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Boyfriend Gots Feelings for Ex


confusedsp

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My boyfriend of a few months told me that feelings for his ex has recently resurfaced. According to him, his feelings towards me has not changed (supposedly love) but doesn't know what to make of his feelings for the ex. What should I do?

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I would say get out now before you get hurt or end up hating him in the long run, whatever his "feelings" may be obviously just shows that he is not over the relationship with her even if he thought he was that sort of thing takes time and if he is really worth it and its meant to be he will come around in his own time but I would not stick around and torture yourself.

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I could never be with someone who was not completley over their ex. I already have jealousy issues to do with my boyfriend's ex who he broke up with, hates and has no contact with! If he had any feelings for her left I would never have gotten with him.

 

Seriously you should reconsider this. I know it's hard but do you really want to be put through all the emotional stress of jealousy and worrying that he's going to get back with her?

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My boyfriend of a few months told me that feelings for his ex has recently resurfaced. According to him, his feelings towards me has not changed (supposedly love) but doesn't know what to make of his feelings for the ex. What should I do?

 

 

How long has he been seperated from his ex? Has your boyfriend given a reason as to why his feeling have just recently resurfaced?

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I would say get out now before you get hurt or end up hating him in the long run, whatever his "feelings" may be obviously just shows that he is not over the relationship with her even if he thought he was that sort of thing takes time and if he is really worth it and its meant to be he will come around in his own time but I would not stick around and torture yourself.

 

I agree with this perfectly.

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I agree with everyone who advises you to get out of the relationship. If he said that his feelings for his ex have "resurfaced" that's not merely thinking/reminiscing about her. That's actively feeling things about her.

 

He has given you a big clue -- heck, it's not even a "clue!" He might not make a move to break up with you unless/until he confirms that he's still got a shot with his ex, but even if it turns out that he isn't going to get back together with this ex, would you really want to be with a guy who stays with you only because the ex isn't an option for him?

 

He has practically invited you to break up with him. If he breaks up with you, you certainly won't be able to say that he didn't give you fair notice! So I'd beat him to the punch. Why on earth would you want to be with someone who's actively feeling things for another woman and is actually willing to tell you that he's got feelings for someone else?

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You need to have a good talk with him and if he's still confused get out as soon as possible. Don't walk, run...I was in a similar situation and dragging through only means torture to you.Good luck.If he's yours he'll come back. But why do you want a man who comes back just because another option doesn't work.

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My boyfriend of a few months told me that feelings for his ex has recently resurfaced. According to him, his feelings towards me has not changed (supposedly love) but doesn't know what to make of his feelings for the ex. What should I do?

 

your serious lack of details make it hard to formulate an opinion on this.

 

do they hang out?

 

How long were they together?

 

Why did they break up?

 

Does he still talk to her?

 

How did you find this out?

 

Does he want to see if he can work things out with her and still keep you around?

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Kick him between the legs and say "some feelings are just not good for this relationship."

 

What is wrong with some people? He shouldnt have been having the sort of interactions with his ex he must have been having recently for such feelings to "resurface". He cultivated them - that's why they resurfaced. And he has to take responsibility for that and do something about it. Either he can take some steps to close off those feelings (NC with ex would be a must) or he can bugger off. That's what I'd tell him.

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I typed the question out of frustration of not knowing what to do...

 

- they don't hang out, which makes me wonder what triggered the resurface of feelings. (like was it something i did?

- they were together for 3+ years

- according to him, they broke up because they both realized they weren't a good match. they both believed at the time that it was a perfect breakup since it was so mutual with no loose ends (HA!)

- they're still friends, yes; hence still talk to her.

- initially, i thought we were having problems among the two of us. however, after a talk we had, i asked him again and he told me about this.

- no, he feels that him having feelings for her is near equivalent to cheating on him and practically proposed the break up (sorry, should've stated this earlier from the comments...we broke up). however, we still hang out on a regular basis (nearly daily) and i don't know if i should wait it out or force myself to move on. According to him, his feelings for me has not changed, but doesnt know what to make of these new thoughts about the ex.

- she is actually currently dating someone else, so i think he's trying to figure out what to do...

 

I hope that helps decipher the problem a bit more

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Wait: he broke up with you, explaining that he still harbors feelings for his ex (who's currently dating someone else). Their break-up was a few months ago, after 3+ years together. And you're still letting him be a part of your daily life?

 

My dear, you were a rebound for him. He might really like you, and I'm sure he did say at the time that theirs was a mutual parting, no residual feelings or regrets. That's what people who jump into rebound relationships say, because it's often what they believe/wish to be true at the time.

 

He might well be in general a decent guy who has good intentions, etc. But he used you. And now it has dawned on him that for the growth/healing he needs to do, using you won't actually work; he's got to deal with his feelings on his own. Anyone who thinks they can walk away from a 3+ year relationship with nary a scratch, with minimal down/alone time is kidding themselves. Next time you'll know better: steer clear of someone who's only a few months out of a long-term relationship, and proceed with caution with someone who's several months out of a long-term relationship. I learned that the hard way.

 

What you need to do is shut this guy out. He wasn't thinking about you and your needs when he started dating you, and he isn't thinking about them now, either. His choices are all about what's best for him. He shouldn't have sucked you into his life in the first place, but you certainly shouldn't hang out waiting to see how it'll work out with his ex! I'm sure he's glad that you're still willing to maintain daily contact with him: he can feel better about having used you if he can tell himself that at least a friendship has come of it. Oh goody. And of course it must be nice for him to know that you're waiting in the wings in case things with the ex don't work out. What's in this for you? You're better than that! If he discovers that he wants you, let him go looking for you.

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I would give him two choices.

 

Remove you from his life.

 

Remove her from his life.

 

He cannot be in a functional relationship with you, and still be friends with, hang out with, and have feelings for an ex of 3+ years and expect things to work out with you. So if he continues seeing her in any way shape or form... you are simply waiting until he breaks your heart.

 

Flat out tell him, he has to pick one of you, and the other one has to go no contact. I would personally choose for him by dumping him... but you may want to consider giving him the option to pick.

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Ah, small details like you're broken up ](*,)

 

I would suggest moving on. He broke up with you, you're hanging out as friends, and he's developed feelings for someone else. His feelings for you HAVE changed because you're not together anymore. It just means that he doesn't want to lose you from his life completely - thus hanging out with you. He gets the advantage of time with you without having to be committed. ... Just move on.

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