt close enough to my family to put a picture of them in my wallet.

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