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Should I send my ex a message expressing my feelings?


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I really have this urge to contact my ex. Thank god that when he moved outta state with his girlfriend he changed his number. Even though I don't have phone to contact him, I still know his facebook and myspace accounts which sucks. I think I check his profile at least once a day to see what he's doing and it sets me back everytime. It's like I'm just so curious to see what is going on with him.It kinda hurts that he's moving on and doing different things,laughing and talking with his friends on there, not even thinking about how he just deserted and left me. Today I see he has uploaded pictures on his profile of his new apartment and I see a bunch of pics with him and his girlfriend hugged up together and it literally makes my heart sink to my stomach.Then I see all the comments on their profile about how much of a cute couple they make from their friends I really need to find some self restraint in not going to his profile everytime I'm on the computer. It would be great if he had those profiles private but he doesn't.

 

I really feel the need to express to him how he's made me feel. I don't know why I feel like sending him a message on facebook. Most likely he wouldn't care and just skip over my message. I just want an apology at least from him, to show he has a heart at least. I think that's what's making it so hard for me to move on. If he could just at least send me a message saying that he did care for me, that he was truly sorry for hurting me, I think I could heal faster and move on. I don't know why I want that from him so much.I just really can't handle rejection well. I feel humiliated and my self esteem is crushed because another guy left me for another woman again. In my last relationship before this current one, my other ex did the same thing to me. I just want to express to him how hurt he's made me feel and what he's done to me. I just want him to feel a little guilty at least. I really don't know what I'm trying to accomplish with this. I just want him to feel some of the pain he's inflicted on me. I want him to hurt! I know it's not healthy but I just think it's so unfair that he treated me like crap at the end and yet he gets to be happy. I just can't process that & that also makes it hard for me to move on. Because here I am struggling to be happy, when with my ex, it looks like moving on was so simple for him.

 

I'm getting stronger everyday and the pain doesn't hurt as much as it used to. However I feel like I need some sort of closure concerning my ex. I really want him to contact me and apologize, I don't get why I can't feel the need to move on without that. Does that sound irrational to expect something from my ex? To show he at least had a heart?

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Don't do it. Bad move.

 

You'll actually make yourself feel worse and will have accomplished nothing other than looking like the sobbing, heart broken, disgruntled psycho-EX.

 

Thats true & as far as closure goes...he cant tell you anything that will bring you closure, that comes from within yourself. It should be closure enough for you that he left you for another woman & moved to another state with her. Just cause he says he's sorry for hurting you...means nothing. Who cares if he's sorry? He can't be that sorry since he did it anyway & is enjoying it.

 

Forget this guy!

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I think you should write it all out - every single bit, everyhting that you want to say to him. But don't send it. Write on a piece of paper, type on the computer, post to here, whatever, but don't send him anything. It sounds like you really need to get all of this out to help you heal. So let it go, pour it out, and be done with it.

 

Secondly, take him off your friends list for Facebook and quit looking at his profile. Find ways to block the profile. This is really bad for you, it's keeping you from moving on. You need to get away from him totally.

 

You need to heal. You need to pay attention, energy, and focus on yourself. You have been wasting a lot of time and energy on this guy that you could use to make your life better.

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^^^^^

I am with IMAbadman. It is irrational.

 

If you are sending your ex an email and expecting an apology in return, just don't do it especially if there is someone else in your ex's life.

 

It will set you back to contact him.. whether you hear from him or not. Believe me, I know this from my own experience. The posts on here that talk about closure coming from within are making more sense to me everyday.

 

Perhaps one day your ex will feel remorse and say sorry (if he is the type that will apologize, my ex was bad for that)... but it will need to come from him.

 

If you do contact him, for any reason... excude confidence.

 

I really get how hard it is for you. I am no where near healed and feel I have lost ground by contacting my ex for closure... which you already have if you think about it, as he clearly has moved on.

 

All the best...

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Aw, my dear, I am so sorry for your pain. It sounds like you are having a really rough time moving on. Now let's get to the bottom of some of this - please brace yourself because this won't be pretty. When men don't treat you well and then leave you for other women, the common denominator is you. You first need to recognize this holding pattern in your relationships. The second need is for you to learn how to find strength and confidence within yourself.

 

If you are going to find a healthy, happy relationship with someone else, you need to be whole and happy within yourself. That means that you are your own best friend and you know how to heal yourself and be positive with yourself. Not only will this make men less likely to leave you, but it will also help you weed out losers because you won't put up with bad treatment from a guy.

 

So, here's the first hard part. Finding health and happiness within yourself requires pushing yourself to engage in healthy behaviors. Your ultimate goal is to become a self-loving, confident woman who has the strength to heal herself. Within that, you must first accept the breakup. There was some sort of incompatibility from both sides and while the way he left hurt, what you have to see was that in ending it, you now have the chance to grow and find a much more fulfilling love. In accepting the breakup you need to let go of some of this anger towards him. To me, holding resentment against someone else is like taking poison and expecting the other person to get sick. That's just not going to happen. Maybe you haven't reached the stage of wishing him well, that's ok, but wishing him ill feeds negative energy that is impediing your healing.

 

Next, you need to focus on other things. He is NOT responsible for your happiness. He left because he didn't want to be responsible for your happiness. Now, it's up to you to do that. You have NO IDEA how he might respond, but what we do know is that even looking at his pages set you back. Cut his images out of your life, delete him, prove to yourself that you have self-restraint by not looking at his pages. You can choose to engage in healthy behaviors and now is the time to do so.

 

I am sorry he treated you like this and I am sorry for your pain, but moving on is about working through your pain, healing yourself, and becoming a better potential partner for the experience. Don't let yourself continue with these toxic (perhaps needy) relationships. You deserve better.

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You guys are right, it wouldn't make me feel better. I've deleted him from my friends on myspace and facebook when we broke up but I still know how to access his page. His pages are unprivate so it's so easy for me to search and find him.

 

I don't feel that much of an urge to contact him now. I just hate these feelings that come over me to talk to him. The butterfly feeling in my stomach just takes over me. It's so hard to restrain myself from looking at his profile. I just wish things didn't have to end this way. In the end he was a jerk and I should just see him for who he is.

 

But I will continue to be strong through all of this. Thanks everyone, please pray for me

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I agree, today I'm truly going to stop and just work on me. I keep holding onto something that just needs to be let go. I'm finding it hard to just drop everything but I will have to because life goes on regardless if my ex is in my life or not. I'm trying so hard to find myself and find peace within myself. It's such a lonely and depressing road but I have to continue to be strong. I just hope I can find the strength to be truly happy again and live my life without my ex. I'm making progress but I still have a long way to go. I just wish there was an off switch for my feelings.

 

I'm just confused about everything right now and I'm not really getting a solid answer..

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I think you should write it all out - every single bit, everyhting that you want to say to him. But don't send it. Write on a piece of paper, type on the computer, post to here, whatever, but don't send him anything. It sounds like you really need to get all of this out to help you heal. So let it go, pour it out, and be done with it.

 

Secondly, take him off your friends list for Facebook and quit looking at his profile. Find ways to block the profile. This is really bad for you, it's keeping you from moving on. You need to get away from him totally.

 

You need to heal. You need to pay attention, energy, and focus on yourself. You have been wasting a lot of time and energy on this guy that you could use to make your life better.

 

Thanks, I think I'll write a letter & not send it to him. That way I can just let everything I'm feeling out. I'm doing my best to move forward and improve my life but I think about him a lot. I don't understand why I like him so much after the way he's treated me.I'm weird I guess... I just want him out of my thoughts and out of my mind. I can stop looking at his profiles, it's not doing me any good. What I don't know, can't hurt me.

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I just hope I can find the strength to be truly happy again and live my life without my ex. I'm making progress but I still have a long way to go. I just wish there was an off switch for my feelings.

 

 

Are you sure there are not other things going on in your life that are causing you to feel this way? I just looked at your past threads, and it seems like you only dated your ex for a few weeks...

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Are you sure there are not other things going on in your life that are causing you to feel this way? I just looked at your past threads, and it seems like you only dated your ex for a few weeks...

 

We've been off an on for 8 months.. I'm going through other things as well like finding employment because I'm without a job and I'm stressed about other things that I really don't feel like talking about. All of this together is just too much for me. I'm trying to hang in the best way I know how but it's truly hard. I haven't been eating much and people say I've lost weight and that concerns me as well.

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We've been off an on for 8 months.. I'm going through other things as well like finding employment because I'm without a job and I'm stressed about other things that I really don't feel like talking about. All of this together is just too much for me. I'm trying to hang in the best way I know how but it's truly hard. I haven't been eating much and people say I've lost weight and that concerns me as well.

 

 

To heal, I would suggest working actively on resolving these other issues - your health, your job situation. I think you should start volunteering. It's not only a good way to spend time thinking about the struggles of others, it can be a positive experience to add to your resume. What are your life goals? What interests drive you?

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I agree, today I'm truly going to stop and just work on me. I keep holding onto something that just needs to be let go. I'm finding it hard to just drop everything but I will have to because life goes on regardless if my ex is in my life or not. I'm trying so hard to find myself and find peace within myself. It's such a lonely and depressing road but I have to continue to be strong. I just hope I can find the strength to be truly happy again and live my life without my ex. I'm making progress but I still have a long way to go. I just wish there was an off switch for my feelings.

 

I'm just confused about everything right now and I'm not really getting a solid answer..

 

 

Life is going to happen without him. So the question here is, are you going to choose to be happy or not? I'm not saying you need to be happy now, I'm encouraging you to reframe your thoughts.

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To heal, I would suggest working actively on resolving these other issues - your health, your job situation. I think you should start volunteering. It's not only a good way to spend time thinking about the struggles of others, it can be a positive experience to add to your resume. What are your life goals? What interests drive you?

 

Actually I have started making progress on getting out there. I've kinda lost myself over this past year. I've lost interest in most of the things I used to like and I was basically just floating around and working. Oddly an old high school friend who lives in my area sent me a message on facebook a week ago. She was telling me how she's a changed woman and how she's devoted her life to jesus christ. She's actually been pushing me to go to her church and volunteer to help there. I've never really been a religious person but I guess I can go with the flow and help, who knows where all of this could lead up to I suppose. I actually went to a woman's meeting last night that she invited me to. Everyone seemed friendly and nice, however I just felt a little sad and out of place. I felt like I really didn't fit in for some reason.

 

I used to like to sing,draw and write but like I said, I just feel very passionless about everything at his current point. All I really want to do is stay to myself, but at the same time I don't.I'm glad that my friend has re entered my life and she's trying to help me feel better. I've just never been comfortable with church and I'm just confused about god and where to turn exactly. I feel very lost about everything and I feel hopeless because I feel like nothing or no one can help me at this point. I tell people all the time like family and friends how I'm feeling but I know they don't understand. All they do is smile and say, aww things will get better and they just go on with their happy lives.

 

I'm such a mess and I'm just really feel depressed. I don't even feel like helping myself sometimes.. I know how sad that is. I just feel weak and tired a lot. I go out and sometimes it makes me feel even more sad and the crazy thing is I keep thinking about my ex and the thoughts of how he treated me just keeps replaying in my head constantly over and over again and it just drives me up the wall..

 

I'll see how this church thing with my friend goes.. She wants me to join so many things and do so much.. It's very awkward how she entered my life at this time when I'm feeling so down.

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The church thing is a turning point of hope. Life isn't meant always to be easy or happy. You can't expect yourself to be strong enough to let go but you have no choice right now but to be strong. I'm sure it doesn't help that you're dealing with econonomical issues, either. I say focus on those first in a problem solving sort of wayl...and you MUST keep your thoughts on hopeful things. Allow your nights to cry and grieve because thats also important right now.

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The church thing is a turning point of hope. Life isn't meant always to be easy or happy. You can't expect yourself to be strong enough to let go but you have no choice right now but to be strong. I'm sure it doesn't help that you're dealing with econonomical issues, either. I say focus on those first in a problem solving sort of wayl...and you MUST keep your thoughts on hopeful things. Allow your nights to cry and grieve because thats also important right now.

 

It's so odd how my old friend from high school came back into my life at this time and is trying to get me involved with church and Jesus. I've never really been a spiritual person. I mean I believe in god but I never really followed a religion. Nor do I really believe in Jesus or the bible so that's why I'm a little weary of trying to get too involved. But at the same time I'm not doing pretty much of anything and it feels nice that I've gained a new friend again. She actually called me tonight and I told her how I was feeling about my ex and it was so good to have somebody actually listen and understand how I felt. We then prayed about it and she told me to call her anytime that I'm feeling low.. I feel a little better now that I'm not so alone. One of my best friends left the area for school and my ex left so I was feeling pretty empty..

Life is interesting, it seems like some doors closes in your life and another one opens.

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  • 2 years later...

Tonight I nearly wrote to my ex. I dated this woman nearly five years ago and have been in other relationships since, but there is a large part of me that thinks about her and realises that I'll probably not have the same fit again.

She has since married and moved to another country. We still email each other all the time and there is that constant longing to reply at some point and tell her that I still love her, that she had the most profound effect on me for no other reason than she made me feel like I belonged with her.

I know that feeling, that sinking despair every time you think of that person in a relationship with someone else, no matter how much time passes. But the truth of the matter is that there is nothing wrong with still holding a love for someone that was once a mutual thing but now is only one sided. It makes you a better person, it helps you grow.

You know how it really hurts when you're growing up? you can wake up in the middle of the night with your legs aching, feeling like their being stretched beyond what you can bear. That's what losing someone you love is like. Just like that. But you're growing, and growing means you start seeing things from a different perspective. What was once just out of your reach or sight you can grab, or see.

And getting given a bunch of corny metaphors is not ever going to make that pain go away, but there is so much truth in them. It may still hurt, but it lessens. It may never go away, but you'll one day be able to look at those photos of the two of them together and realise that you're happy because that person that you love so much is happy, even if you're not.

I'm get sad some of the time, but it's not her fault. She made me realise what it is to have experienced a great love. She will always be my great love and nothing and no one will ever change that. I may or may not experience that again in my lifetime, but at least I managed to experience it.

Reading your post stopped me from making a terrible mistake by writing to this person that I loved. It made me realise that if I truly still loved her, then I wouldn't write to her because all it accomplishes is giving me a selfish moment and her a uncomfortable reminder. There's a reason we're not together. If it was going to work, it would've worked then.

I hope this helps. It helped me.

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