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This is mental torture


stranded247
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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I'm so sorry that in the past few days I've flooded ENA with a bunch of my threads all about my ex but I feel like this is the only place I can come and really explain how I feel. I think my friends and family are already quickly tiring of my sadness and it's been less than a week since the break up.

 

My ex and I only dated for four months, not long compared to all the threads I read here. But somehow I am pretty destroyed over this, because he was the 'first love' so to speak. I was trying to sleep just now and I can't because I'm having all these horrible thoughts. One of them was, why have boys always broken up with me? What is so bad about me? They tell me I'm attractive one minute and the next all attraction dies yet nothing about me has changed.

 

And he kept on going on about how we'd be together in the summer and how we should go on holiday in october, this is exactly what my last ex did, they kept talking about the future until I believed we'd be together for a long time and then they both lasted 4 months. I'm so angry, I was willing, SO willing to fix things. But he gave up on me. After all that talk, he was the one who said I love you first, he was the one who suggested going on holiday together, he made me feel so secure, I genuinely thought it was ok to feel secure, I built up this false sense of security and then it was ripped from under my feet and now I feel so so lost. My friend convinced me to delete his facebook/numbers/msn-which I have done. But I can still hack into my friend's facebook account and stalk him because I have the password-but i havn't done that so far. It's been three days NC and all it's done is make me miss him like hell. You know what I hate about this? I have moments where I suddenly feel alright, I almost feel good-back to normal-the old me and then bam someone leaves me alone and I have time to think and I'm a wreck. I can't stand to be alone at the moment yet I used to love solitude but I'm so afraid of my own thoughts. The more I think about it, the more hurt I feel, I feel like I can't trust guys. One of the reasons my boyfriend broke up with me was because he said our relationship was based on sex. And the night I had a one night stand to get over him, I just thought 'all guys want to do is sleep with me'. Thats all they want from me. But the thing is I am so much more than just one of those girls who guys can bang. I do have personality, I am interesting, my personality is probably far better than my looks yet somehow I feel used for sex. I feel so sick to my stomach and I don't want to eat because it makes me sadder. I don't think anyone in my family or circle of friends really realises just how soul-destroying this whole thing is. It's a bad day that never ends and I really REALLY want it to be over.

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It's just less than a week. It takes people months and years to move on and fully recover. Be patient with yourself. You're still very young and you have plenty of chance to meet a person who values you the most. Keep your chin up and you WILL be better. Mine has been a month but I've been in a rollercoaster emotional state. One day was super and another day was down. Today is my down day and haven't done many things except a little bit reading this morning...

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I'm going through the same thing. My relationship was 2 years. Second break up. I have those moments too where I feel that I will be okay, but then I begin to miss him and it hurts deeply. My ex and I talked about our future. Everything. The last time we saw each other was at the airport. He hugged me, kissed me and promised me he would drive down and see me in a week and that we would have a beautiful summer. Did he come? No. He dumped me. What I am saying is, every relationship has promises.. But when one person decides to leave.. All the promises are broken. All you can do, is accept. Go in NC and do everything to keep busy. Don't put him above you. Feel hurt. Allow yourself to feel these emotions. It will get better. If it was meant to be, he will come back. Do not wait or hold on though. It is unhealthy. Move forward with your life.

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There's nothing wrong with you, relationships are like that, all of them (except for the last one) are going to end eventually, and after they do you're still going to be the same person, your value or qualities don't go away because a guy wasn't right for you.

 

I read the list you wrote of things that weren't so nice about your ex, to be honest he doesn't sound that great so it's okay if you're no longer together, actually you were probably too good for him.

 

If one person (or ten) don't see the nice things about you it's not because they are not there, you have yourself, your friends and your family to remind you of them.

 

You're not going to feel sad or bad forever, everything is going to be okay, don't worry.

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